Lives of the Dissidents
by Hades'Queen
Summary: Story of three outcasts and their twisted, convoluted and intertwined lives. Collaboration with Eyesuhkattspeleeng. Rated for language and some adult content. Might change the summary at a later date.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **The world of Harry Potter is property of JK Rowling. Calla Bigsby is property of Eyesuhkattspeleeng, Kalinda Allen is mine.

**Hades'Queen: **This story is a collaboration between Eyesuhkattspeleeng and myself. It is written in the first person, told by the two Ocs, Calla's parts written by Eyesuhkattspeleeng and Kali's written by myself. Story is begins in the second year of Snape's teaching career.

**Eyesuhkattspeleeng: **After having spent a couple of years talking back and forth, bonding over fanfiction and our love of the Harry Potter series, the two of us decided that we should do a collaboration fanfiction. And this is the end result. It's taken us a couple of years to actually get most of this done and to name it but it has been very worth the ride. Calla has been my favorite character I've written so far. She's very close to my heart, as is Hades'Queen. With that being said, enjoy!

**Calla**

****You go through life thinking you're the most deranged, fucked up, lonely person you know and suddenly it changes when you meet some one who is just as bad if not worse.****

My level of fucked-upness was pretty high, even by my standards. My favorite movie was "Pink Flamingos" just because I thought the idea of a bunch of trashy Americans out to prove they were the most despicable people on the earth funny. That and it made me feel better about myself.****

You're talking to the girl whose own parents, the people who raised me, questioned my sanity. If that's not fucked up, I don't know what is. Just who in the hell did they think I got it from? Well, actually, no, not from them. They were pretty normal. A little neurotic, my parents were, but normal by anybody's standards. The fact was, they just did not get me.****

I think I started to realize I was completely fucked up in my fifth year at Hogwarts. I had somehow made prefect (don't asked me how that happened) and I was patrolling-well, actually, looking for somewhere to go get high, when I came across a lonely little Ravenclaw first year, crying.****

"What's up?" I asked. The first year didn't reply at first. Rather, he kept on sobbing like a little bitch which just irritated the piss out of me. He was kneeling against the wall with his head buried in his knees. I nudged him my foot. "Oi. I said, 'What's up?'"****

"I miss my mum and dad," he sniffled. "I don't like this place. I want to go h-h-hoooooooome!" He started wailing again and I just did not deal well with crying of any sort. But I did sort of feel bad for him. I know I got the blues pretty bad during my first week at Hogwarts.****

"Well, now, kitten," I said, trying to sound all maternal and shit. I didn't normally do maternal. "We all feel that way. But your mum had to cut the umbilical cord sometime."****

He looked at me, wiped his eyes, and just stared in disbelief. "W-what?"****

"Well, I mean, think about it from your mum's point of view. I'm sure she doesn't miss a whining snivelling little shit running around all the time." He jutted his bottom lip out, threatening to cry again. Okay, so I'd fucked up a bit. I backed up and tried to start again. "You know that creepy neighbor whose always begging you to come inside for an ice cream? And you know how the one time you went in there he played with your ding-dong and told you not to tell anyone? Well, he can't hurt you any more, kitten."****

I wasn't a week into the term and I had my prefect badge revoked for that. Just as well.****

All of that is pretty much irrelevant, however. The point is, I'd finally found some one who was more of a loner than I was. He went by the name of Severus Snape and while I want to say that I liked him right off the bat, I'm not a liar. I hated him. I hated him because he was a complete cock. He always seemed to be sullen and brooding. He was just generally a negative person and if there is one thing I've learned in my years is that if you surround yourself with negative people, you are destined to become generally unhappy. Not that I wasn't before. I'm just saying that I didn't need any more influence in that department.****

Snape was young for a teacher and for that reason, many believed he'd be a complete push over. I hadn't suffered from that delusion. Because I have a knack for psychology and a knack for reading people, I could see that Professor Severus Snape was not the man to be fucked with. Of course, any one could see that much, unless they were completely effing stupid. That does not mean I did not fuck with him, however. I just was aware that it wasn't a smart thing to do.****

He taught potion's class, my least favorite class of all. I'm not sure why I didn't just drop it. My grades weren't bad, in fact they were a bit above average. I guess I found it boring. It was too methodical for my liking. It reminded me of cooking and I hated to cook back then. Plus, if I wanted to fulfill my ambition of becoming a Healer, I needed that N.E.W.T or else I was doomed beyond all reason.****

Snape had been teaching since my sixth year and I sort of remembered him from before, when he was a student himself. I didn't know the guy, I was just aware of his presence because the crowd of Slytherins he hung out with were pretty rough and did some pretty fucked up things that made me, Queen of Fucked Up, cringe. I didn't much consort with Slytherins. The closest thing I had to a Slytherin friend was Kalinda Allen and that was only because Snape made us all sit in alphabetical order and I'd been placed next to her. I felt sort of bad because all of the times I'd fucked with Snape, she was caught in the cross fire just because she was sitting next to me. Mostly Snape just snarled at me but still. Who wants to see the snarling face of a teacher that close even if it wasn't your face he was in.****

"Bigsby!" He'd say in a dangerous voice. This was always Kalinda's cue to back up about ten spaces. She'd learned her lesson early on.****

A lot of people could swear I was in Gryffindor because of the way Snape and I went round and round, but the truth was, I was just a dumb Hufflepuff who said things or did things without thinking a bit. Did I like having him yell at me? Did I like having to spend eons in detention with him? Not really, no. I was on the Quidditch team. I needed all the practice I could get and any time spent in Snape's drippy office, doing lines was time I could've been using to better myself. I'm not sure why I wasn't kicked off the team completely other than the fact that the captain, Taramantha Finch just didn't have the heart to kick me off. Plus she was a lesbian so perhaps she had a thing for me.****

It always seemed to burden Snape when he'd issue me a detention or two, like it was a huge waste of his time when in fact it was actually a huge waste of time on my part. He could sit there and grade papers while I worked but I had to shove other things aside for it. But even that changed.****

I'm not sure when it happened but after a while, I started to _like _going to detention. It was something familiar, I guess. It meant that I didn't have to think. It meant that I didn't have to put up with any one and really Snape was tolerable during detention because we were never at each others throats. That was because he mainly just ignored me and the place gave me a quiet environment to do my homework in. My grades were considerably higher because of that.****

I had a startling revelation around the first part of my seventh year. Part of the reason I liked going to detention was because I sort of liked Snape himself and that thought made me vomit. I was sitting at supper one night, looking at Snape, thinking about my impending detention when I stopped at thought, _my god, I really do sort of like the guy. _And then I spewed my dinner everywhere which caused quite a few people around me to hop up and go puke in a more considerate place, like the toilet. I didn't make it to detention that night though Snape hadn't really seem to care or else just expected I wouldn't come because of the puke-fest I'd celebrated with my house mates.****

I stayed in the loo most of that evening, alternating between throwing up and staring at myself in the mirror, wondering how I'd managed to achieve that level of fucked up. My dark skin had gone a bit pale, my brown eyes were bloodshot and my rough straight hair had gone viciously awry. I didn't even recognize myself. Heinous fuckery most foul, I thought. I wasn't me. How could I possibly be me? I had just admitted to myself that I fancied Snape when just two days ago I was ranting and raving to Taramantha about how much I hated him.****

It was like a switch being turned on in my head because after that, I didn't do anything to piss him off and actually went out of my way to avoid any sort of confrontation with him. It frustrated me but at the same time it was probably for the best. I was under the impression he was seeing some one anyway. I'm pretty sure he noticed the change too because he did everything in his power to get a rise out of me, to test me. At some point, it became just unbearable and I had to bend under pressure and just snap, which to be honest was a relief. He'd deemed one of my potions unfit for a grade when I'd brewed it perfect. I had to say something to him about it and the moment I did, I was rewarded with a detention.****

"I don't get it," I told him after class that day. I was pretty frank about the situation, not to mention upset. "What's wrong with it? Why wouldn't you give me the grade?"****

"Because Miss Bigsby, you were clearly cheating. Don't think I did not see you whispering with Miss Allen."****

"That's just dumb," I said with a huff. "How can you cheat on a potion anyway?"****

"I know what I saw, Miss Bigsby."****

"Well, you must be blind."****

I wanted to eat my words as soon as I said them. But for one iota, I hated him again and it felt great. It occurred to me about ten seconds after the fact that it was a trap and just a way for him to get me into detention again. Luckily, he'd quit taking points from Hufflepuff long ago but the detentions weren't much better. In fact, they were pure torture. I was almost in tears when he uttered that dreadful word.****

"That will be one detention, Bigsby," he said with a nasty smile. "I'll see you after supper. Now kindly exit the class room."****

I wanted to stomp, scream and cry like a two year old, but I just walked away, completely forlorn that he had me where he wanted me.****

I'm not sure exactly what I saw in Snape. He wasn't good looking by any means and did I mention that he's a complete dick? Sure, he was smart and knew what he was doing when it came to potions, he had to have been seeing as how Dumbledore hired him and people were managing to pass O.W.L's and N.E.W.T's but I still preferred Slughorn. The fact that he was good at potions didn't really matter to me.****

At supper, I told Taramantha my situation. Luckily, she didn't laugh nor did she even look remotely grossed out. She just looked sort of confused.**  
**  
"That's odd because I'd always figured you were pitching for our team," Tara said.****

"What do you mean?"****

"I've always thought you liked girls." Tara said cautiously. "I mean, you are a complete tom boy. You're the team Beater. That's as butch as it gets."****

"Truth be told, I've never been interested in either sex," I said. I suppose I should've been offended by what she'd pointed it out but it did no good because it was true. "That's why this is so weird."****

"It's new," Tara said with a shrug. "Look, Calla, it's probably just sexual tension. You do spend a lot of time with him in detention. It's only natural that you develop some sort of curiosity."****

"You're not helping."****

"There's two things you can do about it. You can either just ignore it and keep living life or you can resolve the tension by giving him a good snog to satisfy your curiosity."****

"Or I could just, you know, murder him or something," I suggested. I didn't like any of her ideas and that one seemed just as plausible as the others. In fact, it seemed much better.****

I looked up at the teacher's table and chanced a look at the greasy bastard. He wasn't really eating much nor was he doing much socializing. He'd push the food around on his plate, glare into space, look down at his plate as though he were contemplating taking a bite and then he'd think better of it and just take a healthy swig out of his goblet. The way he ate bothered me. I was a healthy eater. I could scarf down platefuls and not feel remotely bloated. I grew up sort of poor so any sort of food that was given to me would not be wasted even if I hated it. Well, except for onions. Onions made me fucking hurl.****

"God, look at him Tara! I must be fucking demented!"****

"Well, that's not really news, Calla."****

"Bitch." I couldn't help it. I had to smile.****

It took everything I had to not puke whenever he answered his door when I came knocking. It had been two weeks since my startling revelation. For two weeks, I'd managed to keep my sorry arse out of detention and now it seemed as though I were heading into some epic final battle.****

"I would ask you to excuse the mess," he said once I was inside. His office was a wreck. Furniture was scattered about the place as though a giant had picked it all up, tossed it in the air and just left it as it landed. The shelves with all sorts of icky ingredients were a mess. The jars were on the floor, on their sides. I had a horrible feeling about this. "But I think it would be rather impolite to be sarcastic to the person who will be cleaning the majority of it up."****

"You've got to be shitting me," I groaned. Of course I knew he wasn't and his nasty grin just confirmed that. "What in the hell happened in here?"****

"I've been contemplating a change. I was reorganizing."****

"But you want me to do the grunt work."****

"Well...yes. Exactly."****

I sighed and started with the jars. Then it occurred to me that I had no idea where he wanted things. I looked at him and he was just standing there staring strangely into space again. It was like he'd zoned out. He was in another world completely. What in the fuck was up with that?****

"Hello?" I said and waved an arm in front of his face. He didn't seem to notice. "Professor?"****

I don't know why I did it. Maybe I just really wanted to get it over and done with or maybe I just wanted to get out of detention. The jars I just sat down carefully on the floor and walked toward him, blindly, numb with fear. My brain was shrieking at me to stop but my feet would not obey. They just kept trudging forward until I was practically on top of him. And then I kissed him.****

This was no mere peck, let me tell you. I went all the way with it. I'd crushed myself up against him and he'd stumbled into a wall. I had him pinned. I hadn't realized that I'd grabbed a hold of the lapels of his robes but I used them to help myself reach his level so I could kiss him full on the mouth. I suppose I was a bit over zealous. I wasn't an expert kisser. The only boys I'd kissed had been local Muggle boys and I had been drunk and well, all over every one any way. So, really, I considered this my first kiss.****

Really, I thought that if I kissed Snape, the feelings would just sort of melt away but the fact was that I enjoyed it. A lot. Not that I could say the same for him. At first I thought he was as he put his hands on my waist but half a second later, he was shoving me off of him. I stumbled and fell back on my arse. One look at his face and I was completely mortified. Snape did not look dazed, he did not look enamoured, hell, he didn't even have the decency to look shocked. He just looked completely disgusted as if I were completely detestable and fuck ugly. Apparently, a kiss from me was the worst thing that could've happened to him.**  
**  
"What on God's green earth is the matter with you, girl?" Snape snarled at me. I just stood there, gaping, too shocked by his reaction to really respond. Later on, I could understand his reaction. If some one randomly kissed me with out any sort of warning, I'd probably be pretty disgusted too.****

"I-I..." I couldn't get the words out. I hopped to my feet and ran out of there as quickly as I possibly could. I didn't stop until I got to my bed. I flung myself down, face first, into my pillow. I made sure my nose and mouth was covered before I screamed into my pillow, as loud as I possibly could. I kept screaming until I was hoarse. I thought I was alone, but I wasn't. Tara had come in after me, and stood at the end of my bed until I finally realized she was there.****

"What's wrong?" She sounded alarmed. "What happened?"****

I looked up at her. I was too embarrassed to cry. Really, all I could think to do was kill myself and fast. I would make it fast and clean as to not burden others about cleaning up messy remains.****

"I'm incredibly dim-witted, Tara," I said in a weak voice. "I did something so utterly stupid, I fear I'll never live it down."****

"What did you do?" Tara looked alarmed. Okay, so maybe it wasn't as bad as what she was thinking. "Did you kill Snape or something?"**  
**  
"Worse," I replied. "I kissed him."****

"What?" Tara's jaw dropped as she stared at me in complete wonderment. "Why on earth would you go and do a thing like that?"****

"You told me to!" I snapped back. "You said I should relieve the tension!"****

"I didn't mean for you to go up to Snape and to start snogging him! My God!"****

"Then maybe you should've been more clear!" It was then that I actually did start to cry. Tears leaked out from the corners of my eyes and I ran blindly towards the toilet and went to work trying to drown myself in the sink. I did not have anything to plug the drain with so I just relied on water filling my mouth and nose. Unfortunately, like every other human, my natural reflex to cough and try and dislodge whatever was blocking my breathing passages was in working order. I was also aware of the fact that one could not commit suicide by holding one's breath. I'd tried before. I just ended up passing out and once the conscious effort was gone, everything went back to working order.****

"Stop, Calla!" Tara said. Now, to really picture Tara, you had to think of a sparrow or an equally small bird. She was skinny and light which made her fit to be Seeker on the Quidditch field. She was nimble and I couldn't picture her being strong. So, suffice to say, when she grabbed a hank of my hair and ripped me away from the sink, I was a bit shocked. "We can fix this."****

"No, we can't!" I moaned. "It's done and over. I can't unkiss him. I mean I could remove his memory but that would be more trouble than it's worth."****

"So go down there and _explain!"_****

"Explain what, exactly? Explain that I fancied him and kissed him just so I could get over it? He won't buy it for one second!"****

"Well, that's the truth, isn't it? Why shouldn't he believe you?"****

"Because he already hates me. Now he just thinks I'm disgusting. You should've seen the look on his face! I've never felt so rejected in my life!"****

"I'm sure he was surprised, is all."****

"No," I said slowly. "He didn't seem shocked or surprised. He just seemed disgusted! Like what in the hell is so wrong with kissing me, huh? I didn't have garlic, onions or sour kraut at dinner, so I'm sure my breath wasn't horrendous. Am I just disgusting?"****

"No, there's nothing wrong with you," Tara said, looking quite exasperated.****

"Am I that butch? Isn't that what you said? Maybe that's it! I mean, I grew the mustache so I could go buy liquor without being asked for identification but I didn't think it was that big of a problem!"****

I paced back and forth, as though that would help me solve the problem. Really, I was doing anything to not think about it. I traced my steps and watched my feet travel all over the floor, not going in any specific direction, though if I could've, I'd shoot myself into outer space. Out there, I wouldn't be able to breathe if I wanted to. It really was the perfect suicide. No body, no mess. ****

"What's worse is that it didn't help! Not one bit! Despite how humiliated I was, I still wanted to keep at it!"****

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're demented, Calla?"****

Well, she had me there.

**Kalinda**

****I was always kind of invisible, almost to everyone, peer or professor alike. There was nothing particularly outstanding about me. Just a mediocre witch, with usually average grades, who rarely spoke or smiled much, and was usually well behaved. I wasn't an outstanding beauty, but I was hardly ugly either. Seeing as I was neither short or tall and just of average height and a bit on the slim side of the scale, I wouldn't stand out in a crowd. So you see, it's no wonder I was practically invisible to all.****

Its not that I liked being invisible, but I didn't really see anything special about me and so I felt maybe it was better to remain under the radar. See, the less people you deal with, the less drama you involve yourself in. Besides the more you let people in, the more you open yourself up to being hurt and who needs that? In my experience, letting people in has always lead to disappointment and pain. I guess people really are just shit. Better not to deal with.****

Unfortunately, no matter how much I told myself that loneliness was the human condition, I couldn't get used to it. Apparently I'm weak, and I have repeatedly made the mistake of letting people in, despite knowing better. Time and time again, I've proved myself correct in the assertion that humans, especially the male gender, are complete shit and ultimately not worth dealing with. My latest mistake was one Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin and Potions Master as of my sixth year at Hogwarts.****

As I have just stated, he started teaching at Hogwarts in my sixth year. I really wish I hadn't continued taking Potions to avoid meeting him because he is such an arse, and its not like I was particularly fond of the subject (it's all the manual labor that I object to, not to mention the foul smells). However, seeing as it's such an important subject and seeing how I was still undecided to my career path, I thought I should continue to take it in order to keep my options open. Besides, I think my mother would have freaked out if I dropped the class. Although, considering he became my Head of House, dealing with him would have been inevitable.**  
****  
**In the beginning, I didn't think very much of him. He was just another teacher. Sure I thought he was particularly fascinating to look at and I started to sketch him so often that it was really quite embarrassing just how many sketches I had of him, but I also recognized immediately that he was someone who it really was for the best to be invisible to. Unfortunately despite my talent for it, that was a non-option being as my Potions partner Calla Bigsby, the only person I ever really talked to, tended to get into trouble quite a bit with him.****

I'm not really sure how things changed and became... well I suppose 'fucked up' is the only thing one could term it. I only recall that it was around Halloween, and that I had been in such a rush to leave Potions that day that I didn't realize that I left my sketchbook, a somewhat large leather-bound book, behind in class. I only realized it was missing when it was long past curfew and was searching in my bag for it. I absolutely flipped out when I couldn't find it and nearly tore apart the dorm in search for it when I discovered I must have left it in Potions earlier.****

That book was more than just sketchbook, it was like my soul or heart, as I often scribbled thoughts or lines of poetry in it. The thought of anyone finding it and reading it mortified me. Therefore, without much thought I grabbed my wand and exited Slytherin and broke into the Potions classroom. Usually, I wasn't really one for breaking rules, however, this was of the utmost importance to me. I could really give a crap about the consequences if I was caught, but I was determined of not being caught until I had obtained my objective.****

Sneaking through the dungeons and even breaking into the classroom was pretty much smooth sailings and I didn't hit a snag until I had reached the table where I sat and got my book. I had just crouched on my knees to grab it, as it had somehow fallen to the floor, when I realized that I wasn't alone in the room. Being as it was so dark and I was so caught up freaking out in my head up until that moment, I hadn't noticed that someone else was in the room. I froze when I heard a spine chilling sound that sounded like an animal being killed.****

My heart started pounding wildly and I remained crouching low, frozen in motion while my head shouted WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? For a moment, I stayed there, staring wide-eyed into the darkness, afraid to move or even breathe. Those unholy sounds did not cease and it wasn't until I heard the sniffling and some stifled sobs that I realized that the sounds were coming from a person; someone in what seemed a grievous amount of pain.****

The realization didn't exactly make me feel better. I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to do and for a moment I merely remained crouching there, motionless and silent until I figured out what I should do. It was obvious that whoever it was that was in the classroom crying their hearts out, had no idea I was there, and it would be so simple in the darkness to merely sneak back out without ever being noticed. Really, considering that I could be caught by a professor at any moment, I was inclined to go with this.****

However, the immense pain of whoever this was made my stomach tighten and I hugged my sketchbook to my chest while frowning deeply. I didn't think I could be so heartless as to walk away from someone who was clearly so distraught, without trying to do something for them. I'd never be able to sleep. I knew myself enough to know that I would toss and turn all night and wonder who had been crying and why they were in so much pain and wouldn't be able to help feeling slightly guilty that I had done absolutely nothing.****

Biting on my bottom lip for a moment, I closed my eyes as I shook my head. I knew better than to involve myself in anyone's matters. However, as I got to my feet, I knew that I really had no other choice. Taking in a deep breath, I very silently and slowly approached the area from where the noise came from. Though my eyes had adjusted to the darkness it was still hard to see in the dark. I could really only see the dark outlining of the various desks enough to avoid bumping into anything.****

When I got around Professor Snape's desk, I found that the stifled sobs and broken gasps for breath were becoming louder. Edging around the desk, I found a dark silhouette huddled there. It appeared that someone was sitting on the floor, with their back leaning against the side of the desk. I guessed that the person had their knees drawn up to their chest and were hugging them with their arms, however, it was really hard to tell. The only thing I was certain of was that it wasn't a student, as the size of the figure was quite large. It wasn't until I saw the head of the figure raised from resting on its arms that I realized who it was. You can only draw a person so often before you become so familiar with their appearance that even in the blinding darkness you can tell who they are.****

**"**Professor Snape?" I had asked softly and gently, my tone tainted with confusion. I don't think he heard me that first time as he didn't react. Not having a reaction and considering who it was crying, I felt compelled to kneel down. Putting my sketchbook on the floor, I reached a tentative hand and placed it where I could see the curve of a sunk and shuddering shoulder. "Professor?" I said, gripping his shoulder firmly. I was startled and my heart pounded hard as he pulled rapidly away before I saw a painfully bright light shoved in my face.****

I turned my face slightly to the side and squinted my eyes shut. "Miss Allen?" I heard a choked voice say. Turning slowly I saw that he was pointing his wand at me, and the tip of his wand was lit up. After a moment, I saw beyond the light and saw that he lay practically sprawled on his back, he was holding himself up on one of his elbows while his other arms was thrust forward and holding his wand towards my face. I grimaced when my eyes could see his pale face in the light. His eyes were very puffy and red. The ridges of his hooked nose were red as well, and his face glistened beneath his eyes, nose and on various places of his cheeks.****

I'd never seen a man look so distraught before. My heart broke to see precisely Professor Snape looking quite so hysterical. In the short time I had known him as my professor, the man seemed so calm and collected. The only emotion I'd ever seen him display really seemed to be anger. If it weren't for even showing that, I would have thought he wasn't even human and incapable of feeling anything. It was why I felt my throat closing up with emotion at the sight and my brow furrowed deeply over my eyes which were beginning to water. I had to bite my lip and tell myself that I was being silly and shouldn't be getting worked up about it.****

**"**Are you alright?" I asked very softly when I was sure I had reigned in my stupid emotions, which I refused to allow get the better of me. His face was contorted in pain from what I could see, though his brow was furrowed in confusion as he stared at me. Tears were continually streaking down his cheek and he seemed to be having trouble breathing.****

**"**What the hell are you doing here Allen?" he managed to growl out as he sat up swiftly. I could feel the outrage he felt radiating off him and I could understand, I would hate anyone to see me looking so weak. Feeling slightly afraid and knowing I should have just walked away instead of giving a shit about whoever was crying, I got to my feet while biting nervously on my bottom lip.****

**"**I... I just forgot something and came to get it. I'm sorry for intruding," I murmured as I was about to back away. However, he suddenly reached out for my wrist and grabbed it in a pincer grip and pulled me forward.****

**"**It couldn't wait?" he growled angrily.****

By this point my heart was thundering painfully in my chest and I could feel a cold sweat sprouting on my brow and back. However, when I looked down at his face as he stared up at me, glaring through a tear-filled gaze something inside me seemed to snap. He was holding me, and I realized that he didn't want me to leave. Looking down into his eyes, I would have sworn that they pleaded for me to stay. Very slowly, not really sure what I was doing, I knelt back down next to him and slowly reached out for a hand and cupped his cheek. His hand dropped my wrist as he pulled his face back and away from my hand.****

**"**What are you doing?" he hissed, as though my touch had burned him.****

**"**I want to help you," I whispered as I bit on my plump bottom lip and once more tentatively reached out to touch his face, this time with both hands. He furrowed his brow, staring at me in confusion as he lowered his wand to the floor. However, I could still see the light reflecting in his dark eyes. I wasn't really sure what I was doing as I held his face between my hands and leaned forward, my face coming dangerously close to his. I only had a vague idea, and didn't want to think about it too much as I didn't want to chicken out by over-thinking it. "I can make you forget, if only for a while," I murmured softly in a low tone as my lips hovered for a moment over his before I leaned forward and brushed my lips softly against his, for but a moment and I heard him gasp.****

Pulling back, I could feel his breath still on my face. I wished for more light, wishing to read his expression, however, seeing that I wouldn't be able to discern the expression on his face at the moment and getting no reaction from him, I once more leaned forward and brushed my lips against his once more tentatively. His were amazingly soft, and I didn't pull away as fast as I did before. "You're my student, and underage, I can't do this," he said, his voice coming out in a rushed croak as he pulled away as much as he could considering I held his face in my hands. "You have to leave."****

**"**You're not my first, Professor, and I think my age is therefore irrelevant. And no one has to know. I just want to help you; I don't want anything more from you," I whispered huskily. At this point, I burned to have more of him and couldn't bring myself to desist from the road I had already embarked on. If I were honest with myself, I sketched him so often because I wanted him. And now, he seemed so within my grasp, that I didn't want to leave. I couldn't.****

I ran my hands to the back of his neck and laced my fingers into his hair, fisting it gently as I leaned forward and placed my most convincing kiss on his lips. I moved my lips slowly against his though his remained still. I managed to catch his bottom lip, though it was so thin, between my own and for a moment nibbled lightly on it. This caused him to gasp in surprise and I immediately took advantage of this and slithered my tongue into his mouth. I knew I had him as soon as I teasingly started flicking my tongue against his, as in response he snaked his arm, which dropped his wand, around my waist and pulled me closer.****

After that, you can say the rest became history. From that point on, Professor Snape and I became what people would term friends with benefits. However, without the friends part. Snape... he isn't good at making friends and well, considering my own track record, neither was I. I mean really, in order to make friends you need to be willing to open yourself up to them, and that simply was just not Snape and I. Besides, I thought that if we kept things purely about the sex between us, that things would be so much easier. No emotional attachments, just sex.****

Unfortunately, that didn't work. Despite knowing hardly anything about the man, I somehow grew attached. As the months went on, I wanted more from him than just sex. I wanted him to love me, to adore me the way my father adored my mother. Hell, I think I would have even settled if he just felt anything at all towards me. However, he didn't and I don't think he'd ever feel anything for anyone. It was why the situation became increasingly frustrating. I wanted more from him, but I couldn't let him know that. In fact, I couldn't even let him know that I cared in the least about him. It just isn't in me.****

I was unsatisfied, not sexually, but in every other aspect with this relationship I had with him. However, I couldn't walk away from it because even though Snape didn't care for me, he made it quite clear that he thought of me like his personal property. In his head, I was _his_. I wasn't even sure I could walk away from it. Besides, I really had no motivation for moving on. I mean the sex was good and sure I was unfulfilled emotionally, but its not like I had any other options. At least the sex made me feel less lonely, even if it was just an illusion.****

So I let it carry on into my seventh year. Then, things started to change. I started... feeling things that I had never felt before. At first it was simply astonishment that someone had _noticed_me and not just that, but thought that I was something special. Soon, this person lit me up in a way that I didn't know was possible. This person made me feel like the things I had to say were actually important, made me feel like I was charming and someone worthwhile to be around. Next thing I knew, I looked forward to seeing this person everyday. The mere thought of them made my stomach get butterflies and I felt like I was just bursting to just speak to them.****

It was really something I never felt before. I didn't even know what it was. I didn't even understand how someone could make me feel so nervous, and yet so _alive _with just a smile and a few words. However, when I started to wonder if perhaps this is what people called love, I couldn't possibly believe how that could be. Especially when considering that this person was not only a professor, but female. ****

**TBC...******

**Hades'Queen: **Well that was the first chapter. Hopefully there weren't very many mistakes. Hope that you read and enjoyed, please review and tell us your thoughts. Perhaps we'll update weekly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Calla**

Once more, I found myself avoiding any sort of confrontation with Snape, only this time he didn't try to bait me. He ignored me completely, as if I didn't exist, which was fine by me. I didn't want to exist let alone exist in his private little universe.

My humiliation did not dwindle but it helped that it was nearly time for the first Quidditch match of the season, against Ravenclaw. Since I was keeping my nose clean and out of detention, I was able to make it to practice. But that did not mean I wasn't itching to talk to someone about it. I didn't really want anyone to know and the only one who did know was Tara but she was too busy panicking and planning strategies for the match that it was impossible to talk anything but Quidditch with her. It was quite annoying.

"I want to kill myself, Tara."

"Just so long as you block the Bludgers with your body."

Useless, she was.

It's not that I went around blurting random secrets to people I didn't rightly know. But sometimes, I found that it helped to talk to someone about it, which is why I told Kalinda Allen about my little crisis. I hadn't meant to tell her and really, she didn't talk to many people so I didn't expect that she'd go spouting off and telling anyone who would listen.

I guess she noticed the awkwardness during our potion lessons. For one, I wasn't speaking out of turn, nor was I making snide remarks under my breath. She wasn't having to move out of Snape's way when he would come stomping over to me to get into my face any more. And I'm sure she noticed that every time he walked by, I jumped a little.

"What's wrong?" She asked me one day. Of course, I was moping and staring at Snape's form as he hunched over his desk, grading papers. He wasn't paying much attention to any one so it was safe to talk. It was almost like he'd zoned out again, like he had _that _night.

"Me?" I asked, startled. I was lost in my own little world at that point. "Nothing's wrong."

"Are you sure? Because it really does seem like there is something wrong with you."

"Look, you can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you." I sighed. I had to tell someone and she had brought it up. "Our last detention, I'm afraid I did something rather...stupid." Kalinda just raised an eyebrow at me. "I sort of erm...kissed Snape."

"You? You kissed Snape?"

"It was an accident!" I tried to justify. Again, a raised eyebrow was the only reaction I got. "Well, okay, it wasn't an accident, but I couldn't really stop myself from doing it. I wasn't thinking. I just thought that maybe it would relieve some sexual tension between me and him."

"Did it?"

"Did it what?"

"Did it relieve the tension?"

"Er...not really, no. I sort of ran out before I could really give it much thought. Truth be told, I want to sort of do it again."

And it was true. As horrified as I was at my behavior, I wanted to try again. Perhaps under different circumstances. I suddenly regretted all of the shenanigans I'd pulled in class and being a general twat but in all fairness, he was a certified twat of the highest level.

"Well, do you think he'd be receptive to it?" Kalinda asked. I gave her a curious sort of look, unsure of what she meant at first but after a moment it sank in.

"Probably not. Considering how he reacted..." I glanced up at him again. He was looking up, at me, at Kalinda, the both of us. I'm not sure if he was trying to catch either of our eye or if he was just looking in our general direction. He was glaring, however, which made me uneasy. He probably did not appreciate me running my mouth but honestly, what could it hurt? He wasn't a willing participant. If anything, I was the biggest fool in this mess. "I'm not sure if it would've been easier if he had wanted it. I don't honestly know what I expected, exactly. I just wasn't thinking."

I felt a sinking sensation in my stomach, as though someone had dropped an explosive and at any given moment it would explode as I pictured the horror upon Snape's face. I wanted to hit myself over and over again. Not to mention that if word ever got out, I could be in some serious shit.

Kalinda didn't ask more on the subject, luckily. She just went on, brewing her potion. Much to my horror, I realized there was only five minutes left of class and that I hadn't even started on my own potion. I quickly glanced at the instructions and started doing the steps in warp speed. It was a pretty useless attempt. I managed to ruin the potion within the first three steps. By step three, my potion was supposed to have turned a milky white color and my potion had turned bright green. It looked radioactive.

"Fuck!" I swore when Snape announced that time was up. There was no way on earth I could turn the potion in. We were supposed to be making some sort of complicated sleep potion and while I thought the fact that if I rolled around in mine, I'd probably gain super powers was pretty fucking awesome, Snape would not find it satisfactory. It would only give him an excuse to talk to me and thus add a continuance on my humiliation. To avoid having to make any sort of eye contact with him, I turned my flask in with a gaggle of students after the bell had sounded. I was almost out of the door when Snape called me back. I groaned under my breath and retreated.

"What is this supposed to be?" He dangled my flask with two fingers. I looked down at my hands and shrugged.

"A potion, sir."

"This is not a potion, Bigsby. It's an unnatural holy abomination. Can you not see the board or do you need glasses?"

"I have in contact lenses," I replied tartly and untruthfully.

"You must be completely illiterate."

"Uh no," I said. "My reading level is way above average."

"Tell me," Snape said. "Is it really that difficult to follow instructions?"

"I'd probably never make a career out of being in the military, if that's what you're implying."

He ignored this. "Perhaps if you spent less time in my classroom chit-chatting, you'd actually get some work done."

"Noted, sir," I replied dryly. I so was not in the mood for this. I had Quidditch practice in an hour and I wasn't looking forward to it. I wanted to get it done and over with.

"Don't take that tone with me, Bigsby."

"What tone?"

"That snotty know-it-all tone. I'm your teacher, I demand respect from you."

Respect? I wanted to laugh in his face. Since when did he deserve my respect? Sure, he was my teacher and all and I don't have a problem with authority but at the same time, he was completely hideous to me. Why should I go out of my way to show him respect?

"Kay," I said and started off again.

"You're just begging for detention," he said with a slight sneer.

"No, if I were begging for detention, I'd say, 'Please let me have a detention.'"

Snape's face flushed with anger. I thought for sure he'd do a hurdle leap over his desk and try and strangle me. The fact that I'd managed to get a reaction out of him pleased me to no end. It was sort of my revenge for making me feel like a complete baboon.

"What did you say?" He asked in a dangerous whisper. I could've shit myself. It wasn't the worst thing I'd ever said to him but it was pretty snarky of me. Not to mention the fact that I'd royally pissed him off by kissing him to begin with.

"I-..." Well, I couldn't explain myself. "Sorry, that was an awful thing to say."

That stumped him. Never before had I ever saw fit to apologize to him. I was a bit surprised myself. The bomb in my stomach went off. I felt a rush of embarrassment the likes of which I'd never felt before in my life. I don't even think the kiss was anything compared to me actually apologizing for being a complete cunt.

"I should probably leave before I make a complete fool out of myself," I said hollowly. I looked down at my wrist, which did not have a watch or any other time telling device on it and said, "Oh, would you look at that! It's time for my piano lesson!"

"Piano lesson? I wasn't aware that one could study piano at Hogwarts," Snape said. His expression made my heart leap in my throat. He didn't look angry or confused but rather, he looked amused. What in the fuck? Did the fucker have a bipolar disorder or something? It was extremely unsettling, not to mention creepy.

"Cello lesson, then! Fuck, I don't know! I just want to get the hell out of here without seeming rude!"

"You're dismissed, Bigsby. Just leave." Apparently, he was feeling quite merciful. I took full advantage of that and left as quickly as I could, determined to never speak to him again if I could help it. That task was not simple, however.

**Kalinda**

I'd never considered myself lesbian or even bisexual. Sure I could admit that there were women that I thought were attractive from time to time, but to be honest, speaking purely aesthetically, women _are_ the fairer sex. Our bodies were made more beautifully, more aesthetically pleasing to the eye, than the bodies of men. However, I never considered women as romantic or even sexual possibilities. Its not that I thought it was wrong or had anything against lesbians, or bisexuals or anyone gay at all. It's simply that... the idea of sex with a woman was just not appealing to me. At least not the playing with their bits and performing oral on them. I didn't even particularly like playing with my own bits (not particularly fond of moisture you see, nor anything sticky), and the musky scent, though not unappealing, I thought I would find far too overwhelming for my nose to be able to perform oral well enough.

Therefore, I couldn't fathom that I'd fallen for a woman. Especially not when considering how much I really did enjoy sex with Severus and the sex-partner I had prior to him. However, I couldn't keep myself from thinking of her and really could find no other explanation for it. I mean what else could cause one's heart to beat so hard by the mere sight of someone? Why else would their name come unbidden to your mind at every second of the day? Why else would their image be burned into the back of your eyelids? Why else would you yearn every hour of the waking day to be in their presence?

I was utterly confused when I realized what it all had to mean. I didn't see how I could have fallen for a female Professor or why, considering how I knew any such relationship to be impossible, it should put even more of a strain on what I felt for Snape. Why should an impossibility put an end to something that though possible, wasn't completely fulfilling? It was enough before, why did her appearance in my life make that no longer even remotely close to being enough anymore? Why did I even care for having more? Hadn't past experiences taught that it was better to not love at all?

I tried not to think about it. Told myself to put it out of my mind and just continue the same routine with Snape, at least that way I couldn't get hurt by rejection or disappointment as I already had him and knew what to expect of him, which really isn't much. However, something occurred that made me reconsider. At least, it half-way convinced me that I had to end things with Snape and at least try to make something happen with the woman I apparently loved.

See, the event occurred on the first Hogsmead weekend of the year which as per usual was around Halloween. Considering I didn't have any friends nor a need for anything I was not going. Instead I was passing my free time as I usually did when I had nothing better I wanted to do, tucked away in the muggle Literature section of the library where hardly anyone ever frequented. In fact, in all the years I was at Hogwarts, I'd never before seen any other students there. Suffices to say I thought of this as my own private nook.

I was therefore startled and slightly horrified by the sudden appearance of Professor Bell, who seemed to be in her late twenties and was this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. "Kalinda! What are you doing here, why aren't you in Hogsmead?" Professor Bell asked, a sweet smile curving her petal-pink lips as her straight, shoulder-length, straight brown hair framed her face. I forced myself to turn my attention back to the book I had been reading in order to avoid staring at her mesmerizing eyes.

"No one to go with," I murmured in response with a nonchalant shrug of my shoulders as I toyed with the right corner of the pages of the book with my index finger and thumb. For a moment, I bit on my lip. I knew that she was staring at me intensely because I could feel her gaze burning the top of my dark-haired crown as she looked down at me.

"What do you mean you have no one to go with?" she asked, and I could hear the concern in her voice. I could feel my cheeks blushing from embarrassment.

"In case you haven't noticed Professor, I don't exactly have any friends," I muttered, feeling slightly angry as I tried to concentrate on the page before me. She was silent for a moment and I for a moment wished that she would just leave me be. I couldn't stand the idea that I must seem like some pathetic loner to her.

"What about Calla? I thought you two were friends."

"Calla has other friends I'm sure she'd prefer to spend her day with," I replied a little coldly. However, after a moment's thought, I wondered at the fact that she had noticed that I spoke to Calla. For some odd reason, my stomach knotted itself at the thought and I felt my insides go warm and fuzzy at the thought that she would take notice of the fact.

"What about a boyfriend? I'm sure a girl as beautiful as you surely has a boyfriend," Professor Bell asked. I looked up at her with my brows furrowed. I'd never thought of myself as beautiful. Sure I had long, straight hair that was pitch black and shiny that any girl would envy, but there wasn't much I could do with it. As for my eyes, they were a boring dark color. And I rather thought that my body was far too slim and hardly had any curves to speak of. I mean if it weren't for the fact that my waist was small and my hips sort of flare out, I would think myself curveless. Although, I suppose I'm being unfair as my bottom was a pleasant curve itself. Or so I had been told.

"No, I don't. Boys my age are immature and unsuitable for dating," I responded, and you can't tell me I was lying as Professor Snape did not count as a boyfriend. I don't know what he was, but sure as hell wasn't that. However, after making the statement, I wondered whether it was unfair to say. Really it seemed to me that ALL men were like that. I mean the first guy I was ever with, was almost two years older than me and he was not the settling type. And look at Snape, the man is twenty-two and for some reason still has commitment issues. I thought perhaps I should rectify my statement by saying ALL men are immature, but she didn't give me the opportunity as she went on.

"I see," she said and was silent for a moment. By that time I had turned my attention back to the large book I was reading, wondering when she was planning to leave. Honestly, despite how fond of her I had grown, I didn't like feeling so on edge and that seemed to happen whenever she was around. "Well Kalinda, would you like to go to the Three-Broomsticks with me?" she asked, causing me to look up at her with a furrowed brow and a slight frown. Immediately, her face seemed to flushed and her smile seemed rather nervous to me. "It's just that... well you should get out of the castle when you have the chance. I'm sure you could use the distraction. Although... I suppose you might be embarrassed to be seen with your Professor by your fellow peers. If that's the case-"

"I couldn't possibly care less what my peers think of me," I replied, getting to my feet suddenly. Professor Bell wore heels, so the top of my head only seemed to reach her shoulder... like Snape. "I'd love to Professor," I said with a very small polite smile. I couldn't possibly pass up this opportunity.

In response, Professor Bell smiled brilliantly. Her blue eyes, around the pupil, had flecks of yellow which made them look lime-green. "You know, you should smile more often Kali, makes you quite stunning," she murmured softly, looking down at her feet as she motioned for us to get going. It was that moment that half-convinced me that I needed to stop whatever it was that I had with Professor Snape, though I'm not sure why.

What finished making up my mind was when Calla told me that she kissed Professor Snape. She'd been acting strangely and despite not wanting to get involved in anyone's business, I couldn't help asking her what was wrong. When she responded, I pretty much had to ask her to repeat herself as I couldn't possibly believe that I heard her correctly. When she confirmed it, I was momentarily stunned, though I reigned in the impulse to react in any way. The fact was, I wasn't sure how I should react.

Despite all the blossoming feelings for Professor Bell, I _did_ care for Snape. And though I believed that our relationship, if it could be called that, was purely sexual, that didn't keep me from feeling like I was betrayed. Sure we had never said that we were shagging each other exclusively, but I felt that if Snape considered me to be his and as he expressed on several occasions, loathed the idea of me even talking to another boy, I thought that the same rules should apply to him.

However, when Calla mentioned the fact that she would like to kiss Snape again, I wondered if perhaps I were not being selfish. Clearly Calla felt _something_ for Snape, and it might have been more than I did. Besides, no matter how much I thought it should be so considering the fact that I was shagging the man, Snape wasn't mine.

Actually, I wasn't sure why he shagged me in the first place. I had the feeling that he only did so because he was distraught and I also suspected that he was a virgin. I mean, under those circumstances, what man _would_ pass up the opportunity for sex? I mean men seem to have a hard time passing up sex even when not under any form of turmoil or desperate need. I'm sure that had it been Calla that had walked in on him that night, he would have jumped at the chance to be with her. I mean he did seem to rather enjoy antagonizing her. He rather reminded me of the way little boys pick on the girls that they like, teasing them and stuff.

He'd never given me much attention before we shagged. In fact, I was surprised that night that he even knew my name, despite the fact that I was in his House. "Well, do you think he'd be receptive to it?" I asked softly, not sounding the least bit curious and only mildly interested in what she could possibly respond.

I wasn't sure whether I was pleased or not by Calla's response. A part of me felt relieved that Snape had rejected her, I mean surely that had to mean that he cared a little for me, didn't it? However, the part of me that somehow had grown to care for Calla as a friend and wanted to be free of Severus, felt bad that she had been rejected. Really, considering the fact that I had feelings Professor Bell, I wondered if it were not better for Calla to get with Snape. Then he would leave me alone.

I was quiet and tried to concentrate on my potion for the rest of class. When class finished and I turned in a half-way decent potion and started to exit, I was aware of Snape calling out for Calla. I was already at the threshold of the classroom when he called out her name. I paused and turned with a furrowed brow and a frown. This is what I was talking about. It almost seemed to me that Snape couldn't resist having a confrontation with Calla even when something awkward had occurred between the two of them. I shook my head and turned to leave. This event was what finished convincing me that I had to get away from Snape before being with him poisoned and tainted my soul more than it already was.

Unfortunately, having no experience in dumping someone, I had no idea how to do it. Although, I felt silly for considering it dumping considering Snape and I weren't even dating. And I wasn't sure why the thought of doing so made my stomach tie up in unpleasant knots as if it would hurt him. Snape didn't care about me, why should I feel guilty for hurting his feelings? Did he even have feelings? I told myself I was just being a coward and after dinner that evening I decided that I needed to confront Snape about it. After all, him kissing Calla was the perfect excuse to end things. At least that way he wouldn't take it personally. I mean didn't I have the right to act like the offended, dignified girlfriend who had every right to dump a man for cheating on her? Though as I knocked on the door, I did feel guilty as Calla had asked me not to tell anyone. However, it wasn't as though she had waited a response, and I hadn't acquiesced to any such thing so I shouldn't feel too bad about it, should I? Besides, what was the worst that could happen?

Steeling myself up for the moment of truth, I took a deep breath and knocked on his office door. I felt like I was holding my breath and stared down at my feet while waiting for a response. Feeling incredibly nervous, I stuck my right hand into my robe pocket and started playing with a broken bracelet in my pocket, fingers playing with the chain before passing my thumb over the thin golden plaque on which my name was embossed.

I jumped slightly and looked up when the door was violently thrown open. With wide eyes, I stared up for a moment in shock before recovering myself and controlling the expression on my face. "Miss Allen, what are you doing here?" he asked with a raised brow as he looked down coldly at me.

"I came to talk to you," I replied, straightening up to my full height as I knew I'd previously been hunching. I hated being so much smaller than him. I hated the way he always seemed to look down his nose at me.

"What about?" he asked as he narrowed his gaze at me suspiciously.

I merely raised a brow, though I was getting increasingly vexed. "You'd like us to carry this conversation here on your threshold?" I asked somewhat sarcastically. He never liked it when I took a tone with him and I could see him set his jaw. I could see the muscle of it pulsing in his cheek as he clenched and ground his teeth. His eyes were beginning to sparkle dangerously in the darkness.

"I haven't the time for this," he said as he turned, about to go into his office and surely bang his door shut in my face.

"I had an interesting conversation with Calla today in class. You'd never guess what she told me," I suddenly said very coolly, causing him to freeze in the doorway with his back to me. He turned to me then, his mouth twisted in a very angry snarl as he suddenly snatched up my arm and dragged me into the office, slamming the door shut behind him. I was quick to slip my arm out of his grasp, take a few steps away from him and turn to face him, turning on him so quickly my hair flared out in a fan around me before settling back down. Quite a feat considering my hair reaches nearly the small of my back. "I know we didn't agree to be exclusive, but I refuse to be a concubine in your harem."

In case you are not aware, in ancient India, a harem was an area in which the King's many concubines all lived secluded completely from men. The women that lived there were quite pampered and lived almost as well as the queen, all for the sole purpose of being with the king. They are often referred to as "little wives" and the marriage of the king could be considered polygamous.

My mother is half Indian, although she also has a mess of other nationalities mixed in her blood. She doesn't cling fervently to her Indian roots, but as it is the much greater portion of her nationality, she _does_ have _some_ attachment to India and has passed a bit of it down to me. I think it's because of this that I have large, black eyes and very straight, dark hair. That is not to mention also that my skin is a light brown color, which makes it look as though it were kissed by the sun.

Severus crossed his arms over his chest. "The part of the jealous and scorned lover does not suit you, Kalinda. You can drop the act," he sneered coldly. I crossed my arms over my chest and felt my cheeks flushing angrily.

"I am not jealous, but I have pride and dignity. You can really do whatever it is you want Severus, I don't care. But don't expect me to keep fucking you," I said as I made my way toward the exit.

"You've been severely misinformed. Miss Bigsby kissed me, and I shoved her away. Don't think for a moment that I was a willing participant or that I care for it to be repeated. You can't hold me responsible for something I didn't do," he said as he stood in my way and grabbed me by the arms forcing me to look up at him. I raised a brow skeptically.

"And how do I know that it isn't what you wanted?" I pointed out.

"Because you're not an idiot, Kalinda, and you've demonstrate often enough that you know precisely what I want," he sneered. Another blush spread across my cheeks. That felt a lot more like an insult than a compliment, though I'm not sure that's how he meant it. However, I thought that it was a little more to the point to say that I knew what he _needed_, not necessarily wanted. They are two _vastly different _things, despite the fact that people may think of them as the exact same thing.

"Excuse me if I feel disinclined to continue being generous with you by providing what you _want_. Being as you are so _brilliant_ I'm sure you can scheme up a way to get what you want from someone else," I said sarcastically as I tried to step out of his grasp, though I knew I had gone too far. His sneer instantly became another snarl and I could see the vein in his temple throb.

"Just what are you trying to imply, Kalinda? Need I remind you that it was _you_ that pursued _me_?" he asked in a very cold and dangerous, low tone. "You are going to stop behaving like a spoiled child, because that's not who you are and it doesn't suit you. I already explained what happened. Don't think for a second I am going to allow you to walk away from this so easily."

"Walk away from what? What is _this_? If you just want a sex puppet you can find someone else, because I'm worth more than that!"

For a moment, his shock overruled the angry expressions that previously occupied his features. However, that was only momentary as he suddenly crossed his arms over his chest and glared down at me. "I can see you have a very high opinion of me," he said sardonically. "Kalinda, do you think that I would jeopardize my career and liberty for something so trivial as sex? _That_ I can easily get from any Knockturn alley floozy."

I furrowed my brow and bit my bottom lip at this. I didn't comprehend how he managed to flip the tables on me and made me come off as the bad guy suddenly. I felt my stomach churn in guilt. Honestly I always thought Snape could be a bit of an arse, but I'd always respected him. He was brilliant, very talented and powerful. "I never thought of that," I said, downcasting my gaze, wondering WHY I hadn't ever thought of that. If he and I were ever caught, Severus would not only lose his job but be sent to Azkaban as when we started having sex I was still underage. "But then why do you do it? What does that make us?" I asked, suddenly looking up.

Severus looked distinctly uncomfortable suddenly and for a moment, I recalled why I liked him as much as I had. Severus was, to me at least, a charming mixture of grace and awkwardness. When it came to making potions, all his movements were infallible. However, it seemed to me on occasions, that he felt distinctly out of place and unsure of himself. Almost vulnerable.

"I'm not sure," he stated slowly. I was slightly disappointed by this, though, I'm not sure why. I guess it was because for a moment a part of me hoped that he felt love for me. However, seeing that wasn't so, I felt slightly angry too. Partly just because with those last comments I'd lost the leg to stand on for justified anger and I couldn't get out of this to be free of him. Though, I could also wring that for what it was worth.

"Then maybe you should figure it out, but until then-" I was saying, trying to walk around him and get out. However, he reached out and grabbed my arm and wouldn't let me go.

"What do you want from me? What do you want me to say? I've already admitted its more than just sex, that's enough. I can't give you more of a response because I don't know and I'm sure that you don't either," he said and for a moment I grimaced as I knew he had a point. I didn't know what we had and I didn't know what I felt for him. I care for him, but lately I didn't feel that was enough. I could even say that I loved him and it was the romantic kind of love, but since meeting Professor Bell it didn't seem enough. However, what if what I felt for Bell was just a passing fancy, a ludicrous infatuation and what I had with Snape, whatever it was, was the real thing?

It was all just too confusing. I didn't know what to do and I certainly didn't know what I was supposed to say to him. Looking up, I saw that he was watching me through narrowed eyes. He was waiting for something, however, I could see a smug smirk of triumph tugging at the corners of his mouth. I didn't like it. It was like he knew he had me or something.

"Right. Be that as it may, the incident isn't appreciated. You'd never let me live something like that down and I don't rightly see why I should accept such behavior from you," I replied tartly, straightening up and crossing my arms once more over my chest as I eyed him coldly. That wiped that stupid, smug smile from his face.

"I already told you, it was _your_ _friend_ that kissed _me_. And that was all it was, I pushed her away. I am not interested in Miss Bigsby," he hissed, glaring at me. "Whatever the circumstance, I am only interested in monogamous relationship. I don't tolerate anything but, even from myself."

I raised a skeptical brow. I really didn't believe him when he said he wasn't interested in Calla. However, perhaps he wasn't aware of it. "Fine," I said with a designated sigh as I dropped my arms to the side. At the moment I was too tired to continue the argument. Drama exhausts me and I didn't want to presently deal with the situation anymore. "I have to go, though. I have a lot of work to do."

In response he raised a brow and continued to stare at me through a narrowed gaze. Severus knows that for the most part I don't care much for my work and tend to procrastinate. I'm sure he doubted it was true that there was work I really needed to get to. However, he didn't seem to wish to press matters, so he merely stepped aside and swept a hand towards the door, apparently giving me permission to leave, at last. I didn't hesitate to walk out of his office and didn't look back at him or say farewell as I left. I just honestly didn't want to deal with him at the present moment.

**Calla**

A day later, I was summoned to his office after supper. He'd sent a Slytherin Prefect along with the notice during supper. The note was short and terse. I knew I was in deep trouble, though for what I wasn't sure.

He'd just barely beat me to his office after supper that night. I caught him just as he was about to enter. He grabbed a hold of my arm before I had a chance to react and dragged me inside. He then flung me into a chair and proceeded to stoop so low that our noses were touching. Had I been completely mental, I would've used this opportunity to kiss him again like I wanted. It was thrilling in a big way even though I was scared.

"Just what in the hell did you tell Kalinda Allen?" Snape growled through clenched teeth. Spit flew. Oh yeah, he was pissed off.

"I don't know, I tell her a lot of things. We're sort of friends, you see."

"You know perfectly well what I mean, Bigsby! Don't play innocent!"

"I didn't tell her anymore than what actually happened," I said calmly. I'd trusted Kalinda to not say anything to anyone but I supposed Snape didn't really count as he'd been there.

"Tell me why, then, she thinks I'm some sort of fiend?"

"She said you were a fiend?" I asked, mildly surprised. Kalinda didn't strike me as the type that would say something like that to anyone, let alone a teacher.

"No, she seems to think that I'm to blame!"

"Did you tell her you weren't?" How I was able to stay calm was beyond me. "I thought I made it clear that you didn't really want it and that I was the fiend."

"That's not how she took it!" Snape snarled. "I don't want her thinking that I'm some sex starved predator that goes after my students!"

That struck me as odd. I don't know why but he made it seem like he really only cared about what _she _thought. Furthermore, why would she confront Snape with that anyway? She wasn't really the type that liked drama and if she were that concerned about it, why didn't she go to some higher authority instead going to him?

"...As opposed to everyone else thinking you're some sex starved predator that goes after your students?"

He seemed to have caught his mistake as he sort of paled (well, he looked paler than normal, I should say).

"Of course I don't want anyone thinking that!"

"Look, Snape-"

"_Professor," _he hissed. I rolled my eyes.

"Right, well, what ever. I'm not exactly spreading this around the school. I'm completely humiliated. The point is, I had to talk to someone and I didn't think Kalinda would tell anyone and I'm sure she won't tell anyone else."

"You're probably right...for once."

Bastard. That only made me like him more.

**TBC...**

**Hades'Queen:** Considering the story is told from two perspectives, there is some overlap. Hopefully this does not get confusing, however, if you have any questions or if something isn't clear, please feel free to ask. Other than that, hope that you have enjoyed the chapter. Please review!

Special thanks to 'The Smoothest Criminal' for being the only one to review thus far.


	3. Chapter 3

**Kalinda**

I didn't see Severus the following day. Not that I was avoiding him, really. I mean as it is, I usually only see him when we have class and when he managed to make time for me and fit me into his schedule. Considering all the work he has to grade, the detentions and the fact that he does still have to manage Slytherin, we don't see each other more than maybe once or twice during the week and that's usually over the weekend. Its only on rare occasions that we spend a couple hours together during the school week. Besides, considering we mostly do only one thing while together, seeing each other during the week isn't really necessary as it would only leave time for quickies in open areas and Severus is cautious enough to not want to get caught, which can occur no matter how many precautions you take. That isn't to say it never happens, but few and far inbetween.

Therefore being as it was not the weekend just yet and being as I did have a lot of work to do, I didn't care for seeing him. Besides, I kind of wanted time to think. I felt that things needed to end with Severus before they became toxic. I honestly did esteem him and I didn't want him to hate me or vice versa. Therefore, I couldn't just dump him with no excuse. And I was sure he would loathe me if I told him that the reason was because I thought I was falling in love with someone else.

Even in my own head that sounded lame. I wasn't even sure if it was love or perhaps just insanity as my head still couldn't wrap around the idea that I could be interested in Professor Bell in an amorous way unless I was at least bisexual. However, after spending a day of watching fellow female-students... I was sure I couldn't be. Sure there were plenty of pretty girls at Hogwarts, but I wasn't even remotely interested in any of them. So why was Professor Bell any different and how could I hope for anything to work there?

I wanted to slam my forehead against the desk as I thought of it during defense, however, that seemed far too melodramatic for me so I merely sat in class and instead of paying attention to Professor Bell's lecture, I was sketching in my sketchbook whom by the way I have named Aandaleeb. Yes I know it's odd to name an object, but as I have said my sketchbooks mean so much to me and since I have quite a few, I name each one as one would name children.

And yes perhaps I should have been paying attention to the lesson, but I had a feeling it was all the same anyway. I mean, I would probably end up paying more attention to Professor Bell, than on what she was saying. So either way, the lesson might not sink in very well, so what did it matter if I was sketching or not? Besides at least with sketching, I could take my mind off all the confusing circumstances in my life.

I was drawing a purple lotus. It was my favorite of all flowers and not simply because it was purple. My father, a English, muggle-born wizard, owned a shop that sold quills and inks which he himself made and could be rather pricey at times. He provided me with a large variety of these supplies and in recent years developed a purple ink that smelled of lavender. It was a birthday present for me because he knew purple was my favorite color, and he named the ink Purple Sun in honor of me. Considering I wasn't allowed to write in colored inks for my classwork, I used this ink whenever I draw purple lotus flowers, which was almost all the time.

I was so caught up in doing this, that I was startled when I heard someone lightly touch my shoulder. I turned slowly to see Professor Bell walking by, still lecturing the rest of the class. As she caught my gaze, she motioned to what I was doing and shook a finger discreetly at me while giving me a benign smile. She wasn't angry that I wasn't paying attention, but she made it clear that she'd rather I pay attention to the lesson, rather than draw.

I felt myself blushing slightly at this. I sighed as I tapped my wand on the page to dry the ink, before closing Aandaleeb and stashing him away. When class ended, I was compelled to linger behind and apologize to Professor Bell. "I'm sorry about not paying attention," I said as I walked up to her desk, frowning slightly. She turned and looked at me with her eyebrows raising in surprise.

"You didn't have to apologize, Kali. I'd just prefer it if you paid attention to the lesson. I know you are bright girl and I'm sure you can pass the class with flying colors without much instruction, but I'm sure things would be a lot easier for you if you concentrated in class. That way you wouldn't have as much work," she said mildly. I merely looked down at my feet for a moment and nodded while adjusting the strap of my messenger bag.

"Yes, sometimes I wonder if I should just leave Aandaleeb in the dorm, so I'm not tempted. But then I imagine I would probably just start sketching in the margins of my text and it wouldn't make a difference," I blurted out before blushing. Why was I even telling her all this?

"Aandaleeb?"

"I name my sketchbooks. It means Bluebird," I said, blushing once more. I felt my heart begin to throb as she suddenly smiled at me in amusement. She really had the prettiest smile. And it made her eyes light up.

"I see," she said. "What were you sketching... if you don't mind me asking?"

"A purple lotus. My mother says in India the Lotus flower is very important."

"So you _are_ of Indian descent?"

I shrugged in response to this. "About a quarter, if that."

I was startled to find that seemed seemed to know a lot more about the flower than I did. In fact, she knew a lot about India and we spent the following several hours talking about it. Apparently she lived there for some years in her childhood and was rather fond of it. Being as I have never been, I was interested. By the time we realized that we had been speaking for hours, it was very near to curfew and I was tired, so I went straight to bed.

**Calla**

Ah, yes. The big Quidditch match against Ravenclaw. It's a big day for us Puffers because it can either make our season or break our season. It would also determine whether or not we would be playing Slytherin or Gryffindor in the next match. Slytherin had won the first match of the season, so if we won this match, we would be playing them and if we beat _them, _that would ensure us a spot in the Cup match. Usually, we never beat Ravenclaw, but Tara was bound and determined that this year would be different. She could feel it in her bones.

It was a good match, I'll give it that much and Tara had been right, we'd won but not because of me. In fact, I missed the victory because as Tara caught the Snitch, I was being thrown off by my broom. A Ravenclaw Beater had hit a Bludger towards Tara, seeing as she was about to catch the Snitch, so I made the sacrifice by jumping in front of it. It hit me square in the chest and knocked the wind out of me and all I can really remember besides not being able to breath was the way the air whistled as I fell at such a rapid rate. Lucky for me, some one had placed a slowing charm on me so that when I hit the ground, I didn't sustain any more damage. It was though I was being dumped politely out of a wagon of some sort. But the fact was, that Bludger had fucked me up big time. It had cracked my sternum. It was only a hairline fracture and anything worse could've killed me. It still hurt like a bitch.

"Fucking kill me," I moaned in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey was hovering about, and was panicking which did nothing to soothe me. She had no idea what to use to treat me with. It apparently was a tricky fracture because she was absolutely dumbstruck. There I was, sitting in a hospital bed with my top off and my tits exposed, in pain and the stupid clucking bitch was making me panic. "Can't you give me a painkiller for fucksakes?"

Pomfrey ignored me. "I just don't know! I've never treated a cracked sternum!"

"Then why in the hell are you working here if you can't treat a fucking fracture!"

"I could use Skele-grow but something has to be done about that bruising and I'm not sure the two will mix!" She looked around and then looked back at me. "I need Professor Snape to look at you."

"Fuck. That."

"Do you want to die, Miss Bigsby?"

"No," I grumped. "But there is no way in hell Snape is looking at me!"

Madam Pomfrey left anyway, closing the curtains shut behind her. I struggled to find my shirt, but it was hard to move. I fell back on the bed and covered my chest with my arms. They'd have to kill me before I'd move them. At that moment, Tara stumbled in, all aglow from the victory.

"Oh, Calla, you were brilliant! That Bludger would've pegged me had you not hopped in front of me."

"And now I'm suffering from a cracked fucking sternum and that dumb bitch didn't know how to treat it so she's gone to get Snape!" I was angry. I should've been happy that we'd won the match but I couldn't help but think if we'd lost, I wouldn't be in this situation. I'd rather deal with losing than this. I was used to losing. I wasn't used to any one of the opposite sex looking at my chest. Especially one I fancied that did not reciprocate the feeling. What if him seeing my tits turned him off even more? I didn't really have much time to ponder about it as Pomfrey and Snape soon emerged.

"He's not looking at my chest," I said firmly. Pomfrey rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh and looked at Snape as if to say, "You deal with her."

"Remove your arms so I can examine you, Bigsby," Snape said.

"No."

"Do so now or I will force you to remove them even if that means amputating."

"You can take my arms but you can never take my dignity!" I thought I sounded pretty heroic but my Gryffindor behavior did not sit well with Snape. He looked at Pomfrey.

"Give me something to sedate her with," he said firmly. Now that scared me. I did not like being sedated because it would give him the chance to do what ever the hell he wanted to me and there wouldn't be anything I could do about it. Not that I could anyway, I was pretty much paralyzed. And because I was pretty much paralyzed there was nothing I could do to stop him from holding my nose shut and pouring some foul tasting liquid down my throat. It worked instantly. My whole body fell numb and my arms slid away from my chest like limp noodles. They didn't have the decency to give me something that would knock me out completely so I wouldn't have to suffer.

I thought I saw him smirk slightly when my tits were exposed which excited me and horrified me at the same time. He didn't look disgusted as he turned all business as he ordered Pomfrey about to fetch him this and that. I gave him a goofy sedative induced grin between him administering the potions.

"You like what you see Snape?" I slurred and then giggled. I heard Tara snort beside me. I'd forgotten she was there. What was better was that Snape actually blushed. Before I made the comment, he was purely professional and now he was stuck in an awkward situation just as I was. It served him right. At least I wasn't in pain any more.

Later on that night, after the potions had been doled out, I was told I was stuck in the hospital wing for a night of observation. Luckily, Snape had instructed her on exactly how to treat me and his big thing was that I was given painkillers every few hours until the fracture had mended. I was grateful for that.

Tara showed up a while later and had brought me all sorts of goodies and sweets from the party that the Hufflepuffs were currently throwing. I was grateful she had showed up because I seriously needed to talk to her.

"Tara," I said. She beamed at me. "I'm quitting the team."

"What?" Tara asked. Her face had fallen.

"I was almost killed out there today. Not to mention the other humiliation."

"Your tits aren't bad at all Calla. I'd say they were downright decent and I'm sure Snape thought so too."

"That's not the point. I don't want to play any more."

"Why the hell not?" Tara looked angry now. "We just won and you want to quit? What is your problem?"

"It's not that I don't like Quidditch but I really just don't enjoy it as much as I used to anymore."

"You're the best Beater in the whole school! Not to mention the fact that you're the first female Beater on a Hogwarts team in over fifty years! You can't quit!"

She was right. Quidditch had been extremely fun to start with. I was proud of the fact that I'd made the team as a second year and yes, Tara was right, I was the first female Beater on a Hogwarts Quidditch team in over fifty years. At first I reveled in that fact. I was proud. But that had all worn off now. I was sick of it and me falling off my broom after being pegged by a Bludger was the last straw.

"I'm sorry,Tara," I said weakly.

"If you quit the team, you'll regret it. I will never speak to you again." She was one hundred percent serious. I didn't want to lose her as a friend but at the same time, I had been scared quite well. I didn't want to die and who knew if the next one wouldn't hit me and cause me to break my neck? I couldn't deal with it. Hell, I didn't even like being a Beater because it was such a butch position and I was tired of being butch. For once, I had a reason to want to be dolled up and feminine. Not that I would doll myself up but the least I could do was shed the butch reputation. I just didn't love the sport enough to sacrifice my femininity for it.

"Fine, don't talk to me then," I told her.

Of course Tara did not keep her promise. She did not walk away gracefully without another word. She didn't even storm out. No, Tara screamed at me. She ranted and raved about how the season was blown and how I was a sorry excuse for a teammate and a friend. She would've kept up her tirade til the cows came home but Madam Pomfrey gave her the boot. Even on the way out, she was still screaming and cursing. I sank back into bed feeling like the world's worst person.

The next day I was released and the first place I headed was back to Hufflepuff Den. No one would even look at me. They'd take side long glances and glare that way but everyone pretty much pretended I didn't exist to them. I should've apologized to them, but what was the point? They wouldn't want to hear it. I know I wouldn't have wanted to. So I kept my mouth shut and headed to the dorm and stayed there for the rest of the day.

Now it was official. I was officially friendless, Tara being my closest friend, I had no one to talk to anymore and I wasn't sure Kalinda was the type to buddy up to. Sure, we talked, but right now, she was my last resort before I officially became a pariah. I didn't have Potion's that Monday, but I did have Defense Against the Dark Arts with her but she paid such rapt attention to Professor Bell, it was hard to get a word in with her so I didn't try. I might have been crude and some what lewd, but I was not about to disrespect the girl's wishes to learn as she was one of the few people I actually did respect. So, for the most part I moped around.

After a few days, my resolve had almost broken and I had just nearly gone back to Tara to rejoin the team but by that point, she'd already found someone to replace me. Of course, I was pissed off. How could they replace me? I was the best beater in the school at the moment! But my anger didn't last long because I realized I had quit the team and had I been in Tara's shoes, I probably would've done the same thing. I could understand that I was the reason we won the match and that made me an important asset and with out me, Hufflepuff didn't stand a chance at winning the cup.

The free time gave me time to myself to study, and it also gave me a chance to plot a way to get Snape into my clutches once more. He'd seen my tits and using that logic, I didn't feel bad about trying to pursue him or at least find out what made him tick. When I had time to myself (which was all of the time), he occupied most of my thoughts. What did he like in a girl? Did he even like girls? Did he like tough girls or did he like soft girls who were sensitive and wanted to be dominated? Well, I wasn't about to become submissive, that's just not who I was but at the same time, I considered it a possibility.

**Kalinda**

That weekend, was the first match of the Quidditch season, Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff. As I didn't care for Quidditch, I didn't attend the game. I suppose you can say I was a shitty friend for not attending the game and supporting Calla, being as she is on the Hufflepuff team. However, I couldn't care less for Quidditch and it was really one of the things I was uncompromising about. Hell, I even refused to support my older brother Able who was on a professional Quidditch team, the Falmouth Falcons. Apparently they were a team that appreciated my brother's thirst for blood and violence, of which I didn't approve.

Therefore, I didn't really hear about Calla getting injured during the game until days later. However, I was too caught up in my work, figuring out what was going on with me in regards to Bell and trying to figure out what was going on with Snape to care. In a way, you can say we sort of made up during the weekend in the sense where I kind of spent several hours Sunday night with him. I rarely ever slept over as I had explained to him on many occasions that he wanted me to stay over that I really could not sleep well when sharing the bed with someone else. I don't know what it is about there being someone else on the bed with me, but I just can't sleep. I feel like I stay conscious all night and doze in and out of sleep.

However, I wasn't exactly happy about the situation yet. In fact, you can say it was more of angry sex than at any other point before and I left as soon as we were done. Usually I lay with him and rest a bit with him in bed. However, that night as soon as we had come, I rested all of about five seconds before getting up and getting changed. I think it unnerved Severus a bit, as it wasn't normal of me to do this. He asked me in deadpan what I was doing and I told him that being as it was Sunday and I had to wake up early the next day that I really had to go. Severus seemed to accept this just fine, so I just left.

Things didn't get any better during the week. In fact, I would say things got worse when I went to Potions. At the start of class, Severus had the brilliant idea of moving Calla to the front of the class. I furrowed my brow as I watched Calla gather her things and move to the indicated seat. She didn't seem anymore pleased by this than I was and really I couldn't understand why he was moving Calla to the seat for troublesome kids. If it had anything to do with Calla's behavior, he would have moved her long before now. It was blatantly obvious that he just wanted to separate us and I didn't see the point. Calla had already told me about the kiss, so unless there was more to tell there was no reason for him separating us.

So this would indicate he was lying to me when he said there was nothing going on, wouldn't it? The idea of this pissed me off. I had a hard time keeping form looking up at Severus and glaring at him. I couldn't bring myself to look at Calla either, because it just reminded me of Severus and would only just further piss me off. I mean I really held nothing against Calla, I mean it's not like she knew that I was, in whatever way, seeing Snape. However, being the proud person that I am, I didn't like being played for a fool and Snape was going to hear of it.

I decided to let myself cool off a bit before going to confront Severus. I decided to try and approach him after dinner. "Professor Snape, I need to talk to you," I said as I came up behind him in the hall. Severus only turned his head slightly, however, he did not stop walking down the hall. I had to quicken my pace in order to catch up to him.

"I don't have time to deal with whatever you'd like to complain about _now,_ Miss Allen," Severus said as he stalked into his office, and tried to shut his door. I placed my hand on the door and pushed it back before stubbornly pushing myself into the room after him, causing Severus to sigh in defeat.

"Don't give me that crap, Severus. What are you trying to pull? Why did you move Calla to the seat nearest you?" I demanded angrily. Okay, so apparently a couple hours wasn't enough for me to cool off. Severus turned as he head my tone and raised a brow at me and I immediately felt myself blushing. Shit! When have I ever been this out of control when it came to my emotions. I was vexed that Severus saw it. Apparently, I was too angry and he too surprised for either one of us to notice the fact that we left the door ajar.

"I believe this is the angriest I have ever seen you," he said, almost amused. "It's kind of cute," he went on with a small smirk. I frowned at his use of the word 'cute' and felt my stomach turn itself into a knot as I flushed pleasantly. However, I wasn't going to be distracted.

"Do you think this is a game, Severus? Although I suppose I shouldn't be asking considering you don't take me at all seriously. I'm not sure what gave you this impression, but I'm not a fool and I refuse to allow ANYONE to treat me like one," I said.

"I don't know what you are going on about now, Kalinda, but if you continue acting like a fool then that is the way that I will treat you. I moved Bigsby to the seat nearest to me because that is where I place troublemakers, as you well know and I'm sure you must have realized by now that your so called friend, _is_ a troublemaker," Severus said coldly, his tone full of impatience with the subject.

"You can drop the charade, Severus. _If_ that were really the case, you would have moved Calla to that seat long before now. Its so _obvious_ that you only moved Calla as some lame attempt to keep her from saying anything to me. Clearly you're trying to hide something from me and I've already told you that I refuse to be just one in a string of girls you choose to toy with for your own sick pleasure."

"I don't know how many times, in how many different ways you need for me to tell you this, but I will repeat it again, Kalinda and hopefully it will get through that thick scull of yours. I am _not_ doing anything. I am not _interested_ in Bigsby. I am a one-woman type of man and you are and have been that woman," he said in a low, murderous tone almost seeming to punctuate ever last word and he delivered his speech slowly.

He sounded so sincere. As I looked up into his eyes and studied his young face, I wondered if it were true. However, I wasn't stupid. There was something there. "But there is clearly something there, something happened that you don't want her to tell me about," I persisted, staring up at him.

Severus straightened up, as he previously had put his face into mine while delivering his little speech. For a moment, he looked thoughtful and frowned. "I... its nothing, really. However, I was concerned that if Miss Bigsby told you about it, she'd make it seem worse than it was or embellish on the story. After all, she was heavily sedated at the time," Severus murmured, looking off to the side.

I furrowed my brow at this. "Oh really. Well? What was it that you are trying to keep from me, Severus? If it's really nothing, you should have no problem telling me all about it."

Severus flushed lightly in response and grimaced. "I had to treat Miss Bigsby for the hairline fracture on her sternum. Madame Pomfrey wasn't equipped to deal with it."

For a moment, I frowned, failing to see why he was concerned about me hearing about that. However, after a moment I realized he said fracture on her sternum. That clearly meant that he had to look at Calla's chest. "I see," I said slowly, grimacing while unconsciously crossing my arms over my chest.

I could feel in the back of my mind that awful gnawing of self-consciousness as my eyes lost focus for a moment as I lost myself in thought. Calla was a much curvier girl than I was, granted I was probably considered more feminine. However, I was more than aware that by comparison, my build was... _lacking _in that particular area. For the most part, I had grown to be comfortable with my own attributes and not pay mind to my insecurities, but in moments like these it was difficult.

"It was purely professional," he said sounding a little defensive, suddenly looking at me and narrowing his gaze. "Surely you're not going to hold _that_ against me?" he said scathingly.

I glared at him as I snapped back at attention, uncrossing my arms from across my chest. "I'm not unreasonable, Severus! However, if you say the incident was professional, than I don't see why you were trying to keep it from me. If you were so concerned on how it may appear to me, you could have just spoken to me about it honestly. The actions you took to prevent me from finding out about it completely taint the incident."

"Admittedly my actions were misguided," Severus said slowly. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it after a moment and frowned. "You have to understand... I've never been in any form of relationship, Kalinda. I don't know what I'm doing," he said, blushing at the admission. I felt my anger dissolve into nothing. He seemed so vulnerable and adorable that I just wanted to hug him. I refrained though. Showing affection was a huge no-no for me.

"Just be honest with me Severus. I'd really appreciate that, and we could avoid these little misunderstandings," I said, shaking my head. "And I'd prefer it if you... like someone else if you'd just tell me about it, instead of trying to hide it. I won't take too kindly if you play me for an idiot."

Severus clucked his tongue in response and I'd swear I saw him roll his eyes. "I'll keep that in mind," he said dryly. "Although if I had to be honest, I don't see why you think I'm interested in Bigsby."

I raised a brow at this. "Really? You don't see why I would think that?" I asked sardonically. "Putting your behavior towards her aside, I don't see why you wouldn't be interested in her. Calla is funny, friendly and sweet and you can't deny the fact that she's pretty."

"Is she? I hadn't noticed," he said coldly. "And I find that this conversation is becoming tiresome. I'm done talking about your friend, who I am not moving by the way. I think the girl is rubbing off on you. She's not a good influence on you."

I raised a brow at this. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I was very clear, Kalinda."

"So you think I'm so easily influenced? What I'm going to become a clone of Calla just because I talk to her? And do you think you can control every aspect of my life? Just because you moved Calla to sit near you doesn't mean I'm going to stop talking to her. You are aware that I have other classes with her, aren't you? Classes in which I can easily talk to her?" I said coldly. Just who in the fuck did Severus think he was?

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. "You don't see or hear yourself of late, do you Kalinda? Have you not noticed that you keep picking little fights with me? You are confronting me at all times about little, innocuous things and you really think that Bigsby isn't influencing you in the least?"

"No, frankly I don't. I'm not a doormat, and I won't be treated like one. _That_ is why I keep getting on your case lately. I don't want you to think that for one moment I'm going to be one of those silly little chits that let men do whatever the hell they want to them. If I hadn't done it before, it was because you never gave me a reason to before," I pointed out coldly.

"And I haven't done anything, Kalinda."

"Perhaps not, but you shouldn't have hidden the fact that Calla kissed you from me, or the fact that you had to look at her chest to treat her. The fact that you hid it makes it all so suspicious."

"And I already explained why I didn't tell you and we're done talking about this now. I will be honest from this point forth. You can leave now, I have work to do," Severus said in a vexed tone. I sighed and shook my head. I was fucking tired of this too. It seemed like lately it was the same damn loop playing over and over again.

"Fine, I have work to do too," I said, turning around and walking out of his office, once more not noting that we had left the door open. I was too exhausted. Lately, Severus and I were seeming more and more like a real couple with all the arguments. I felt like I was behaving like a jealous, possessive girlfriend, and I hated it because that wasn't it at all! I simply didn't want to be the stupid little woman that gets cheated on and laughed at! Sighing, I felt I needed a rest. Relationships, even convoluted ones, were utterly exhausting. Hell and this one was supposed to be only sex! I guess there's just no such thing as a simple relationship.

**TBC...**

**Hades'Queen:** Some feedback would be appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

**Calla**

Snape had drastically changed the seating arrangements. He'd completely separated Kalinda from me. Kalinda got to stay in her same spot, but I unfortunately, was moved to the closest seat to Snape, the spot reserved for troublesome students, which, I admit that I was, but he'd never sat me there until now. It was a little unsettling and it seemed to me that he was doing his damned best to keep us as far away from each other as possible and to keep a closer eye on me, as if I'd go spurting off anything else to Kalinda. What more was there to tell? What unnerved me more was that Kalinda refused to look at me in Potions now.

That night, after supper, I went down to the dungeons on a whim. I'm not sure why, but something told me that I should be there because something important was about to happen. I was not disappointed.

I'd seen Kalinda force her way into his office but luckily for me, the door hadn't been shut all the way. And of course, being the nosey person that I am, decided to eavesdrop. I could've shit myself at what I heard. I mean, in the back of my head, since Snape had pulled me aside and chewed my ass for telling Kalinda about the kiss, I suspected but now I had confirmation that there was something going on between the two of them. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or to cry. I wanted to laugh because it was so...absurd but wanted to cry because I clearly wanted him and I'd stupidly told Kalinda that much. She probably hated my guts and saw me as a threat which is why she wouldn't look at me in potions any more. But she had more or less told Snape that I was her friend, which touched me, and would continue to talk to me despite what he thought and what measures he took to try and prevent that.

While this juicy bit of information boggled my mind, I couldn't help but feeling extremely guilty for it. As of right now, Kalinda was really my only friend and I hated to think that I was trying to move in on the man she at least liked. And it was true, I'd caused a fair bit of trouble for their relationship without even realizing what I was doing. I did not like that one bit. I didn't like it when my parents fought and they were two of the most in love people I'd ever met. That sort of thing just bugged me. I'd tried to back off but some mysterious force kept putting me in circumstances that were very compromising, especially on Snape's part. Not that I felt sorry for him or anything.

I still could not deny that I had feelings for Snape. And it seemed the more time passed, the stronger it got. Tara was horribly wrong about it being sexual tension. It was much worse than that. And maybe Kalinda had a point. Perhaps he was somewhat interested in me, if he realized he knew it or not. Had the circumstances been any different, I'd be thrilled but all I could feel at that moment was ashamed and I really didn't have much shame.

I was not mad at Kalinda for not telling me about her and Snape. I don't think I'd want anyone else to know either considering what they had could get them into a serious amount of trouble, regardless if the relationship was sexual or not. But I could not resist the urge to fuck with Snape and in a big way.

I asked him one day after class if it was okay for me to stop by his office after supper so he could have a look at my chest (which was still badly bruised). I could've gone to Pomfrey but he seemed to understand that the old hen had done nothing for me to begin with, so he reluctantly agreed.

Snape did not ask me to remove my robes, thank fuck, because I wasn't planning on it anyway. I sat down in front of his desk and crossed my knees casually and leaned back.

"It still hurts," I said.

"You've made that clear," he said shortly. "But does it hurt to breathe?"

"Not really, no," I replied. "It's just ve-ry tender."

"Do you want a painkiller?" He asked. I thought about it for a second. A painkiller would be nice to have but that wasn't the reason I was there. "Sure, I suppose."

So as he dug around on his shelves, looking for the proper potion, I casually asked, "You fucked Kalinda Allen lately?" He didn't stop what he was doing, but I'm sure he heard me and was just choosing to ignore it. Actually, I did not know what sort of relationship they had but I just assumed it was sexual at least because well, let's face it, he was a young lonely guy and young lonely guys had needs.

Snape handed me a phial filled with a painkilling potion. "This should help, but don't take too much at once unless you want to be a complete vegetable until it wears off."

"Kay," I said. That was my hint to leave but my buttocks remained firmly planted in that chair. "Now before you go off and get all pissy with Kalinda, she wasn't the one who told me. I overheard the two of you talking."

"You're clearly misconstruing what was said," he said quietly, refusing to look at me.

"Let me think," I tapped my chin. "I think I remember you saying something like, 'I am a one woman type of man, and you are and have been that woman.' That's pretty straightforward, me thinks."

"If you must know the truth, Bigsby, yes, Miss Allen and I are something of an item."

"Oh," I said. "For how long?"

"Is that really relevant?"

"No, I suppose it's not. I was just curious, that's all."

"Well, I hope I've satisfied your curiosity, now leave." Snape pointed at the door and I stood.

"Thanks for the potion," I said before I left. "And don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Of course you won't," he said tersely. "I'll kill you if you do."

"Gotcha. Later, Professor."

The other problem was Kalinda herself. I didn't want to be so blunt and straightforward with her being that she was my only friend. But I still needed to hear it from her and I wasn't so sure that would happen with out a little prying.

It was during Herbology, the last class of the term that I actually got a chance to talk to her. Sprout was usually good about lightening the workload right before the Christmas holiday, mainly because it was winter and we were done harvesting things. The heavy stuff would begin when we got back when we were supposed to start planting and seeding things. It didn't matter. It was all cake to me. I loved gardening even if it was for school.

"You going home for the holidays?" I asked Kalinda.

"Yes, I always do," she said. That shouldn't have made me happy but it did for several reasons. I was glad she was going back to see her family and I was glad she'd be gone for all those days because even if I didn't talk to Snape, it would still seem like I had the fucker to myself. "Are you?"

"Nah," I said with a shrug. "My parents got married on Christmas Eve and they like to go somewhere for their anniversary with out me. You know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've actually ever spent a Christmas with my parents. We always did it early."

"Oh," she said. I wasn't sure if she was saying this by way of apology or not. It was kind of hard to read the girl.

"It's alright. That's just the way it's always been. Besides, I might use the opportunity to, I don't know, talk to Snape or something,"I said. Now, this was only partially true. I just wanted to see what sort of reaction I would get out of her considering her relationship with Snape. As much as I just wanted to come right out and say something to her about it, I couldn't bring myself to do it. "Not that I expect much or anything. He doesn't seem to strike me as the type to consort with his students or at least not with me. Though he was nice enough to give me a pain killing potion for my chest the other day."

"Yes, he mentioned something about that. I didn't think you were one of those kinds of girls. Unless you are just trying to bait me, which I don't very much appreciate either. I prefer frankness," Kalinda said in a tone that made my spine go slightly chilly. Plus, it was cold out there in the greenhouse. She still wouldn't look at me. She continued to doodle in her sketchbook, which I suppose was habit for her. She did it quite often, especially when the class work was finished.

"Right," said I. "I suppose that would probably be best. I just didn't want to, you know, be rude about it or anything." I felt bad for a moment and was lost for words. "I guess he told you that I found out about you and him?"

"Yes," Kalinda paused for a moment, seemingly hesitant. I wasn't going to force her to tell me anything she didn't want me to but since I wanted to become a psychiatrist of sorts, I didn't mind listening. Sometimes people just needed to talk. I just looked at her, urging her to continue. I didn't want to seem pushy. "He told me he threatened to kill you if you told. Calla, I wouldn't take that lightly if I were you," Kalinda seemed concerned as she frowned. I feigned a pensive look.

"He did, didn't he?" I said and scratched my chin. "But, I'm perfectly aware what he's capable of and I'm not going to tell a soul. Besides, I'm not really concerned about him, per se. It's you I'm worried about."

"I didn't think you'd tell someone... at least not on purpose. And what do you mean you're worried about me?" Kalinda raised an eyebrow. I felt stupid because I know it was stupid.

"You scare me more than he does. You had him first, and I'm not going to lie. I like him. I like him a lot. I just don't want you to hate me for that." I paused for a moment. "You're a Slytherin and while I trust you, I know there's a reason you were placed there. I may be dumb but I'm not stupid."

Then she smirked at me which gave me a cold chill once more. The girl never smiled. "Very wise of you, Calla. You can't trust anyone. People will always hurt and disappoint you, even without meaning to."

"How very cynical," I pointed out. "But touche, my friend, touche."

"Look Calla, I'm not good with this sentimental, lets share our feelings crap. I care about him more than I'd prefer to say, but I know what I need and what he needs. Believe me, Slytherins really don't belong together, not when they are are as similar in temperaments as we are," she said without a hint of emotion in her voice. "So long as you're honest with me and don't try to pull one over on me, I think we'll be fine." She turned and looked me straight in the eye and what I saw scared me even more. It was a threat of some kind. Kalinda Allen was not the girl to be fucked with.

**Kalinda**

Severus summoned me to his private quarters the following evening and we made nice not long after that last argument. For the first time since my first night back at the castle after the long summer, I decided to spend the night in his rooms. I didn't sleep that well that night, but the discourteous way I had just taken off the last time we slept together, I thought that I should make up for it.

Considering I didn't sleep very much that night, I rose before Severus did. Being as I had Divination first thing in the morning and as I have long hair, I had to get up early to take a shower and get ready. I'm not much of a girly girl, I didn't like bothering too much with my appearance, however, I loathed going out with my hair wet. So after showering I quickly put on my school uniform and started drying my hair. Being as my hair is long and I have quite a bit of it, using charms to dry it takes a while as you can really only do bits of it at a time if you want it to be effective and if you don't want to burn your hair.

I was beginning to brush out my hair, when Severus walked into the washroom to take a shower. "You forgot these," he said with a smirk, dangling from his index finger a lavender piece of cloth. I immediately turned and snatched the garment from his hand and set it on the corner of the sink before turning around to finish brushing my hair. "I still don't see why you simply won't put a cleansing charm on them and put them on. I really don't like it when you don't wear anything underneath your skirt."

"It doesn't feel the same as when they are washed with water and soap to me. I still feel like its unsanitary. Besides, its not like anyone will know. I'm going to be wearing my robe over anyway and being as the castle is so cold this time of the year, there isn't a chance I will take it off. I don't see why it bothers you so much," I replied as I put down the brush and straightened my tie. For a moment, I leaned into the mirror over the sink and closely inspected my face; I traced my fingers over my brows for a moment to make sure all the black hairs that made it up were all going in the same direction.

"You look perfectly fine, don't see why you bother so much, princess," the mirror commented the end sounding quite mocking, making me jump slightly. A pink tinge covered my light brown skin. I always forgot that Snape had a stupid enchanted mirror! I hated the damn thing, it always had comments to make.

Turning around, I found Severus leaning against the wall and watching me with amusement. "I don't see why you've never changed that mirror," I said, shaking my head. He got off the wall and smirked at me as he laid his hand on my waist and pulled me close. I could feel his morning wood press into my lower abdomen as he leaned his head down.

"It has a permanent sticking charm. Besides, I like the way it flusters you. Reminds me of the way you look when we're having sex," he murmured while tracing kisses along my neck. The baritone of his voice made shivers course through me. For a moment, I felt that familiar longing for his love. I felt that if he only loved me, things would have been different. If he felt something at all for me, I thought I would be feeling so confused over this strange feelings rising for Professor Bell.

Pressing my hands against his chest, I pushed him back a little. "We don't have time for this. I have to go and you need to get ready," I said, whirling around once more to grab my knickers. "I'll see you later," I said pecking him on the cheek before walking out of the washroom. I picked my school bag off the floor, which I had brought with me the previous evening and stuffed my kickers at the bottom before sneaking out of his private quarters. The day, like much of the rest of the week was uneventful.

I was actually rather startled when Severus pulled me into his office a few days later. "What?" I asked, startled as I turned to look at him. Severus never wished to speak to me during the day. At least not if it was not school related and considering the fact that he'd closed the door and was seemingly locking it and putting up charms so we would not be overheard, I knew it was not school related.

"Bigsby knows about us," he said stiffly as he turned slowly to look at me. I furrowed my brow in response.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"She came to see me yesterday after dinner because her chest was causing her pain. I gave her pain killers and she tactfully asked me if I fucked you lately. I ignored her and for a moment suspected that you said something to her about us even though that seemed highly unlikely. But she informed me she overheard our argument and she, verbatim, quoted something I said," he said. I felt my stomach churn as I recalled that I hadn't shut the door behind myself and that I was sure Severus hadn't done so either.

"What did you tell her?" I asked, though I was afraid to speak for a moment because I was sure that I would throw up. I didn't exactly like the idea of someone knowing about us. Not because I was afraid of what would happen to us if it got out, though that was a concern, but more because I don't like very many people knowing or being involved with my personal life. Even if I considered them to be friends. Or well, the closest thing I'd have to a friend.

"Lying seemed futile, besides I doubt she will tell anyone about it. However, I threatened to kill her if she did." If it were anyone else who had said that, I would think that they were speaking hyperbolically. However, I've seen his Dark Mark. It was very faded and faint, hardly visible, but I'd seen it. Severus had explained a bit about that part of his past to me, but I really wasn't sure if he was not serious about pulling through on that threat. It was worrisome. Not that I honestly believed that Calla would tell someone... however, Calla could be a bit imprudent at times and ... well I felt that she might let it slip to someone accidentally. Though, I suppose I really didn't have to worry about that happening, as for some reason she didn't seem to really be talking to any of her old friends anymore. I suppose it must have something to do with the fact that she quit the Quidditch team.

"I see," I stated slowly wondering how I was supposed to act around Calla now that she knew. It wasn't in my nature to say anything to her about it, and I certainly didn't feel the need to explain it to her. I mean, I really don't care what people think of me. And its not like she's going to judge me for having a relationship, or whatever you wanted to call it, affair I suppose, with my Professor considering she was into that same Professor and already made a move on him.

However, I didn't exactly want to tip-toe around the subject either. I internally groaned. Calla really seemed to be burrowing into my life and I wasn't sure why that was happening. I hated that things were getting so complicated! "Kalinda, I'd really prefer you wouldn't start talking to her about us simply because she is aware of it. I like my private life remaining private," Severus said coldly.

"Have you forgotten who you are talking to?" I asked, raising a brow. He merely smirked in response.

For the following days, I concentrated on my work considering the end of term was drawing nearer. There really wasn't much of an opportunity to speak to Calla. That is, until Herbology as things tended to be a little slow in the last months of first term. I was sketching some of the plants in the greenhouse in Aandaleeb when Calla started speaking to me. I was a little annoyed when she turned the conversation to Snape.

Considering the fact that she knew about Severus and me, and that she didn't strike me as the home-wrecking type, I figured she had to be fishing for information. I really would have preferred it she had just asked what she wanted to know about. Being a Slytherin and knowing what my housemates were like and having enough to deal with them all, I didn't want to deal with the same shit with other people. I preferred for people to be upfront with me and honest. I don't like going round about things and playing games.

I suppose I could understand that perhaps Calla didn't want to pry, however, if I really didn't want to talk about something, I would simply tell her so and she could then drop the subject. I didn't like for things to be all cloaks and daggers. I found the conversation was slightly uncomfortable and I didn't really like talking about it in the greenhouse where we could be overheard by our fellow classmates, however, there were points I found interesting. I was highly amused by the fact that Calla was frightened of me and I would have laughed if it wouldn't have ruined my reputation for being cold and unfeeling.

However, I think that I may have scared Calla slightly with the last thing I said to her. I came out as a bit of a threat. Really, it wasn't so much of a threat. I mean really, I wouldn't take kindly to being lied to or betrayed. However, by being vengeful and scornful it would be admitting to feeling and... well, I don't like to feel or let on that I do. Besides, I really was of the philosophy of 'live and let live'. The idea of harming someone or ruining their lives simply because they have caused you harm in some way, didn't really sit right with me.

**TBC...**

* * *

**Author's Note: **As always, do us a favor and read and review. There shall be more to come but I have a bit of bad news. This is Eyesuhkattspeleeng, Hades'Queen has given me express permission to update under her account as she has lost her Internet connection. No idea when she will be able to get online and will send me tid bits every so often but after a certain point, this story will probably go under hiatus until she can do that. Good news? Why yes, I do have some of that. The hiatus won't happen for a while. So hopefully she will get her connection back before then and we won't have to worry about it! Gotta find that silver lining, folks.


	5. Chapter 5

**Kalinda**

I wasn't excited about the prospect of going home for the holidays. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. However, sometimes they drove me nuts. Well no, most of the time, that would be why I spend most of my time in my bedroom. However, what was worst was that my brother Abel was coming in from Falmouth to spend the holidays with us and apparently he was bringing one of his many girlfriends.

In the course of my life, my brother has introduced a great deal of women to our family. Actually, if I think about it, my brother is the primary reason why I don't think men are trustworthy and why I try my damnedest not to get involved in the lives of others. I have been pulled into his dramas far too many times in my life to want to try anymore. And most of the girls that he has dated, are really sweet and don't deserve to be treated the way that they are. It's why I stopped associating with them long ago. I'm barely even civil to them. I've gotten close too to many of them to want to continue doing that. Besides, they only seem to last a few months of a time, so what's the point of getting to know someone who will be out of you will probably never see again or want to see again 'cause you are too embarrassed by the way they were treated by one of your own?

However, my mother seemed to have different ideas and in Amaia Mina Allen's home, what she said went. Even my brother, King of assholes, was afraid of my mother. She was really a woman to be reckoned with. "Nice of you to join us, young lady," my mother said as I slumped into a seat at the kitchen table. I was still half-asleep and yawning as I did so while my mother stood making breakfast. My father had clearly already finished eating and was sitting reading the paper. He smiled at me when I sat opposite of him, but I ignored him.

Being that it was the holidays, I didn't particularly care for getting up early. And as much as my family could drive me up the wall, I really did need a break from the school. I needed desperately to get away from Severus, Calla and most of all Professor Bell and just have some damn time to myself where I didn't have to deal with all the complicated feelings that had arisen in September.

Besides, it was also nice to be home and be able to wear muggle clothing once more. In school, being that I am in Slytherin and anything muggle is detestable and grounds for being picked on by fellow housemates, I wasn't allowed to wear anything remotely muggle. Only pajamas and the uniforms we had to wear beneath our school robes were allowed. I was wearing a very comfortable pair of grey, cotton, pajama bottoms with a long-sleeved, black shirt.

"Your brother and his girlfriend are arriving shortly before dinner. I expect you to not just be civil Kalinda, but nice. You understand me? Oh and don't forget to make yourself presentable," I lazily gazed over at my mother. Being as she was such a beautiful woman and always made herself look her best, she expected the same thing from me. It was something that I loathed.

"Why should I bother? It's not like I'm going to have to ever see her again," I replied. My mother's eyes, which were much like my own only seemingly more dark and mysterious due to the fact that she always wore eyeliner and mascara narrowed on me.

"Kalinda Violet Allen," she said, indication that now was not the time to mess with her. "You will be on your very best behavior and dress up, you understand me young lady?" she asked.

I cast a glance at my father, which was utterly useless, honestly. What the hell was he going to do. "Yes, your majesty," I hissed quietly, standing up from the table and heading for the door of the kitchen. I'd lost my appetite. Admittedly, not a hard thing to do as I rarely ever ate breakfast and most of the time I never had an appetite. Eating was a chore. I only did it as it was essential for survival.

"Where are you going? Aren't you going to eat breakfast?" my mother called after me.

"No," I called back as I walked down the hall before turning and heading up the stairs. We lived in a very decent house in London. Two stories. We had a spacious kitchen and sitting room on the first floor alone and a coat closet in the entrance hall and a single washroom by the kitchen. The upstairs was composed of three bedrooms. My parents had the master bedroom with its own bathroom and my brother and I each had our own rooms, though we had to share a bathroom which was half-way between our two rooms. Although, when my brother moved out six years ago, soon after he left Hogwarts and was recruited by the Falmouth Falcons, his room had been turned into a guest room.

My room was at the far end of the hall, furthest from the staircase. Its walls were all lilac and apart from some book cases, a nightstand and my bed, there wasn't any furniture in the room. All of my clothes were hung in a big closet, on the door of which hung a full-length mirror. Like my mother, I had developed an obsession with shoes, all of which were organized at the bottom of my closet and of which I really only wore a fair few of them. My bed was placed against one of the corners of the room, and my nightstand was on the right of it. The bookcases, were up against all the walls of the room which were not taken up by my bed, nightstand and closet.

Soon as I walked into my room, I closed the door behind myself and threw myself on my bed, which I had really missed. Perhaps, my bed was one of the things I missed most about being home. It was huge and had a dark purple, goose down comforter with matching pillows. My bed was really like sleeping on a cloud.

I'm not sure how long I was laying there, face down, merely revelling in the soft feel of my bed, when I heard a door open and close and some commotion downstairs. Furrowing my brow, I lifted my head from where it previously had been buried in my pillow and listened hard. Considering I was so far from the front door, I could hardly hear anything. However, I could hear my brother clearly enough. You see Abel, is a very loud person. Even when speaking normally with someone, his voice seemed to be able to carry all through the household. It was really rather annoying.

I rolled my eyes at this. Trust Abel to never fucking come when expected. He was always either late, or inconveniently early. Groaning, I walked over to my bedroom door and locked it. I suppose I had no choice but to get ready. Walking over to my closet, which is a walk-in, I spent the next fifteen minutes agonizing on what would be appropriate to wear and whether or not my mother would approve of it. When I was done and dressed, I stood gazing at myself in the mirror wondering what I should do with my hair. My mother really doesn't approve of it being loose, at least, she doesn't like it getting in my face.

However, being as I was already wearing white leggings which tucked into knee high boots along with a black turtleneck that the bottom of which covered my ass and a bit of my upper thigh, I figured I didn't have to do much with my hair and merely tied it up in a ponytail. I then proceeded to put on eyeliner a bit of mascara and some lip-gloss.

I sighed, time to get this over with, I thought as I made my way out of my room. I supposed at least, I would get the chance to see my brother. Even though most of the time he grated on my nerves, I did still love him and I hadn't seen him in over a year now. I was just reaching the stairs when he appeared, carrying what appeared to be his and his girls luggage, which he immediately dropped at the sight of me.

Like me and mum, Abel had dark straight hair, which he usually combed back. However, Abel had inherited Dad's blue eyes. However, my fathers eyes were warm, and Abel's were a little colder. As for his skin, it was fair like dads. "My Vi! You look beautiful," he said with a grin coming over his handsome features. You have to give it to him, my brother really was good-looking and damned fucking talented. He was tall and really quite muscular. I suppose that was the reason he was such a cocky bastard.

"GET OFF ME!" I gasped as he took me in his big arms and crushed me in a bear hug while simultaneously picking me off the floor. The jerk really was a brute!

"Oh come on baby-sis! I've just missed you," he said as he set me down and patted my head like I was a child. I merely glared up at him. I suppose to him and my dad, I would always just be the baby girl. I loathed it. "How's school been?" he asked, raising one of his dark brows and wagging it at me, giving me a knowing look.

I furrowed my brows at him wondering what that was supposed to mean. "Just fine," I replied tartly.

"Right. Well you should head down and meet Amelia. I'll catch up with you all in a few," he said with a grin before turning and grabbing their things and heading into what used to be his room. I merely shook my head as I continued on my way down the stairs and headed into the living room, which is where I imagined everyone would be.

"Ah, I was wondering when you would join us. Amelia, this is my youngest and only girl, Kalinda. Kalinda, this is Amelia, your brother's girlfriend," my mother said, by way of introducing us as I walked over to where they stood before the fire. Mom and dad where a united front, standing before a brunette woman who, with the boots I wore, was the same height as me.

Amelia turned around and my eyes widened in shock as they drank in the familiar face and magnificent blue eyes. "Professor Bell?" I choked out. She didn't seem as surprised to see me and once the shock of it wore away I started to feel incredibly stupid. Had she been dating my brother this whole time? Was that the reason she'd noticed me? Was he the reason that she treated me like I was something special?

"Hello Kali," she smiled as she blushed. My mother furrowed her brow as she looked between the two of us.

"So you teach at Kali's school?" My mother said, in mild interest and with a smile towards my teacher.

"Yes, she's a very bright girl. And I can see where your daughter gets her looks from, she looks just like you Mrs. Allen," Professor Bell said with a smile to my mother. I raised a brow at this, feeling sicker by the moment. Though she sounded sincere and I doubted she could be anything but, I took that as just flattering bull. My mother was a breath-taking, exotically beautiful woman and despite having two children managed to maintain a fantastic figure. I, apart from my eyes and hair and skin tone, really looked nothing like her. In fact, my slim build, was more from my father who was quite a slim man himself. In fact, Abel had more of my mother's sharp features. Though his were decidedly broader and more masculine.

Before anything more was said, Abel bounded into the room, full of energy and life as he always obnoxiously was. "What have I missed?" he asked as he strode up beside Professor Bell and placed a hand on her waist. This made me nauseous and I suddenly recalled my brothers ways and knew that this was not going to end well between them and that I would be caught in the crossfires.

I felt even more sick with this realization. "Well now that the meet and greet is over, I'm going back to my room," I announced, suddenly turning and heading towards the door.

"Kalinda-" my mother called out, however I merely raised my hand and continued walking out of the room and down the hall. These holidays had just turned into the holidays from hell.

Dinner was an awkward affair, at least for me. I merely picked at my food and became increasingly annoyed as Abel monopolized the conversation. Being as the kitchen table was round and both couples were sitting together, I got stuck sitting with Professor Bell on my right and my dad on my left. I could feel him eyeing me as I angrily poked my fork into the meat over, and over, and over. What made it really so much worse was that Abel was talking about how he and Professor Bell had met. Apparently she used to live in Falmouth, where the team he plays for is from and that they happened to run into each other once.

I'm not sure how they managed to maintain their relationship since she started working at Hogwarts, however, I supposed that the fact that their relationship was so long distance, that things were easier for Abel and it was the reason that he'd kept her around. Being with a woman who was away most of the time really suited him. It meant that he could mess around all he wanted without having to be concerned about getting caught.

"You know he used to talk a lot about you, Kali, since when we met I had just got word back that I was hired to teach at Hogwarts. It's all we talked about on our first meeting," Professor Bell said to me. She sounded a bit nervous, and I had a feeling it was my cold behavior towards her as I tended to be very nice to her.

I wasn't sure if she meant for me to be flattered by the comment, but it only served to piss me off more. It came off like my brother used me to get close to her. And I didn't like the idea of him talking about me to random people. What annoyed me most, was the fact that she knew intimate details about me long before she started teaching and had never mentioned the fact that she knew my brother before. It just seemed to taint everything she'd ever said that was nice to me in the last few months and I felt immensely disappointed and hurt, which only served to intensify the anger that I felt.

"Fascinating," I replied in deadpan. I couldn't bring myself to be outright rude, despite how pissed off I was. After all, she was my Professor and after the holidays were over, I would still have to deal with her for the remainder of the year. "Excuse me, but I'm really tired and don't really want to eat anymore," I said, suddenly getting up and leaving.

That night, I couldn't sleep. I merely lay in bed, my fingers absentmindedly traced the contours of my hip bones while I stared up at the ceiling wondering how it was possible for my life to have gotten so damned fucked up. The following days I spent much of my time in my room, sleeping in late and taking my lunch in my room. My family didn't think much of it, as really this wasn't very odd behavior on my part. The only time I really spent around my family was during dinner, and I couldn't bring myself to eat very much at that time, or during lunch either for that matter. Professor Bell tried to engage me in conversation, but all her attempts were met with monosyllabic responses.

On Christmas, I had to dress up to please my mother and the day seemed to drag rather painfully. By this time, I felt like I was losing my mind and was ready to snap. Even my fathers presents, a new set of quills and ink, did nothing to cheer me up. My mother's present, which was new dresses only served to vex me further. And being as the gift my brother gave me, which was probably chosen by Professor Bell in the first place, only made matters worse. I felt a little guilty for my treatment of her, being as her gift was really so lovely. It was a brand new sketchbook, with a brown, leather cover with intricate designs.

Before I realized what I was doing, I'd already named it. Pandora, the first of all my sketchbooks to receive a female name and the realization of what I did made me boil. When I got up to my room, I furiously flung the book against the wall and then crawled into bed, furious at my growing lack of control over what I was feeling. Laying down face first once more on my bed, I shut my eyes tight and willed myself to become numb once more before I utterly fucking lost it.

**Calla**

Christmas Holidays weren't ever exceptionally exciting. It was mostly quiet and I sort of preferred it that way. It gave me time to think and to study. It also gave me time to be lazy. I never generally woke up before eleven o'clock in the morning during the Holiday. Normally, everyone was gone and this year was no exception but even if everyone had stayed, it wouldn't have made a difference. It had been a month and still no one in Hufflepuff was speaking to me other than to ask me simple favors. Tara just flat out pretended I didn't exist and if on a rare occasion she did come into direct contact with me, she spoke to me stiffly and looked at me as though I were a pile of shit she'd just stepped in. Had I been the confrontational sort, I would've said something to her about how immature she was acting but I thought it best just to leave her alone because if she was going to be like that, she wasn't really worth my time nor was she worth the effort.

But this Holiday was different. There was someone I really wanted to see and be with because as much as I hated to admit it, I was lonely. I was a loner by nature but that didn't mean I didn't enjoy company every once in awhile. Really, I just wanted to see Snape and it was the perfect time to do so without upsetting Kalinda. I didn't know what to make of her veiled threat and I wasn't sure what she meant. Hell, I wasn't sure how she felt about Snape because she sort of made it sound like it wasn't so much of a romantic relationship as it was sexual. But she still had to care for him in that way. And as selfish as it sounded, I think I cared for him a lot more than she did in that way.

I waited until Christmas night to go see him. The presents had been dealt (I'd received nothing, as per usual, which always put me in a horrid mood for at least a few hours. The feast was what I really looked forward to anyway) and a lot of food had been consumed and I will admit that I even had a little eggnog. I don't normally drink but 'tis the season and all of that right? Plus I needed some sort of courage to go talk to him.

I spent a good half hour in front of the mirror preparing myself. Normally, I didn't go out of my way to look good and just went with what was comfortable as I found that trying to look my best just made me more self conscious than what I already was but I really needed the time to prepare myself to what to say to him. I'd thrown on a rather festive long tube top and had thrown a jumper over it. It showed off my cleavage nicely, I thought. Not too slutty but not too modest. I'd spent most of my Hogwarts years with no tits to speak of until sixth year they'd suddenly decided to blossom and by now they at least looked semi fully developed. Underneath the tube top, I'd pulled on a pair of plain black leggings. I brushed my hair completely straight so that it went way past my shoulders and then spiral curled the ends. I'd put on make up, though nothing remotely showy, just neutral colors to accentuate my deep brown skin tones. After applying and re-applying eyeliner for the sixth time, I decided it was probably best to head down there because it wouldn't get any better than that. And over all, I was pleased with how nice I cleaned up. My dorm mates were always constantly on my case about dressing up and putting on a little make up every once in awhile, but for the most part I ignored them. I never really had any reason to do so before now.

I padded down the corridors in socked feet (I hated shoes and did not wear them when I could get away with it) and down to the dungeons with a bottle clenched in my hand. Before I gave myself time to chicken out, I knocked loud and hard on Snape's office door. It took him all but three seconds to answer the door and then scowl deeply.

"What?" Snape asked, annoyed. My spirits fell slightly. Rude bastard.

"I just dropped by to wish you a merry Christmas and to give you my gift," I said in a defensive tone. "Can I come in?"

I thought for sure he'd say no, and I'm pretty sure he was thinking that but had a change of heart as he held open the door for me. It was absolutely cold down there and I regretted not wearing a bra because I'm sure my nipples were sticking out a mile.

I handed him the bottle and he took it, examining it with a critical eye.

"My parents went to Mexico for their anniversary and sent me some imported tequila to give to the professors."

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Your parents trust you with liquor?"

I shrugged. "I'm not a fan of tequila and they know it. And judging by my mum's nearly incomprehensible scrawl on the note she sent with the case, I'd say it's quality."

"I'm sure. The others were going on about it. They were pleased. I wasn't sure if I'd receive one or not."

"You are a professor," I pointed out. "I just wanted to give it to you personally, that's all."

"And I suppose you want to break it open now?"

"Not a fan of tequila. If you want to you can." I gave him a half smile. "I've already had more eggnog than I probably should've anyway."

"Is that why you're shoeless?"

I looked down at my lime green socks and then looked back up at him. "I just don't like wearing shoes."

He summoned a shot glass from what I assumed was his private sleeping quarters, poured himself a shot and proceeded to down in without so much as a grimace. I could smell it from where I was standing and it was making me slightly uneasy. He then poured himself another shot. He smacked his lips slightly.

"You're right. It is quality. Are you sure you don't want a shot?"

"No, thank you," I said. He screwed the cap back on and placed the bottle and shot glass on the desk. "I actually came here to talk to you."

Snape sat down in an armchair in front of the fire and I sat down on the couch opposite of him and tucked my legs under my knees casually.

"I should've figured," he said dully. "Well, get on with it."

I took a deep breath. I'd been practicing what I'd say for at least two days and now that the moment had arrived, all of it went out the window. "I just wanted to clear the air, that's all." He just looked at me intently as though he were trying to figure me out and to try and guess my next words. "I know we haven't exactly gotten along in the past..."

"That's an understatement if I ever heard one," he said with a snort. Apparently the tequila had loosened him up some which was good. "You've never liked me and I can't say that you're my favorite student."

"But I'm not your worst," I said, hopefully.

"No, I suppose not. You're actually exceptional at potions when you find the time to actually pay attention."

"Right well, that's all fine and dandy but I don't want to talk school work." I took a deep breath. "I want you to know that you have nothing to worry about. I won't say anything to anyone about you and Kalinda Allen."

"I know you won't," he said. "I told you I'd kill you if you did."

"And I don't doubt you one bit. I also wanted you to know that I'm not doing so for your benefit. I'm doing it for Kalinda's sake."

"How noble of you," Snape said dryly, which just annoyed me.

"And I wanted to tell you that I like you. I like you a lot in fact and I'm not sure why I do."

"Because you're demented, that's why." I chose to ignore this because he was pretty tipsy.

"I think you like me too, whether you realize it or not," I said in a near whisper. He suddenly looked very, very sober.

"Now you're just being delusional."

I suddenly felt very self conscious and foolish because maybe I was wrong. But something told me I wasn't. I could tell by the way he was looking at me now. He was flustered slightly and wouldn't look me in eye. His eyes traveled down to my legs and then up to my chest, which I didn't even bother covering up. He'd seen it before but this time I think he was considering me as something other than just another nuisance student. I just sat there, unaware of what to think or do, but I had to admit that it was turning me on in a way that it shouldn't have.

"You can't sit there and tell me you've never considered me in that way before," I said with a hint of a smile. I wanted to laugh.

"I stand by what I told Kalinda. I'm a one woman type of man," he said.

"Oh, you can spout off that crap to Kalinda but I don't believe it for one second, Snape."

"What exactly is it that you want from me, Bigsby?" He looked suspicious and uncertain, perhaps even a bit scared.

"I don't want anything from you other than the truth."

"The truth is you drive me mad. You annoy me and to be quite honest, if I knew you elsewhere, I'd probably have you murdered for the way you've treated me in the past."

"Fair enough," I said. "But I think there's another side to that coin."

For the longest time, he just stared at me with those cold black eyes. I just sat there, my back rigid as I waited for his response. I didn't think he'd flat out lie to me when presented with such a blunt question. He'd answered me truthfully about Kalinda but this wasn't about her, not really anyway.

"You intrigue me," Snape said finally. "I suppose that could be construed as interest."

"I think it's more than intrigue." I pointed out to him. "You wouldn't have been so keen to keep seeing my chest away from Kalinda."

"It was hardly any of her business."

"Yet, you did your best to separate us so I wouldn't say anything to her about it."

"I'm sure you're aware of the sort of relationship I maintain with Kalinda. It's purely physical. There's no emotional connection."

"How can you say that?" I asked. "She obviously cares for you or else she wouldn't get angry at you. The poor girl probably is starved for romantic interest from you."

"You don't have the slightest," Snape said with a slight sneer. "You don't know the first thing about what goes on between us. I doubt you've ever had any sort of relationship in your life."

"No," I said, a bit stung. "You're right. I've never been interested in any one until now."

It was quiet for a moment and he seemed to understand that he'd hurt my feelings a bit, which was strange because he never had a problem with doing it before. But I guess it was awkward. I've never been in a relationship, that was true, but that doesn't mean I didn't understand the fundamentals.

"Is that why you came down here, Bigsby? To talk to me about Kalinda Allen? Or was there some other pressing matter you wish to discuss?"

"No."I said. "I just wanted to let you know that I do really, really like you and that if things don't work about between you and...well, if things go south, I'm here."

I looked down at the ground and bit my lip. There was so much more I could've said, that I wanted to say and that I probably should've said. But I figured it was far too late and it probably wasn't anything he wanted to hear any way.

I heard him sigh and then stand. The next thing I knew, he was standing above me holding his hand out for me to take. I just looked at it as though it were poisonous but he cleared his throat impatiently, so I took it. And then I was in his arms and he was kissing me, like I'd never been kissed before. It felt as though my brain was melting with shock. I had not expected that at all. The only thing that really kept me glued to reality was the taste of tequila on him. Suddenly, tequila didn't seem that awful to me any more. Years later, the scent of tequila would bring me back to that single moment when everything changed for me. All I could do was sigh into his mouth.

When I felt as though all the air had been pumped from the room, I pulled away slowly, still feeling hazy and confused.

"You don't think I'm disgusting?" I asked.

"No," Snape said. "I don't."

"Well, that's a relief."

I'd never felt so warm and wanted in my life. It was a far cry from the first time that had happened which had brought me nothing but misery but even so, the reality began to sink in and I frowned. I touched my mouth, now horrified.

"What?" Snape asked, clearly annoyed. I closed my eyes and sank down into a chair.

"Kalinda," I muttered.

"What about her?"

That sent my mind reeling with all sorts of horrible thoughts. I could only imagine what Kalinda would do if she found out what had just happened. He was sort of off the hook for the first time around as I had sprung that on him without any warning what-so-ever and had in no way wanted it and had in every way made that abundantly clear. But this time, he'd kissed me, not the other way around.

It wasn't that Kalinda and I were the best of friends or anything like that but the fact that I did feel somewhat loyal towards her for being my friend in the first place that made me feel horribly guilty. When no one in my own house would talk to me, she would, which said a lot coming from a Slytherin. No other Slytherin would so willingly associate themselves with a Hufflepuff like me.

"It's not that I didn't enjoy that, in fact, I'd very much like to do it again but it's wrong..." I babbled. "I mean you're with Kalinda...and she's my friend. I'm dying of guilt just thinking about her sitting at home with her family completely oblivious..."

"You're not making any sense, Miss Bigsby," Snape said.

"I think I should go," I said, my voice high pitched. It felt as though my vocal chords were being pulled taut, almost to their limits and some one with hideously long finger nails were plucking them like a demented instrument. I stood abruptly but started towards the door. But Snape grabbed me and whirled me back around to face him.

"Stay," he said quietly. He stroked my face with a finger in something of an affectionate display. His face was hard to read, but I could've died right then and there. There was something reassuring in his eyes. "We'll worry about Kalinda later."

As easy as he may have thought that should've been, it wasn't. Though neither of my parents were deeply religious, my mother and father both had come from Irish-Catholic homes and had passed on the deep rooted guilt that came along with the upbringing.

"Well, it is Christmas after all," I reasoned with myself, as if that had anything to do with anything. Snape gave me a crooked half smile and brought his mouth to mine once more.

Things began to pick up at a rapid rate. His kiss gradually became more predatory rather than the hopeful, apprehensive kisses I'd received before. My mum loved those grotty little romance novels and out of sheer boredom fueled by developing hormones, I'd read a bit into them myself, but mainly only the dirty parts. In every single one of them, the hero always kisses the heroine hungrily, a description that was always off putting to me because I always imagined the man trying to devour the lower half of the woman's face. I never really read into the urgency that it was supposed to mean, but now I understood fully. While I'm sure that from the outside looking in, it did seem like Snape was in fact trying to ingest my mouth and chin, I didn't really mind all that much. His hands were all over me and as cliched as it probably sounds, it electrified me.

I hadn't noticed that Snape had freed his hands away from me long enough to wave his wand and conjure a bunch of pillows and blankets as well as light a fire. I hardly had time to react as he pulled me down on top of the bed of pillows and quilts. As hard as the floor was underneath us, I hardly noticed, even when he had pinned me down with his body. I went rigid as his hands moved down to my breasts. Sure, he'd seen them before but that didn't make things any less uncomfortable. That and the fact that he was sporting a massive woody and was currently grinding it into me as though I wasn't already aware of it.

"Stop," I said and sat up. I hadn't realized that my shirt had slid down and that I was exposing myself. I'm not sure if all that jumbling about had caused it to slide down or if Snape had done it. I guess it wasn't really all that important but I was sort of mortified. I quickly pulled my shirt back up and once the twins were put away and secured, I looked up at him. His hair was a mess as he was flushed and sweaty. All in all, he'd never been more attractive to me more than he did at that moment.

"I don't understand," he said. "Am I doing something wrong? You seemed like you were enjoying yourself."

"No, no," I said and shook my head. "It's just...I'm a wee bit uncomfortable...because..." Admitting that I was a virgin was not easy for some reason. It honestly seemed that he expected to be a lot more experienced than what I actually was. "I've never actually..."

"I think I understand," said Snape. I nodded my head to confirm that yes, it was what he was thinking. He sighed slightly. Thankfully he wasn't angry with me, which I fully expected him to be. "You should've said something. I wouldn't have gone so far so fast."

"That's nice to know but I didn't really have much of a chance," I said and scowled slightly.

"I just assumed that..."

"That I'm a big whore?" I teased. He looked slightly horrified.

"That's not what I meant at all and you know it," Snape said.

"In case you haven't noticed, the boys aren't exactly lining up to be with me," I said matter-o-factly. "I'm not a prude, I just have never...well, you know."

He arched a brow. "You don't have to explain yourself, Bigsby. I know full well you aren't a prude."

It was all I could do to keep from crying. I let out a huge sigh and laid back down. Tears prickled at the corners of my eyes but I remained steadfast in my refusal to let them fall.

"I'm not completely adverse to the idea," I said with a slight sniffle.

"I'm not going to force you into something you don't want to do," Snape said. "You are still a student after all. The last thing I need is for you to go running to the Headmaster, telling him I'd forced myself on you."

"Is that the only thing keeping you a gentleman? And there I thought you respected me."

He snorted and I couldn't help it. I had to laugh. I'm not sure why that didn't piss me off like it should have but then again, I'm not a normal girl by any circumstance. Part of me realized that it was that prickly, tart sense of humor of his that attracted me to begin with. Sure, his biting remarks did sting but I enjoyed it at the same time too for some really fucked up reason.

"Besides, what makes you think I'd sleep with you after all the shit you've put me through since you started teaching?" I asked.

"To be fair, you fueled the fire. I'm not the only person to blame here."

"Yes, but you've never liked me," I argued.

"I think I just proved that I had the opposite feelings just a few moments ago," he said as he slid in under a blanket beside me. It felt nice when he curled an arm around me and pulled me closer to him. I suddenly felt sleepy and euphoric, as though I'd smoked a bunch of marijuana, only it was about a squillion times better. But as my eyes drooped shut, I remembered Kalinda. I felt a horrible sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach. I was angry with myself and angry with Snape for betraying her like we were on two different levels.

"Professor?" I asked meekly. I could tell by his deep breathing that he was just about to doze off completely. He stirred slightly at the sound of my voice. "I'm not sure I can do this."

"Do what?" He muttered sleepily.

"Carry on with you," I replied.

"I told you not to worry about it for right now. I just want to enjoy myself for the time being."

"As lovely as that would be, I can't." I felt myself start to tremble and then I found myself crying, though I wasn't sure why. I expected Snape to get irritated and to snap at me but he didn't say a word. He stroked the hair behind my ear and planted light kisses on my jaw line. That only made me cry more. I longed for the days when things were uncomplicated and I hated him. Not even an hour ago, things seemed a lot more simpler. But now, we had gotten ourselves into one huge fucking mess.

**TBC...**

* * *

**Author's Note: **Again, it's me, Eyesuhkattspeleeng (although, I'll probably just refer to myself by my given first name, Kari, from now on. Make a note), updating. Hades'Queen still doesn't have internet access but hopefully will soon. She just had a birthday yesterday and even though I texted her and told her, I'm saying it here again. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU.

Sorry if this chapter seems obscenely long. I'm the one that put it together and I have a habit of making shit really long. We write all of this on Google Drive because it's easier to share that way and when we write each other's characters we can do it in real time and not sit there and copy and paste a bunch of writing back and forth. But long story short, we have all of this broken down into parts and most of mine are always at least five times longer than hers. I have yet to decide if it annoys her or not but she has to tell me to make new parts.

I've said this before, we've been working for a little over two years on this. This story saw me through my pregnancy and through my first couple years of motherhood and it means a lot to both of us. Since we worked so hard and so long on this, perhaps you guys could do us a solid and review. For those of you who have reviewed, thank you SO much and please continue to keep reviewing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Kalinda**

I was counting down the days until the stupid holidays were over. At least being at school, the only time I'd have to see Bell was when I was in her class. And I wouldn't have to continue running into her in affectionate stances with my brother. They made me want to projectile vomit. However, at least Professor Bell had the decency to be embarrassed whenever I caught them at it, but that didn't make things any better.

Things finally got out of hand on New Years Eve. In the morning I was simply laying in bed, preparing for another day of completely avoiding my family and our guest, of which there would be several more as family was coming in to celebrate, when I heard someone knock on my door. I sighed and called on whoever it was to come in as I slowly sat up on my bed. I was startled and annoyed when I saw Professor Bell walk into my room and smile nervously at me. I was further vexed and flushed angrily at the fact that my heart started pounding excitedly while butterflies arose in my stomach. I couldn't believe I still felt something for her despite the fact that she had been deceiving me!

"Your mother asked me to come get you. She says she'd like you to help us in the kitchen today," Professor Bell said with a smile at me. I honestly thought my mother had lost her freaking mind. She knew how much I abhorred helping out in the kitchen or doing any sort of chores. She'd never managed to get me to help, what did she think had changed now? I mean, it wasn't the first time that family were coming over. She'd managed admirably without my help in the past, I was sure she could do the same today.

"I was about to start on my homework. I actually have a lot and I haven't done any of it yet and I don't want to leave it last minute," I said coldly, as I rolled off my bed and gave my back to her. The truth was, I had already finished all my homework quite early on. Being as I had spent so much time in my room, and as you can only read and draw for a certain amount of hours at a time, I thought I'd do something useful with my time. Therefore, my homework had been completed days ago. Even before Christmas. However, I thought that was the least rude thing I could say to get her to leave.

For a moment, I thought it had worked as I pretended to look for something on a bookcase, as I heard the door of my room close. I was about to sigh in relief and return to laying on my bed when I suddenly heard her voice and it sent a shiver up my spine. I was shocked, as I thought she had left. "Kali, does my presence in your home make you uncomfortable?" she asked, causing me to whirl around. I couldn't believe she was still in my room, much less that she had asked me.

However, considering the fact that she noticed, I didn't want to lie. "Uncomfortable doesn't begin to cover it," I said as I crossed my arms over my chest and eyed her coldly. She seemed shocked by this response, and I no longer cared if she thought I was a bitch or being rude, or what she could possibly do to me once we returned to school. "To be honest, I resent you never informing me of the fact that you were acquainted with my brother and I feel as though the only reason you have been kind to me is because you're trying to gain points with the family of your boyfriend," I said. There was more I would have liked to say, about her relationship with my brother, things I thought she should know, however, it was my brother. I couldn't bring myself to ruin his relationship, even though I knew it might spare her a lot of pain in the future.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, its just the relationship was new and I wasn't sure it would last long and I didn't want to put you in an awkward position by informing you of it in case it didn't," she said with a frown. This really didn't abate my anger. "Although, I've never lied to you. I really think you are a special girl Kalinda, and my noticing you had nothing to do with your brother. I mean yes I was curious about the girl he was related to and spoke so fondly of, but that's not the reason I wanted to be acquainted with you."

That, unfortunately, kind of did. My anger melted away and gnawing guilt set in. "If you would like for me to leave-"

"Professor Bell, that won't be necessary," I said, and her smile suddenly brightened and lit up her face. I frowned at this, knowing that despite what I saw, things still couldn't go back to how they had been. "But I still think it would be for the best if you kept your distance. For the time being, you are still my Professor and I think its best lines don't become blurred between personal and professional, at least not while I remain your student," I went on.

I had already made that mistake before and it seemed unwise to repeat it, even if our relationship was nothing but platonic. And even if there was a chance for something more, which I highly doubted seeing as she seemed completely straight and I wasn't even sure what I felt, the fact remained that she was my brother's girl.

"I understand, Kali," she said, nodding slightly before turning and hastily exiting.

The following couple hours really seemed to speed by as I was not looking up to having to dress up and deal with my family. My father has an older brother, Uncle Richard, who was oddly enough also a muggle-born wizard and he has a daughter, Elizabeth, who is two years younger than I am. She and I don't get along, to say the least, and it's a good thing we are in different years and houses or else we would probably gouged each other's eyes out. Coincidentally, she's a Gryffindor; enough said.

My father's parents are dead and he has no other relatives he's particularly close to. As for my mother, her parents died before I ever met them and I really don't know much about them as I never asked about them. However, my mother has three siblings, an older brother and sister and then a younger sister.

Her brother, Uncle Amir, is the oldest and has been married four times already and has had no children, something he's not happy about. He blames it on his wives and divorces them after a year if they don't produce him an heir. Why can the man do this? Other than the fact that he is devastatingly good-looking despite the fact that he is growing in grey hair into his raven colored hair, he is also filthy rich. However, the one good thing about the fact that he is probably sterile is that he dotes on his nieces and nephews, most especially his nieces as he apparently wants a baby girl. He says he wants a girl so he can treat her like a princess and spoil her rotten.

My mother's eldest sister Farrah, has seven children. Her eldest is Naveed, who is four years older than Able and is married and about to have his first child, of gender yet unknown. Darius is the second, two years older than Able and currently engaged. Cyrus is Able's age and rumor has it he has three illegitimate daughters, all of whom he's not allowed to see by their respective mothers. Next are Rashaun, Parvais and Xerxes, all of whom were born two years apart. And last, but not least is Kyra, the only girl in the lot and was born only a year or so after Xerxes.

Aunt Farrah, due to having so many children, is no longer a very thin woman. However, she has an amazing amount of energy. I mean she had to, to have had so many children. However, Aunt Farrah has always been the most nurturing and loving of women, not to say she can't be strict and hard-handed as well. Mother says Aunt Farrah didn't set out to have so many children, however, mother says that Aunt Farrah always used to say that she would only stop procreating until she had a girl. I suppose she's lucky she had Kyra when she did, otherwise who knows how many children she would have had.

Keiki, is the only one of my mother's siblings who is younger than she is. Like my mother, Aunt Keiki is stunning and equally vain as she is, however, Aunt Keiki is considered the far more selfish one. Once Keiki married, she refused to procreate for years. In fact she was married for nearly a decade when she finally decided to have a child and the only reason she finally caved was because she thought she was going to lose her rich, French husband. Aunt Keiki only had one child, a boy named Fabrice who is also about my age. He is insufferably conceited and can understand and speak Enligsh fluently enough, but pretends that he doesn't speak a word of English so he won't have to socialize. How do I know this, because I caught him speaking in English to Aunt Keiki on one occasion years ago. In exchange for my continuous silence, he must do whatever I wish whenever I ask.

The gathering of so many family members typically makes my head spin and I'm glad that on a good year, it only occurs on New Years being as my family is so wide spread. Uncle Amir likes to travel a lot and has homes in India, Egypt, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Jamaica, and even one in Hawaii. Aunt Farrah along with most of her children live in India. Aunt Keiki lives in France with her husband. Uncle Richard lives in Carlisle very near the border of Scotland, whereas we live in London. The only family member I see most often is my cousin Elizabeth and being as I avoid her like the plague and Hogwarts is quite big, I hardly even see much of her. Able, Elizabeth and I are the only ones that attended Hogwarts other than our fathers of course. Fabrice I think is in his final year at Beauxbaton. All of Farrah's children went to a wizarding school near Agra.

I decided to wear a pretty plain, but still elegant, silver dress with matching flats. I had only put on a light bit of make up as I had on Christmas, before heading down the stairs and into the kitchen. I wasn't surprised to see that though it was early, that Aunt Farrah had already arrived. She always did arrive early to whoever was hosting the New Year's party to help out with the meal. When she saw me she smiled and engulfed me in a tight hug.

Her long, black, curly hair was thick and tickled my face. She smells deliciously of spices. However, I don't think my arms can quite get around her and I found myself blushing when I noticed Professor Bell watching with a warm smile from where she stood next to my mother at the kitchen counter. Public displays of affection made me uncomfortable, especially when I was involved.

"Kalinda, you get taller every year. You better stop growing," my Aunt said as she pulled away and returned to her task. "Why didn't you come down earlier to help us with the food?"

"I had homework to do," I merely replied as I walked over and sat at the table. "Where's your family?"

"Your uncle is in the living room, watching television with your father and Able. Naveed and his wife aren't coming. It seems she's rather delicate, what with her about to give birth and its not good for her to travel. Darius decided to spend the new years with his fiancees family so he won't be coming either. But Kyra, Parvais, Rashaun and Xerxes will all be coming a little later."

"What about Cyrus?" I asked, wishing to focus on Aunt Farrah and not look at Professor Bell.

"That boy is lost, haven't heard from him in three weeks," Aunt Farrah said, without much concern. Cyrus, like Able, plays professional Quidditch. However, he plays in the Indian League. He's even good enough to be picked for their national team. "But I doubt that boy will come. I'm sure he's out sowing more oats," she said with a roll of her eyes.

However, before anymore was exchanged, the bell rang. "I'll get it," I said, rising from the table and rushing out of the room. I felt like Professor Bell's eyes kept wandering over to me, watching me curiously my exchange with my family, and I didn't think I could take much of it. When I got to the door and threw it open, I raised a brow when I was suddenly engulfed in the arms of a girl an inch or two shorter and curvier than me, but with the same skin tone, eyes and hair.

"Where's my mum?" I looked past her to see three tall men behind her. Rashaun, though the oldest of the three was the shortest and darkest, he was also the stockiest, in a muscular way. He had to be being as he was a Dragon tamer. He didn't have hair either as he chose to shave his head. Actually, I'm quite sure he shaved most of his body to keep from being burned too badly. On his neck, he had a vicious scar he said was caused by the spiked end of a Hungarian Horntail.

Parvais, who had been the one that spoke, was really rather dainty and wore his straight, black hair as long as I did. Typically, he tied it in a half-ponytail. Parvais also liked to wear black eyeliner and I'm sure he curled his eyelashes and put on mascara to boot. For this reason, he was picked on by ALL of his siblings, including Kyra. Although, they were all simply playing with him. They really didn't mean anything by it. Unfortunately, Parvais is the type to really take things to heart.

Xerxes, was a mini Rashaun. Although not so mini as he was actually rather tall. Everyone calls him mini-Ra though because he has always idolized Rashaun and tried to emulate him, he even shaved his head like his older brother, even though the look did not suit his features as well.

"Hello to you too, Parvais. She's in the kitchen," I said as Kyra pulled away. Parvais immediately slipped in the doorway without touching me and headed towards the kitchen, a feat that Rashaun, Xerxes, hell even Kyra, wouldn't have been able to accomplish without bumping into me.

"Is our father in the living room?" Rashaun asked, in his very deep voice. Rashaun, like me, never smiled and he was in fact my favorite male perhaps on the planet, after my father though I'd never let that on. He didn't speak much, or show emotion. He was as polite as can be for a man of few words. However, he was also immensely patient, which is why I admired him all the more. I can't imagine how he could keep his patience with Xerxes always following him around like a puppy. He was really the perfect gentleman and really all man. If he weren't my cousin, I would have jumped him.

"Yes," I said, standing aside and waving my cousins inside. Kyra, who was wearing blue jeans, heels, and a dressy black shirt with her hair done up in a chignon stepped in daintily and stood next to me, waiting for her brothers to depart.

"Sorry about Parvais, you know how impetuous he can be," Rashaun went on, giving me a sly wink before giving me a short nod of his head, a bow for him, before proceeding to the living room with Xerxes on his heels. I rolled my eyes as I closed the door and turned to Kyra who was staring at me all the while.

"Come on, there is something I have to tell you," she said as she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the stairs. Kyra and I, despite seeing each other so infrequently, got along very well, which I didn't understand considering she tended to be well liked and a bit of a wild child. She always told me I was the sister she never had, when we got older, I started asking her 'what about Parvais' which always got a laugh form her.

"Shouldn't you say hello to your mother first?" posing her no resistance as I followed her up the stairs to my room.

"I still live with the woman, I see her every day! I don't need to say hello," Kyra responded. "And Kali, we must do something about your hair," she said as she turned to gaze at me with her large, beautiful eyes before shaking her head in disapproval and turning back around. Kyra, like my mother and Aunt Keiki, is quite concerned about personal appearance and like them is amazingly beautiful and has a nice body. I'd be jealous, if I weren't so fond of her. "Sit your skinny butt down," she said when we got into my room after she left go of me and shut the door.

"Hey my arse is rounder than yours," I pointed out as I sat while she grabbed the box on one of my bookshelves in which I kept most of my accessories and crap to put in my hair. She came back to the bed and kind of sat behind me to fix my hair, after setting the box down on the bed next to her and opening it up.

"I know! I'm so jealous. But hey, at least I got nice boobs," she said and I could hear the smile in her voice as she started brushing my hair. I smiled in amusement at this. Kyra was perhaps the person who has seen me smile the most. She's probably the only person I can confide in and talk about my private life to. "So what did you want to tell me?"

"You know how I haven't been able to get a job teaching because most schools are boarding schools and require you to live at the school? Well there is a school in Tokyo where you can commute and I applied for the Arithmancy position and I got it!"

I furrowed my brow at this, seeing various flaws with this plan and wondering if Kyra had even thought about it. She did tend to just go with the flow of things without much thought. "Wouldn't commuting from all the way in India be hell? And since when do you speak Japanese?" I asked a bit sardonically.

"I don't really have to speak Japanese, apparently in Japanese Wizarding schools, English courses are taught intensely and I can learn enough Japanese in the coming months before the next school year starts up to bridge the gap. And I won't be commuting from India. I talked to Uncle Amir and he told me I can move into his house in Tokyo-"

"When did he get a house in Japan?" I asked with a furrowed brow as I turned around. This slightly annoyed Kyra who tugged on my hair.

"You've messed up the fishnet braid. You know how long it takes to braid your long ass hair!" She said in a slightly vexed tone.

"Yes, that's why I don't braid it," I pointed out.

"Right. And well apparently the house in Tokyo is a new acquisition. He only got it a few months ago, but I don't think he much liked Japan and he says I can stay there free for as long as I want," she said. I raised a brow at this. Uncle Amir rarely let anyone stay in one of his homes, even if he wasn't staying there. He'd certainly never allowed any of my cousins stay in his homes. Although I suppose that's because for the most part they are male, and quite messy and Uncle Amir doesn't want them messing up his houses.

"Well that's great," I said just as she finished the braids and placed small little white beads all down the braid. I felt a little disappointed that Kyra was moving even farther away than she already was, however, she seemed really happy about the move and besides, it wasn't as if we saw each other all that often as it was. "I assume you haven't told your mum. How do you think she will take it?" I asked as I stood up when she said she was done and walked over to my closet to check out her work in the mirror.

"Oh you know her, I'm sure she won't be exactly happy about it, but she'll get used to the idea. Its not like I could stay home forever," Kyra said with a shrug as she looked down and closed the box with my things before walking over and placing it back on its shelf. I could see all her actions in the mirror. "You would think she'd be happy that she's finally done raising all her children, but I don't think she can tire of being a mother. Its a good thing that Naveed is having a kid already and Darius better follow up quick with another grandchild or Naveed's wife is gonna lose it. You know mum is actually going to go stay with them for the first couple weeks after the baby is born?" Kyra said, laughing.

I merely nodded as focused my gaze on myself. The braid really looked pretty and fancy. She left it kind of loose and off to the the left side so it softened my thin face. I feel like tight braids, buns and ponytails, make my face look a bit severe being as its so thin and I never smile. "So tell me Kali, how are you and your Professor? I haven't really heard from you much this past semester."

Yes, I had told Kyra about my relationship with Professor Snape and the type of relationship it was. I was relieved that she didn't judge me for it, but I didn't ever let on to her how much I liked him or cared about him and this past semester I had been rather negligent in my letter writing. I hadn't quite been able to bring myself to tell her about my blossoming feelings for Professor Bell.

"No I've been busy," I said with a frown. "And things have been... odd," I said as I turned around and walked back to my bed. I slipped off my shoes before crawling on top of it and sitting against the headboard and pillows and tucking my legs underneath myself. I watched Kyra raised her perfectly thin, much-threaded brow.

"Odd? How?" she asked as she slowly approached the bed and sat on the edge.

"I'm not sure. I feel as though I'm ready to move on and yet... things bother me that shouldn't. Like, not too long ago, my friend Calla told me that she kissed him and... obviously she didn't know I've been having sex with him for over a year, but it kind of bothered me. Especially since he didn't tell me about it. I mean it if really happened the way they both claimed it did, that she threw herself at him and he pushed her away and that he feels nothing for her, than why did it bother me?

"I mean it shouldn't really, I mean all we have is a sexual relationship, and I honestly think that its time for me to move on, but it kind of pissed me off. And I don't know if its simply because I feel like she betrayed me, or like they're screwing around behind my back and laughing at me and I'm just pissed my pride is wounded or what."

"Well if they only kissed one time, what makes you think they are screwing around behind your back?" Kyra asked with a furrowed brow as she stared at me.

"Well, I don't... not really. I mean I think there is something going on between them, but not to that extent. I mean shortly after the kiss she had some sort of accident where she was injured and he was the one that checked her and he hid the fact from me. Then shortly after that, he separated us in his class, so she wouldn't talk to me. And then not long before break he let me know that he had seen her again in private, to check her injury or something, and apparently she told him that she knew about our relationship, that she had overheard some conversation he and I had. And the next time I saw her and we talked, she told me that she was staying over break and that she was hoping to speak to Severus, you know implying she wanted to try something-"

"Wait- Kali just what the hell kind of friend do you have? She knows you're seeing this Professor and she tells you that she's going to make a move on him?" Kyra asked sounding thoroughly pissed and looking outraged.

"I highly doubt she was really serious about that. I think she was just gauging me for reaction, to try to get me to tell her about Severus and I."

"And if she was serious? You realize she's practically alone with him in that great big castle that is your school, right? You feel nothing about that?" Kyra asked, her large dark eyes giving me an intense stare. I turned and looked towards the door as I heard the doorbell ring, glad that I could look away. Kyra knows me almost better than anyone else. Though I've never admitted to feeling anything other than physical attraction for Severus to her, she knows better than to think that I feel nothing at all for him. However, despite knowing that she must suspect it, I couldn't really bring myself to admit it. Hell, even admitting to Calla that I cared for him more than I cared to admit was painful to me. "Kali."

I turned to look back at Kyra and shrugged. "I don't know Kyra. I... I suppose I love him in the sense that I care very deeply for him. But... I don't think that's what we are supposed to look for."

"What do you mean?" Kyra asked in confusion, furrowing her brow.

"In Plato's Symposium the human race were beings of two heads, two sets of arms and legs. Zeus split them in half because he feared their strength. So we are only halves and we search for that part of us which makes us whole. Those whose other half has already perished must settle for just any other, but I'm not ready to settle and ... no matter how much I care for Severus... he's just not that other part of me that I can't picture living without," I explained though I couldn't bring myself to look at Kyra.

"I knew you were a romantic at heart," Kyra teased and I could hear the grin in her voice. I felt myself blush at this in embarrassment. I loathed the idea of anyone thinking I was a romantic. I wasn't, really. I mean I'm quite aware that finding someone who compliments you in every way and makes you feel complete is probably impossible. "However, how are you so sure that Severus isn't your other half?"

"Because I care for him, but I can't really bring myself to say I'm in love with him even to myself, much less to him. And frankly, I don't know very much about him because he won't share and I definitely don't know what he feels for me. I know what he wants, I can sense what he needs, but he'd never bring himself to say it. I doubt he can even admit it to himself. And he'll never provide what I need and I can't bring myself to ask him to and even if I did I know he wouldn't be able to provide it. He might try, actually I'm almost certain he would try, but it would be forced and that's not what I want. Its just... we're so alike and yet... I'm sure he doesn't understand me at all," I explained in a jaded tone.

"Well it sounds to me as though you are in a codependent relationship and that's never healthy. I suggest you break it off. Hell who knows, maybe your friend Calla is his other half and you should clear the way for them."

"No, I don't think she is," I said pensively. Truly, I didn't think Severus had another half and probably wasn't looking. I rather felt he would settle, and I didn't want to be what he settled for. I deserved more than that and Calla does too. However, I don't think Calla believes in other halves, so I don't think it would make much of a difference to her just as it probably wouldn't for Severus. Sometimes I felt that that would make their relationship... not codependent somehow. They would probably be able to have fun together and Severus and I... its not that we didn't, but we are just both so serious and severe.

"Well then... I don't know what to tell you Kali. I personally don't believe in other halves and I wouldn't risk passing up something good for a dream," she said before suddenly looking at me. "But Kali you hide everything you feel and think, so deeply inside yourself like its a hideous weakness or deformity. I don't think you let anyone see the real you, they can only catch glimpses if they are lucky and... love you for it. You've built a tomb in which you have laid to rest everything that is truly you and you don't live. I think before you make a decision and let this man you admit to loving, something monumental in itself, go you should just let yourself be you. Live up to everything you are Kali. Be the sun I know you are."

I furrowed my brow at this. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say to such a discourse. However, I was saved from having to say anything when the room of my door opened and my cousin Elizabeth came in. "Your mother said you were in here and told me to come up so I wouldn't be bored," she said as she rolled her brown eyes and flipped her long, curly, dark brown hair over her shoulder after shutting the door.

I found myself glaring up at her as I swung my legs off the bed and put my shoes on. I wanted to snap at her, however, made myself stop. The last time I let Elizabeth get the better of me, I ripped a fistful of her hair off her head; I was twelve, she was ten at the time. She didn't stop crying for hours and I got the punishment of the century for it. Aunt Shirley, Elizabeth's mother, still gives me dirty looks to this day and I swear to Merlin she called me an animal. My mother refuses to speak to her to this day for that little remark. Its this reason that we hardly see them anymore, because there was a time when they would visit at least once a month.

"You should have knocked," I stated dryly as I gave her my most disdainful look. Elizabeth merely rolled her eyes.

"The only reason I came up here is to ask you if your cousin Fabrice is coming," she said as she rolled her eyes and leaned against the door after crossing her arms over her chest. I raised a brow and sneered at this. I'd always gotten an inkling that Elizabeth had a thing for him. However, I never thought that she'd be deluded enough to believe that she had a chance in hell with him.

I looked at Elizabeth. Honestly, the girl is very pretty. She was pretty, little pink lips and very large brown eyes that I swear have flecks of gold in them. Her form, though petite, has curves to it which are now visible as she was wearing a very clingy dress of silk that looks golden. However, I've seen the girls that Fabrice dates. Very high maintenance girls. Not that Elizabeth is particularly low maintenance, I mean she makes attempts to be girly and pulls it off, but at best she comes off as cute. Fabrice doesn't go for cute.

"I wouldn't really know. If he does, I don't see how you would be able to communicate. He doesn't speak English and somehow I doubt you speak french," I said pointedly. It wasn't really a lie considering that he really doesn't. Not because he can't, he just refuses to. He's conceited like that.

"Who said anything about talking? And I'll have you know I've become very adept to french kissing," she said with an arrogant smile. "I've been told I'm a very good kisser."

"Oh yes I've heard. From more boys than I can count," I said with a smirk walked to the door, causing all of Elizabeth's fair skin to turn tomato red. That's the one reason I'm happy I'm a light brown skin tone. When I blush, it doesn't spread to my neck and chest the way it does for Elizabeth and at least it isn't quite so noticeable. I walked out with Kyra following me and we headed downstairs to properly greet everyone.

For most of the evening, I was distracted with what Kyra had said to me. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I hardly noticed when Aunt Keiki arrived with her husband and my cousin Fabrice. Neither did I note when Cyrus arrived, much to the surprise and pleasure of his mother. However, he wasn't around for long and somehow managed to convince Able, whom he got along so well with that they may as well have been brothers, to go out with him leaving Professor Bell pretty much on her own with the family. However, she wasn't fairing too bad. I think Cyrus must've convinced Pervais and Xerxes to distract her in order to be able to sneak off with Able.

A while before it was the New Year, I slipped out of the living room where all my family was gathered except for the missing family members like Cyrus and Able. Truth be told, I'd wanted to leave a while ago, but I couldn't being as Kyra wasn't really letting me out of her sight. I waited until she was called away and distracted before slipping my way out and heading toward the end of the hall to head up the staircase to my room.

I had only reached the bottom of the stairs when I heard someone call out my name. Slowly, I turned as my heart crawled up my throat lodged itself there and pounded frantically. I swallowed, trying to clear my passageway in order to turn and speak to Professor Bell, who was heading towards me. "Where are you going, it's nearly midnight, don't you want to be with your family to bring in the New Year?" she asked with a slight frown as she stopped in front of me.

I stared at her, unsure what to say. She looked a bit concerned about me, her beautiful eyes watching me with sincere care that I felt my stomach tighten itself into knots. I downcast my gaze wishing to tell her that I just wanted to be alone, but I didn't want to be rude. Besides, it occurred to me that since Able had gone, who knows where, that perhaps she felt alone and out of place. Other than Able and myself, the only person she really knew was my cousin Elizabeth, and well, I'm not sure how well she got along with my cousin being as I'd never really seen them interacting, especially when considering Elizabeth was two years beneath me. Besides over the years, Elizabeth had practically become a stranger to me, and I didn't know what kind of student she was or how she got along with any teachers or what subjects she liked, if any.

Slowly, I let my gaze wander over her. She was wearing black flats with a emerald green dress that reached down to her knees and had long sleeves. However, it had a very low, v-neckline and if it weren't for the silver shawl she wore, it would have been inappropriate to wear to a family gathering, and for a teacher. However, as I looked into her eyes, I furrowed my brow wondering why I hadn't noted this before. "Why are you wearing Slytherin colors?" I asked as I looked into her stunning blue eyes. Being as I was kind of standing on the bottom step, our eyes were actually level with one another.

She opened her mouth and closed it at this, clearly that being the last thing in the world she expected me to ask her. For a moment, her cheeks became faintly pink as she briefly cast a glance towards herself. "I hadn't really noticed before," she said in realization as she looked back at me and shrugged her shoulders slightly. "I've kind of always thought green was the best color for me."

"It is, it makes the green in your eyes stand out and look very beautiful," I mumbled before I even knew what I was doing. As she blushed in pleasure at the compliment, I had to look away just as my eyes widened in horror at what I just said. How could I say something so stupid?! I was about to head up the stairs when I felt her grab onto my wrist.

"Kali, wait," she said, causing me to turn around once more. I stared down at her and raised an inquisitive brow asking her what she wanted while internally I agonized over why she had to torture me in this unbearable fashion. "Please don't go isolate yourself. No one should be alone on New Years," she pleaded as she looked up into my eyes.

I stared down at her, wondering if she was just saying those things to me just because she didn't want to be alone. I narrowed my gaze on her as I clenched my jaw, however, before I could say anything mean out of resentment, I heard my family loudly counting down to the new year. Ten, nine, eight, seven... I heard, turning to gaze briefly towards where it was coming from before turning to look at Professor Bell who was watching me with a look on her face that confused me. It looked so sad and forlorn and I wasn't sure what it meant, she seemed to be begging to me with her eyes to not jump to conclusions and think she was only doing so out of selfish reasons. Five, four...

I gazed down into her eyes, uncertain with what she wanted from me. Why did she care if I was alone or not? And why did I care so much? Why did my heart thunder as it did? Two, I heard them call and my mind became fuzzy. The world felt like it was slipping away. Her eyes seemed to tell me that she really did care before her gaze wandered away. For a moment I could swear I saw her eyes drift to my lips.

One.

"Happy New year," she whispered, and I could barely hear it over all the calls of my family shouting it. However, I could hardly hear that ruckus over my own thundering heart as I stared down into her eyes. I don't know who moved in first, whether it was her, or me, or perhaps we had drawn together like two powerful magnets, but the next thing I knew, I had my eyes shut and my lips pressed against her plump and incredibly soft, pale-pink lips.

I couldn't breathe. Time stood still as my mind blanked and my lips lingered on hers. The kiss was chaste, and neither of us moved. We merely stood with our lips touching while my heart thundered in my chest. I had to be dreaming. I couldn't believe this. I felt as though I had reached heaven and yet at the same time, I felt as though I wanted to die, because this couldn't be real. Her lips could not be pressed against mine, so delicious and pliant, waiting with bated breath to mold to my will.

A gasp pressed through the haze and I pulled away in a lightning fast action. I wasn't dreaming. I stared at her face, seeing the blush that spread there and the way she was looking at me with wide eyes, startled as she gazed at me. I felt my stomach churning as I gazed at her, probably with the same expression. How had this happened? Had I been stupid enough to kiss her? Or had she kissed me? I wasn't sure! And what was more, my eyes caught movement out of the corner of my eyes and drew my gaze to the person standing in the hall, staring at us with a startled expression.

I couldn't bare to look back at Professor Bell's face and see disgust there and not wanting to deal with the anguish and embarrassment, I brushed past her and headed straight for Elizabeth who was only beginning to snap out of her paralysis. When she saw me coming towards her, her eyes widened in fear and she turned to run back where she had come from, however, I managed to reach her just in time and I grab her by the arm, before tugging her roughly and slamming her into the wall. I pinned her there with my right forearm coming across her neck and pressing it in to choke her.

"I swear if you fucking tell anyone about this I will rip your tongue out with my bare hands and make you eat it, Elizabeth, do you understand me?" I growled out to her and I glared down at her, bearing my teeth at her. Her eyes widened even further. She tried to respond, but only choking sounds came out so instead she nodded her assent. I nodded before merely turning away and heading towards the kitchen before exiting through the back door of the house. I sat on the back steps, not at all caring that it was cold out and feeling that I just needed to breathe and get some fresh air to clear my head.

Crossing my arms and resting them on my knees, I buried my head in them. I felt my body tremble, in part because of the biting cold on my bare skin, and in part because I was terrified. What the fuck had I just done? What did she think of me? How was I supposed to face her again? I wanted to cry from the embarrassment and my stupidity. I could feel the tears prickling in my eyes and making them burn as my throat started hurting from the constriction and strain of trying to keep the sobs from forming and being let loose into the cold night.

I'm not sure how long I was sitting out there, shivering violently from the cold. I wanted to die or become numb. I tried to let my concern for the nearly freezing temperatures attempt to keep me from worrying too much about what just happened, but despite the desire in my body for heat, I couldn't stop thinking about what had occurred and thinking that there was no way I could go inside when she was somewhere inside the house, thinking god knows what about me. She probably thought I was disgusting, and terrible. Or perhaps she thought I was an idiot.

Caught up in this terrible turmoil, I didn't even notice when the door of the house opened behind me and someone stepped out. "Kali, you're going to catch your death out here," a deep voice said as something very warm was placed on my shoulders. I looked up just as my cousin Rashaun sat next to me and took out a pipe from his pants and lit it. He didn't say anything or even look at me as he took a drag before exhaling. I snuggled into the warmth of his burgundy cloak as I wrapped it tightly about me.

If it had been anyone else, I would have been annoyed by their intrusion and nervous that they'd pry too deeply into my business, but Rashaun's presence was calming and comforting. Also, as I watched him for a moment, I was actually glad for his presence as it dragged my thoughts away from the anguish I felt and settled on something else. "Aren't you cold?" I asked as he was only wearing what looked like a thin, dark-grey, long-sleeved cotton shirt which clung to his muscular body and washboard abs. I imagined that he had to be cold considering he was used to the hot temperatures of India and was only wearing a shirt.

Rashaun shrugged. "Not really," he said merely. "What are you doing out here," he said after a long moment as he cast a glance at me out of the corner of his eye.

"I needed to clear my head," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. My body was quickly absorbing all the heat of his cloak and very slowly began to settle from all its tremors. I inhaled deeply the cold night air, which was now tainted by the smell of his sweetened tobacco. The smell and the sudden heat, was making me feel very sleepy and I leaned my head against Rashaun's very well muscled shoulder.

In response Rashaun merely hummed as he continued to smoke. He didn't seem to notice or perhaps care that I was resting against him. "Able's been gone a while," he suddenly murmured. I merely nodded, I was having a hard time staying awake now. "I think that girl deserves better."

I wasn't sure why Rashaun was bringing this up, but he wasn't an uptight guy so I didn't read too far into it. Besides, sleep was becoming near impossible to shake off and I couldn't find enough strength to be annoyed that he was unknowingly bringing my thoughts back to her. "She does, but are you going to tell her?" I murmured as I stifled a yawn. Rashaun wouldn't, he would never betray family.

"No, but Able should know better being as he has you. I wouldn't treat a girl like that because I'd never want any asshole treating my sister like that," he said as he finished his pipe and set it in his pocket. I only vaguely thought of what he said. Though Able was jealous and protective of me, at times he was too far involved in his own thing to take much notice of me. If he had, he would have beat the shit out of his teammate who took my virginity. He would have noticed the guy, lurking around trying to charm me and get into my pants. My heart panged at the memory of my first, which I tended not to ever think of.

Though he was slow and gentle with me and didn't push me too hard, he'd still broken my heart. However, I was deluded to think that it would ever work out. He was a couple years older than me, on a national Quidditch team. It would never work out. I would rarely see him. And if we tried, in the end we would have had to break up due to the strain of a long distance relationship. Besides, Able would have never approved. Us breaking it off was really for the best and if I hadn't wanted my heart to break, I should have never let it happen in the first place.

I sighed sadly, knowing I was as much to blame as him. I could feel Rashaun turn his head to look at me at the sigh I uttered before I felt him shifting, placing his arm around me. I would have been stunned by the warmth that emanated from his body despite the cold, but I was beginning to drift off into sleep. "Come on my little fae, lets get you to bed," Rashaun said with a slight chuckle. I smiled at the pet name, though my eyes remained closed. I hadn't heard it in years. Although I rarely saw my cousins and the age gap made my relationship with Rashaun even less familiar than it was with Kyra, Rashaun had given me a pet name when I was little and he used to be very affectionate with me. I liked to bask in his love as a child, because Rashaun was one of Farrah's most esteemed sons.

I didn't stir was I felt him pick me up and carry me bridal-style into the house. I snuggled my face closer to his chest as I limply held onto his neck. I merely wanted to sleep, but as he carried me in and up the stairs, the small bumps of his steps didn't quite allow me to. However, before I knew it, Rashaun placed me in my plush bed, removed my shoes and his cloak and had me tucked in. Before I lost consciousness I felt his hand on my bed and him press a kiss to my forehead. "I hope you never allow a man to treat you any less than like a queen." I was fast asleep by the time he stepped out of my room and shut the door behind himself.

**TBC...**

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**HQ: Sorry about the all Kalinda chapter, it was the only way to format it and not make it ridiculously long, but fear not Calla will be back in the next chap. Special thanks to Jax and Me-halcyon for your consistent reviews, I'm glad that someone is enjoying it.**

**I think Kari also deserves a special thanks for updating while my net is still down. As always please review.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Calla**

Even though the castle was virtually empty, over the next week, I didn't see Snape except for at dinner. I figure he was taking the time to either catch up on grading papers and/or sleeping or else he was just avoiding me, which I really had no problem with. I wasn't going out of my way to find him especially after what had happened Christmas. I figured he was just as embarrassed as I was. He had after all, ingested a fair amount of tequila. When I had woke up the morning after, he was gone and the fireplace was dead, looking as cold as I had felt. I figured he'd gone off to his private quarters, where ever those were. I slunk off, ashamed even though the worst thing that could've happened didn't. The fact that it almost had didn't help.

To while away the hours, I spent my time reading novels, taking full advantage of the nearly empty common room. The only person who appeared to have stayed was a boy called Anton Gilbert, who was in the year below me. He was also my replacement on the Quidditch team. I sort of resented him for it but even I couldn't deny the fact that he was good looking. He was muscular with broad shoulders and a narrow face that seemed to always be smiling. His smile seemed to take over his features, brightening his face and sending a friendly glint to his clear blue eyes. Of course, when he smiled at me, I found it hard to smile back because I was a petty bitch and didn't like him because he'd turned out to be a much better Beater than I was. Tara was pleased with him and I doubt that if I had stayed on, our team would've made it as far as they had. The thing was, I don't ever remember him trying out for the Quidditch team when I had because he surely would've beaten me out for my spot or at least the other Beater, a stupid bloke we just called Desmond. I'm not sure if that was his first or last name. I'd never really cared enough to clarify.

On New Years Eve, I was sulking behind a book when Anton entered the common room with a bottle of champagne and a couple of crystal glasses. I was vaguely aware of him approaching me and when I realized he had, I sank further into the sofa, trying to avoid him. He, however, didn't let my antisocial behavior deter him.

"What?" I snapped finally when I had enough of him hovering over me. He looked a bit affronted by my tone.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to share a New Years drink with me," Anton said and held up the bottle. I raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Er...it's a tradition? Why do you have to be such a cow about it? I'm only trying to be nice."

Now it was my turn to look surprised. Anton seemed like a nice fellow. I never expected him to put me in my rightful place.

"Sorry," I grumbled. "I just meant, why me?"

"Do you see any one else around?"

Fair point. There wasn't really any one else around and to be perfectly honest, a drink sounded nice. I needed something to take my mind off of Snape and Kalinda and what exactly was going to happen after the Holiday was over. I scooted over on the sofa, inviting Anton to sit down next to me. He went to work filling the glasses and then we waited in silence for the final minutes, then seconds of the old year to run out.

"Cheers," I muttered and raised my glass in a toast to him once the grandfather clock struck midnight. He clinked his glass against mine and we both took a sip in unison.

"So," Anton said after he drained his glass and refilled it. He then topped mine off. "Got any resolutions?"

"Nah," I said. "Not really. I know I'm going to break them if I even try."

"I'll drink to that," Anton said with a smile and then raised his glass. "Here's to not disappointing ourselves."

"Can I ask you something?"

"What's that?"

"How come you've never tried out for the Quidditch team before?"

Anton shrugged. "I liked watching you play, that's all. Truth be told when Finch came around saying they were replacing one of the Beaters, I was sure it was Desmond and jumped at the chance to be able to play with you."

I smiled at that, thinking he was just trying to flatter me. But it did make me feel better about him being my replacement. Maybe that's what he was trying to do.

"In all honesty, I think you're doing better than I ever did."

I expected him to be modest and deny it but instead he just shrugged. "We're both better than Desmond. Finch was stupid for kicking you off."

"She didn't kick me off the team. I quit," I said with a frown. Anton gave me an odd look.

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"Circumstances," I explained with a shrug, trying to avoid the question. I hope he would take it at that and leave it. Anton did not get a chance to respond. The fireplace flashed green suddenly, causing me to jump up and scream, dumping my champagne all over Anton, who stood and spluttered, shocked by the sudden shower.

"My office, now, Bigsby," Snape's head said and then disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared.

"What the hell was that about?" Anton said, looking bewildered. "What in the hell did you do to the greasy bastard this time?"

"I don't know!" I said. His guess was just as good as mine because Snape did sound pissed off. Then again, he generally just gave off that vibe. I knew it had to do something with the other night which just made my knees weak with fear. Surely he didn't want to go another round. That was just as scary as anything else, if not more so. But somehow I doubted he wanted another go. As nice as it was, I didn't really want to repeat the experience, not until Kalinda was out of the picture at least.

I apologized quickly to Anton and bustled off towards the dungeons, knowing that if I delayed, I'd regret it. When I finally made it to his office, Snape was sitting at his desk, scowling at a stack of papers he was grading on his desk. He pointed at a chair, silently commanding that I sit down. I preferred to stand just in case I needed to run but I couldn't rightly disobey him outright by remaining standing. I was too shook up to be a right little cunt.

Three minutes passed and then five without him even so much as breathing in my direction. I started to get a bit agitated. Why was he so adamant about me coming down here if he was just going to ignore me? I fidgeted in my seat and cleared my throat. Nothing.

"Oi!" I cried. He finally looked up at me. I glared at him. "Why in the fuck did you call me down here if you were just going to ignore me?"

"I'm sorry," he said. "I got caught up in what I'm doing."

I rolled my eyes. But now that he was looking at me, I could tell that he was troubled which left me feeling more than a little unsettled.

"If this is about the other night..." I said.

"Of course it is," he snapped. "Why in the hell else would I require your presence? Because I enjoy it?"

I bit my lip. That actually sort of stung. "So it didn't mean anything?"

Snape sighed as though he were terribly burdened and closed his eyes. "I'm not saying that at all. I don't want you to think for one iota that it didn't mean anything because it clearly did. I just know that you harbor that idiotic Hufflepuff loyalty and I wanted to ask you not to say anything to Kalinda."

"Oh," I said. Of course he wasn't going to ask me. He would command it and threaten me, more than likely. "I thought that was pretty much a given."

"So you weren't planning on telling her."

"Of course I was. And then I was going to beg for my life afterwards. Look, Professor, I can't pretend that I betrayed my friend and you can't pretend that you pretty much cheated on your..." I wasn't sure what Kalinda was to him. It would be awkward and strange to call her his girlfriend. He didn't strike me as the type to have a girlfriend, regardless if he was seeing anyone or not. "The point is she told me herself she didn't like being lied to. And I can't pretend things are normal. She'd pick up on the fact that something is wrong eventually."

"I'm fully aware of that," Snape said quietly. "I know her a lot better than you do which is why I think it best that she hear it straight from me."

"Why?" I inquired.

"If I'm honest with her and tell her before you get the chance to, there's still a slim chance that she'd forgive me and decide to not give me the boot."

I felt my blood run cold as my heart shattered into a million little pieces, as stupid as that sounds. I don't know what exactly I was expecting.

"What about me?" I whispered.

"I can't rightly give up Kalinda for something that may or may not work out," Snape replied. "What I have with her is solid."

"How would you even know that what we have isn't solid if you aren't willing to take that chance?"

"I'm afraid I'm not much of a thrill seeker."

"Well, that's just fantastic," I said bitterly. "I've put a lot on the line here, too. This isn't just about you. I should've known better than to throw myself at your mercy. I should've seen this coming from light years away!"

I hopped up and kicked the chair with as much force as I could possibly muster. It went skidding across his office before landing on its side. It came to a halt right next to the fire place. That's when I noticed that the bed of blankets he'd laid out for us was still there, untouched, as though it had only been a few hours ago that we were in each other's arms, nuzzling each other and kissing. The sight of it and the memory made me want to cry.

"It was never my intention to hurt you and despite what you're thinking now, I wasn't just using you. What happened was a serious lack of judgement on my part."

"Yes but you mean so much more to me than just that," I said as I brushed a tear away. "You're all I think about any more."

Snape just shook his head. He couldn't even look me in the eye, the coward. It's not that I wanted to ruin things between him and Kalinda but part of me hoped and most of me ached for the fact that he'd think that what he had with me was so much more than that. Apparently it wasn't and I couldn't fault either of them for that. I just wished I hadn't gotten dragged into the crossfire. If anything, what had happened on Christmas probably just rekindled what he felt for her to begin with. They were also having sex when I had made it clear that I wasn't exactly comfortable with having sex. What man would give up some one who would have sex with them for someone who wanted to wait?

"I'm sorry, Calla," Snape said.

"Yeah," I replied icily. "I'm sorry too."

"Don't be that way."

"I don't have time for this bullshit," I muttered. "I'm leaving. And don't you think that for one iota that I'm going to come crawling back to you."

"I wouldn't expect you to."

"And don't think that I'm going to allow what happened to happen ever again so don't even try."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

I hoped he'd at least beg me to be with him despite the circumstances. I'm not sure that I would've but the fact that he wanted to hold onto it would've given me hope. At least he was merciful and didn't give me that hope. I probably would've been naive enough to fall for it. So, I left without another word, feeling extremely heavy and more than a little sad. I went to bed and vowed to stay there until the new term began.

**Kalinda**

The last couple days of the holiday were torture for me, and at that Professor Bell wasn't even around. When I woke the morning she had already gone, something about having work to finish up at the school. I felt sickened as I felt she had probably left to avoid being around me. I almost wanted to crawl back into bed and never see anyone again. As the holidays drew steadily to a close, I much less wanted to go back to school.

And it wasn't only because I was petrified about seeing Professor Bell after the kiss fiasco. The truth was, I didn't want to get back to the school as it meant that I would have to go back to seeing Snape and Calla who was in love with him or something. However, I supposed it couldn't be as bad as being at home with Able around. I felt partly guilty for kissing his girlfriend and I couldn't really stand being around him as I also partly resented him for having this amazing, brilliant, kind woman at his side and he taking her for granted. I was practically seething with envy to the point that my brother started to notice it. I think he shrugged it off and thought I was merely angry with him for whatever reason and was trying to make up for it by trying to make me laugh, and doting on me. It made the guilt feel worse, and that was saying something considering that my conscience is caged deep inside me in a dungeon made of thick cement and shrouded in darkness through which the only light and air that can penetrate it is through a teeny tiny, barred window.

However, either way you looked at it, I was going to be in hell, so I thought that I may as well return to school. On the long train ride to Hogwarts, I leaned back against the seat with my eyes closed and told myself that freaking out was only going to make matters worse. That seeing Professor Bell was inevitable, but I should simply ignored and avoid her when not in the classroom setting. Or perhaps I should tell her that the kiss meant nothing and that I did it simply to keep up with a typical New Year's tradition.

I frowned at this. First of all I wasn't sure I could bare to speak to her, especially not about that. Second of all, I'd never be able to lie to her and tell her that it meant nothing when it still made my head spin to recall it all those flutters in my stomach become revived. Besides, would she ever believe that I was only doing it to keep up with tradition when she caught me practically running away from my entire family? Merlin, of course she would believe that. She's not a bloody idiot! I sighed as I banged my head against the compartment for being so stupid. It was better to try to simply go on business as usual and avoid her when necessary.

However, that didn't take away the dread I felt, which of course made the ride back to the school a lost faster than it would have been had I been indifferent or looking forward to returning. As we pulled into Hogsmeade and took the carriage ride to Hogwarts, I continue to think about Professor Bell and feeling horror at the thought of seeing her. However, when a view of the castle came into sight, my thoughts suddenly turned to Severus, who in a way I'd forgotten about. I hadn't forgotten that our relationship, if you could call it that, was falling apart and that I suspected Calla was in love with him. What I had forgotten to consider was what in the hell I was supposed to say to him about the fact that I had kissed Professor Bell?

I felt my stomach twisting into knots as I frowned. How could I fail to think of this? Immediately I knew that I couldn't tell him I had kissed Professor Bell, the thought of that was not only embarrassing as it implied I was gay or bi, but could also jeopardize her. However, if I told him I kissed someone else, I'm pretty sure he'd be pissed and take it out on me somehow. I didn't think he'd be pissed because he cared but because he was a possessive jerk. And I'd never live it down and even though I hated the thought of being at Hogwarts for much longer, I couldn't afford to be expelled and I didn't want school to be a bigger hell than it was!

I bit my lip and pressed my head against the carriage window. I wanted to slam my head against it because I wasn't sure what the hell I was supposed to do, but refrained from doing so as the class might possibly shatter and cut my forehead. Besides I didn't want to look like I demented nut to the people I was sharing the carriage with.

I chewed on my lower lip as we drew steadily to the castle. Perhaps I could avoid Severus long enough to figure out whether to tell him or not. I pulled away from the window and closed my eyes, leaning my head back and taking a deep breath. Above everything I had to make sure to remain composed. I had a damn reputation to uphold and I wasn't going to allow anything to ruin that, especially not in my last fucking year of school.

The carriages finally pulled up to the school and my eyes snapped open. I set my mouth into a straight line as I forced every thought out of my head and steeled my nerves. All I had to do was get to the dorm, avoid the only people that existed in my life, and I was home free to rationally think everything through and come up with a course of action that would most benefit me. I was competent enough to pull off the simple task of getting to the dorm with no incident. With that thought in mind, I felt calmer, and as soon as the carriage door was open I graciously stepped down, praying to Salazar Slytherin that I came across no unforeseen obstacles.

**XX**

I got to the dorm without incident and lay in bed with the curtains drawn around it to think. I skipped lunch and dinner, because I didn't want to see anyone just yet, especially not Professor Bell. However, despite all the time I spent in bed, wracking my brain, it wasn't enough. Not long after dinner, I was summoned by Severus to his private quarters. As I made my way through the dark corridors in the dungeon, I chewed on my bottom lip and clenched and unclenched my fist I my pockets, wondering what in the hell I was supposed to say to him. It didn't help any that the dungeons were freezing and the cold made it hard to come up with a solution that hadn't come to me in all those hours in bed.

I knew why he was summoning me. Probably to have sex, after all we didn't usually go so long without sex. However, I couldn't bring myself to have sex with him with the matter of kissing Bell hanging over my head like dumbbell, held over it by a flimsy piece of string that would snap any second and kill me. However, unless I said something about kissing someone else to him, Severus would find it odd that I was abstaining from sex. I rarely abstained from sex, because I really rather enjoyed it, and Severus would know something was wrong right away; though, despite all that, I was terrified of saying something to him because he was a vengeful arsehole and wouldn't hesitate to make my life a living hell.

Imagine my surprise when I walked in only to be guided to his leather-clad couch and gently pushed to sit down on it.

"I've fucked up, again," he said frankly as he sat on the coffee table before me, while holding my hands in his. He wouldn't look me in the eye and kept his gaze on our hands. It took a moment for what he said to process in my brain, but when I did I pulled my hands away from his grasp and narrowed my gaze on him.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I stared at him suspiciously. He slowly raised his eyes to meet mine and for a moment he seemed to contemplate what he should say, before speaking in a bit of a rush. My eyes slowly became imperceptibly larger as he went on, my stomach tightening into knots. I started to feel sick and my mind was in a whirl, but I tried very hard to concentrate on keeping my face stony and unemotional.

"Bigsby came by to see me on Christmas to drop off a bottle of tequila... her parents sent them to all of the Professors. She stayed for a while and I had a little too much to drink and... I wasn't thinking straight, Kalinda, you have to believe that," he said in a rush before looking at me imploringly. I guess I was doing a better job then I thought at not demonstrating how sickened I felt by the sight of him because he was searching my face with what looked like desperation and seemingly not finding anything to give him encouragement.

I breathed slowly, waiting for him to go on, but it seemed he was done. I waited a moment, to ensure my tone of voice would remain steady before glaring at him. "And? What did you do this time, Severus?" I snapped in irritation.

"Well we kissed... we didn't go very far!" he said, as his cheeks became blotchy red. I raised a brow at this. I swear, I wanted to slap the snark and arrogance and everything that was him out of him viciously. However, I merely stood up and walked away, crossing my arms over my chest and clenching my fist underneath my arms. I shut my eyes as I looked up towards the ceiling, which in the darkness of the dungeon could not actually be seen.

"Be more precise Severus, I don't want any nasty surprises in the future. You don't have to go terribly into details, just tell me more, because I don't think all you did was kiss," I said, keeping my eyes closed and still facing away from him, trying to keep my anger at bay. I could feel tears gather behind my closed lid and mentally told myself that I shouldn't fucking be crying over this arsehole who was supposed to mean nothing more to me than a good time.

"I'm not sure, its a little blurry at the moment. We didn't have sex. We kissed, heavily..." he stated, pausing, completely uncomfortable it seemed with talking about it... or perhaps he didn't want to get to into details because if he said he was practically devouring her face I wouldn't feel at all inclined in even thinking of forgiving him. Considering he's the head of Slytherin, I was more inclined to think that was his reasoning. "I think I may have fondled her chest a little, but that was all," he said and as he spoke I could hear him approaching me. I turned only slightly and raised a hand to stop him from getting any closer to me. I think he must have understood and stopped some way away from me. I still refused to look at him as my mind spun with a heavy onslaught of thoughts. It was like a mudslide in my head and I was having trouble thinking of much. All thoughts seemed to be blurring together while I tried desperately not to lose my composure.

"So... I imagine you're telling me in the hopes I'll forgive you?" I managed to ask, though to my ears my voice sounded very far away. For a moment, I wasn't sure whether I spoke aloud or if it was just a thought. 'I hope you never allow a man to treat you any less than like a queen.' Rashaun's whispered words repeated themselves over and over in my mind. There were other thoughts attached to this, wondering how I could allow Severus to step all over me like this. Wondering how I ever forgave him. Wondering how he could expect me to forgive him for this when I knew that in all likelihood, it wouldn't be the last time he betrayed me. And I hated him and myself for it, but I tried not to think of all this lest it incite my tears anymore and the tightening in my stomach became unbearable wishing for the release of the bile rising inside of me.

"I know you value honesty. I'm being honest with you. I don't want to lose you," he said in a low tone, his voice soft and somehow wafting through all the thoughts in my head. My heart panged. In all honesty, I wasn't ready to give him up and when I thought about it... I had betrayed him over the holidays too. I kissed Professor Bell and though I wasn't sure if it was me who had initiated it, if I was the one to blame, but I knew that what I'd done was somehow worse, because I wanted Professor Bell with all my heart... and though that really had nothing to do with sex, it was perhaps worse because I felt I was in love with her.

I sighed and let my shoulders slump lightly as I looked to the ground, pushing away all the thoughts except for those that debated whether or not I should tell him about kissing Professor Bell. Turning around slowly, I looked up and gazed at him. I wondered if I looked guilty to him for a moment, but discarded that when considering I didn't feel that guilty about it to begin with. I felt even less guilty about it now when I thought of the fact that he had made out with and gotten to second base with Calla. Actually, perhaps I even felt vindicated by having kissed Professor Bell. I wondered if that hadn't happened, how torn up and angry I would have felt about it. Now, I was only annoyed that I had agonized about it all for no reason.

"Fine... I'll let it go this time but I swear to Salazar Severus it's the last damn time," I said, deciding that I wouldn't tell him about Professor Bell. What was the point? So he'd feel justified for what he did? So he could have the right to be equally pissed at me for it, or... more so considering what a possessive and irrational jerk he was? This year was already hellish enough year to add Severus' wrath to it. Besides... what if he went after Professor Bell's' head? She was least to blame in all of this.

As it was, he was raising a brow suspiciously at me. "Just like that?" he asked, sounding surprised I was taking it so easy on him. I raised a brow as I looked at him and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Not even. I'm reserving the right to give you my demands at a later time and you will agree if you want me to fuck you again," I said, before whirling around and making my way toward the exit. "Good night," I said without looking back at him as I left to ponder just what my demands were going to be and just how I was going to deal with Calla, however, for the moment I supposed that latter issue depended on whether or not Calla planned on being honest with me at all, or if she would be a coward and not say a word about it to me.

Getting back to the dorm, I merely lay back in bed, either thinking or reading. I actually didn't really get out of bed except for bathroom trips and showers. I didn't bother to go to the Great Hall for any meals, being as I was terrified of seeing Professor Bell and holding that off until it was absolutely unavoidable to see her, which wouldn't occur until Defense Against the Dark Arts if I could help it.

Considering it was Saturday, I wasn't really all that hungry by the time Monday came around and classes started up. So I once more abstained from eating, I could really go several days without eating. I was kind of used to it. Not because I had a messed of view of myself and thought I was a cow. No, its just that I can't eat if I get angry, or upset. I'm not sure how people can stuff their faces when they are. However, I can't. So I suppose I had a built up endurance. I'm not sure how long I could go before the hunger pains would get bad, being as the longest I'd ever gone thus far was about four days. I wasn't sure that that would be necessary considering, returning to classes meant wandering the halls and running into Professor Bell.

It was unnecessary to worry about, being that I didn't see her around. I wondered if that was simply because she was not around to be seen, or if she was avoiding me as much as I was avoiding her. I groaned inwardly, wondering if perhaps it had been me that had initiated the kiss and now she loathed the thought of seeing him. However, I supposed if she were avoiding me, then at least I wouldn't have to work so hard at avoiding her. Unfortunately, I did cross paths with my cousin and I shot a glare at her to remind her not to breathe a word of what she had seen. In response her eyes widened in horror and she grasped her throat and hurried on her way, her friends eyeing her like she was queer as they sped up to catch up to her. I smirked, happy the little chit was scared of me. It was one of the perks of being considered a cold, heartless, ruthless Slytherin.

Unfortunately, I had potions at the end of the day... so there was no avoiding Calla or Severus for that matter, who had I hadn't seen since the evening I'd gotten back to the castle. I hadn't yet made up my mind with what I wanted from him, only that I felt the need to our respective power-positions, as I saw it, I was entitled to be the one in the power-seat considering he kept fucking up. However, I made sure to arrive early enough so I wouldn't have to see Calla right away and be situated by the time she got to class. Snape didn't approach me, and I didn't expect him to considering that he would never do so when class was about to be filled with students.

When class started and Calla finally came in, late, I tried my best to concentrate on the lecture. However, I did momentarily raise my brow in curiosity and without looking at her, only seeing her in my peripherals. She was supposed to be sitting in the seat nearest to Snape, not next to me, however, I don't think Snape would dare sit her near him again, so he said nothing about it.

From time to time, I wondered whether or not Calla would say anything to me. Thus far she seemed intent on concentrating on the lesson, which was fine with me. However, the lecture did not take the entire class time, which gave Calla the opportunity to talk to me about it if she was going to, because I certainly was not going to breach the subject considering that she was the one that had perpetrated the situation... besides, it was a test to see if she was going to be truthful with me, a coward, of just another sleek, untrustworthy chit like the rest of my housemates. In the meantime, as I did almost any time we were given "study time" in class, I instead chose to sketch in my sketchbook. Usually teachers frowned at this, and Snape especially was one of the Professor's that would not abide it, however, I knew he was not going to say anything to me. He never did since our "affair" started, so long as it wasn't during the time he gave lecture or we were supposed to be making a potion.

When Calla at last decided to speak, I continued sketching, wondering whether she was going to tell me about it. She seemed to be giving me the runaround, which frankly gets on my nerves. I'm a Slytherin, I can run circles around people in conversations. I was relieved when she at last gathered the courage to get straight to the point, and was pleased to see that she was being honest with me.

However, I couldn't help clenching my jaw in anger when she actually described the event. I felt momentarily like a knife had been jabbed and twisted in my guts as a momentary flash in my mind made me picture the event. I made myself get over that before turning to look at Calla and responding, or else I would've been likely to claw her eyes out and feed them to her in my rage. I was slightly amused that she was so worried about telling me like I was going to bite her head off right there in the class.

When she apologised, I didn't rightly care for her apology. If it was sincere, she wasn't sincerely sorry for what she should be sorry for, but because Snape had rejected her and she did something morally ambiguous for nothing. If Snape had cut things off with me, I'm sure she would have not felt so guilty about it because in the end she'd gotten what she wanted. It's really the Slytherin mentality, the end justifies the means.

I loathed thinking of Calla this way, because the sole reason I talked to her was because I expected her to be much different from my housemates. But being as I'm cynical, it's hard not to think that way about anyone. That isn't to say that I thought Calla was a bad person. She was simply human, and the fact that she had the courage to be honest with me, really said something about her character. I couldn't really blame her for what she had done, considering that love makes one so irrational and forget about the world. The heart or perhaps simple longing tossed out the window all the rules of society and humanity.

As for Snape choosing me over Calla... well my cynical mind provided the response for this as well. Calla, I was pretty sure, was a virgin. She wasn't going to give it up to Snape anytime soon and being that I inducted him into the world of sex, a world he only really discovered first hand the previous school year, I was sure he wasn't ready to give it up just yet.

When Calla asked me if we were all right, I wondered why she asked, considering I didn't think I'd given any indication that we weren't so I merely repeated what I'd already said to her. Thinking that I didn't want to give her the impression that she could do whatever she pleased to me with no repercussions so long as she told me about it, I warned her as an afterthought that I did have my limit.

**Calla**

The morning of the first day of classes, I finally skulked into the Great Hall. It was abuzz with chatter. I was so used to it being quiet that the sound of everyone being back was almost too much for me to handle. Somewhere, Kalinda was eating with her fellow classmates. I wondered if Snape had said anything to her yet or if I should keep avoiding her until she confronted me or if she would confront me.

However pressing matters were, I didn't get much of a chance to really ponder on them. Tara approached me, looking troubled. She sat down beside me and gave a large sigh.

"I guess I've really got to swallow my pride here," she said. "The thing is, I know I haven't been very friendly toward you within the past few months which is why I understand if you say no."

"Say no to what?"

"Desmond's just been to see me. It seems as though he's failing Transfiguration and his mum isn't going to allow him to play anymore. She seems to think he should spend more time studying than practicing. I honestly don't understand her priorities." Tara didn't seem to notice when I raised an eyebrow at her. "I'd rather prefer it if you joined again because I honestly don't want to have to hold tryouts again."

"I'm not really sure if I should-" Before I could finish my thought, Tara held her hand up.

"Before you make a final yes or no, just let me apologize for the way I treated you. I am sorry but you should be fully aware that being a Beater is risky business. I could put you in better safety gear if you like, but it'd slow down your flying."

I wasn't sure what to think. I missed Quidditch but at the same time, I wanted to avoid any sort of mishaps that could potentially involve Snape. I looked down the table and Anton, who wasn't sitting far away and was obviously listening in. He was beaming at me and giving me the thumbs up sign. Part of me thought that perhaps he had something to do with this. Now that I thought about it, I had seen Anton supposedly tutoring Desmond toward the end of last term. The thought made me snort. What an absolute Slytherin thing to do.

"Honestly, Tara, I was just a bit butt hurt because of the Snape thing," I said. "So, I guess I'm in."

"That's my girl," Tara said and threw her arms around me. Honestly, I should've been a lot more pissed off at her than I was for the way she treated me but in essence, Tara was a good girl and had never really done me all that wrong before. She was so excited that she actually walked with me to the first class, Transfiguration. She chattered and told me about her holiday and how she'd met the perfect girl for her who just also happened to be muggle, so she was torn apart. Considering how my holiday went, it all seemed petty to me but I listened as much as seemed polite. As selfish as it sounded, I rightly did not give a flying fuck. I had bigger fish to fry.

Unfortunately, my potion lesson was scheduled for the end of the day which consequently made time come to a screeching halt as I just wanted to get it over and done with. I had a hard time actually entering the classroom. I watched as everyone else filed in, chatting gaily with one another. I just stood there, unable to make my feet move. Every part of me told me to just walk off and not even bother with going in but my dignity seemed to be in dire need of rescuing.

Snape didn't make any comment when I walked in a full minute after the final bell rang. Normally he would have sneered and taken points away as I had a bad habit of not being able to show up on time on a frequent basis. I caught his eye for a split second and then took a seat in my usual spot, next to Kalinda rather than the desk closest to Snape where he had sat me previously. I figured he would have pitched a fit about me sitting next to her if he hadn't told her about what had happened on Christmas. The sad part was that I still felt that clenching feeling in my chest whenever I saw him. I was supposed to feel angry at him. I tried to feel angry at him but I just couldn't bring myself to feel anything other than sad. Sad because I was sure I lost Kalinda as a friend but mostly sad because I couldn't have him.

Snape started in on a lecture about having to work extra hard this term because it seemed as though we were nowhere near prepared enough for N.E.W.T's and that it was our fault because we didn't pay near enough attention. Of course there was no encouragement in his lecture that the rest of the teachers liked to give but that was Snape for you. Gloom Gloom Gloom. I wasn't complaining however. As long as he talked, I didn't feel compelled to talk to Kalinda. I wanted to apologize to her but I wasn't sure if I could or if she would even take it. As wrong as it seemed, I was hoping that upon hearing the news that she'd chuck Snape. Luckily, he carried on with his doom speech for most of the class period, until about five minutes til and then we were supposed to keep our mouths shut and review our notes and text. I took some of the opportunity to study Kalinda, who was using the time to sketch. She didn't seem angry towards me but she wasn't really making an effort to be friendly which is how it normally was anyway. I thought for a fleeting second that maybe she was oblivious to what had happened but something told me that she knew.

"So..." I started. "Er...Did you happen to talk to Snape since you've been back?"

She didn't even look up from that sketch book of hers which sort of irritated me. "Why?"

"Well...being as it was a couple of weeks..." I bit my lip. God, I was such a coward. "Sorry, that was sort of uncalled for. I was just wondering if he told you about anything specific that happened while you were gone."

"Such as?"

"I'm afraid..." I winced and looked back up at Snape. He was watching alright but he was just as unemotional as Kalinda was. "I went to see Snape Christmas and things sort of spiraled out of control. We snogged. Quite a bit actually, but the point is that it was all unintentional and I didn't go see him expecting to seduce him."

I waited for her response, which I was sure would be a slap or something equally violent. I would've deserved it. I was just hoping she'd go easy on me and not damage anything vital that would keep me from playing Quidditch next match.

I saw her jaw tighten and then she looked up at me finally. "Yes, he mentioned it. I'm glad you grew the balls to tell me. I mean if you're going to snog someone... that's attached, no point being a pussy about it," Kalinda said with an amused smirk as she turned back to her sketchbook.

Relief immediately flooded through my body but I knew it wasn't quite over yet.

"I really am sorry," I muttered. "It was a giant mistake anyway. I should've known better. I should've figured he would choose you over me."

"That baffles me... however, you shouldn't apologize, considering you're sorry because you got the short end of the stick, and not because you may have possibly betrayed me or caused me pain," Kalinda replied dryly.

"I'm not going to lie," I said. "But I did feel awfully guilty because you and him are together. You are still together aren't you?" I couldn't keep the hopeful edge out of my voice but I wasn't really all that great at being deceptive anyway.

"If together is what you'd call what we've had thus far, then yes, I suppose we are."

I nodded. Thankfully I wasn't harboring too much hope on that one. "So...are we good then? I mean, you don't totally hate me do you?"

"I told you, as long as you're honest with me, we're good," Kalinda said. She looked up from her sketch for a moment and then added thoughtfully, "Although, that doesn't give you the privilege of continuously trample over me. I do have my limit."

"Of course not," I said. I gave her a small smile. "I think I've learned my lesson anyway."

**TBC...**

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	8. Chapter 8

**Kalinda**

I continued to avoid the Great Hall and so continued neglecting food, in order to avoid Professor Bell who I hadn't even seen in the halls, much to my luck. As for Severus, he was surprisingly waiting patiently for me to come to him. I did one evening, but it was simply to tell him that the only condition that I had for him, was that from now on, that I will be the dominant one in our "relationship". That in the limited scope of time in which we would have sex, he'd wait until I came to him when I wanted it, and not the other way around. He didn't seem particularly pleased by this, however, he chose to clench his jaw shut and merely nod in response. I suppose he realized that he had no other choice considering it was either succumb to being the submissive one in our "relationship" or he could refuse and I'd simply chuck him.

I didn't have sex with him that night, considering I still couldn't get over what he had done to want him to be touching me. However, I did feel slightly better that it meant I could put him in his place even if it was only just a little. Unfortunately, that feeling didn't last long considering that DADA was steadily approaching and so to the inevitable confrontation with Professor Bell. What made things worse about that, was that since I hadn't eaten for several days, it was really starting to get to me. I was beginning to have trouble paying attention in my classes because my stomach kept growling as it ate itself. My head started to hurt in a very dull, but aggravating manner.

When the day of Defence class came around, I was walking at an extremely slow pace to class. Not solely because I dreaded being in her presence again, but also because my head was kind of spinning that I thought I just might collapse, not to mention my stomach was hurting so much because it was so empty. There were times that it hurt so much that I simply wanted to curl it, because I felt that I stood erect, it hurt more because my stomach felt as though it were being stretched out and its emptiness was harder to ignore... usually I had to curl around myself until the moment passed, and lord it was such a relief when it did.

As soon as I stepped into class, I tried to hold my head up straight and act as nothing ever happened, a task of some difficulty considering the fact that I was currently experiencing one of those moments when my stomach most ached, but I managed. Luckily, Professor Bell was preoccupied straightening out something on her desk, standing with her back to the class. As soon as I got to my table, I gingerly slipped into my seat, dropped my bag on the floor and immediately placed my head on the top of the table and wrapped my arms around my middle. My hair covered the sides of my face as it was loose today, and it was relief, because now I could scrunch up my eyes at the pain.

I suppose I was so focused on trying to will away the pain, that I didn't notice when class had started or what was going on around my surroundings. When I finally noticed, it seemed that class was half-way through and apparently Professor Bell was calling me to attention, something I would have noticed if someone hadn't elbowed me in my ribs. "What?" I snarled as I lifted my head only slightly and looked to the girl sitting next to me on my right. She motioned with her head to the front of the class. Slowly, I straightened in my seat and had to momentarily shut my eyes to stop the spinning in my head. When I opened them, I felt a very sharp pain reverberate through my head, but I ignored it as I looked questioningly at Professor Bell.

"You seem to be having trouble staying awake in class today, perhaps you should come and make a demonstration to keep you awake," Professor Bell said, not unkindly, but definitely with a ring of slight irritation in her stern, Professor tone. I had trouble, keeping my eyes focused on her and ignoring the pain in my head.

"I rather not," I said flatly, not because I was being disobedient or because I didn't want to be near her, but I thought my body was at the moment far too weakened to attempt any practical magic.

"I wasn't asking," Professor Bell responded as she motioned for me with her hand to come to the front of the class. By the tone she used and by the look on her face, she meant business. I sighed as I steadily got to my feet. For a moment, I felt as though the floor wobbled beneath me and I gripped the desk in order to steady myself. I don't think anyone noticed as soon I slowly made my way to the front of the class, trying to keep my sight steady on the point I was approaching.

It's not as easy as all that. Half-way up the aisle, my head really started playing tricks on me. The light seemed to go out for a millisecond before burning bright, which really did a number on my balance. I paused and shut my eyes, wobbling on my feet and having to grab onto the nearest desk. For a moment, I raised a hand to my head, as though holding it would stop its constant spinning. I heard Professor Bell call my name in a questioning tone, but her voice sounded miles away. I could hear footsteps coming up the middle aisle and looked up quickly to see what it was. HUGE mistake.

The quick movement of my head set off the spinning all the more, and my grasp on the desk slipped as my eyes once more blacked out and I could feel myself falling. I could hear a couple gasps before my consciousness slipped away into total darkness. I suppose I must've passed out because when I came to, someone was holding me in their arms and was passing a piece of cloth over my nose. As I slowly regained consciousness, I wasn't aware what it was, but only that it had a strong smell and made my nose sting, so I turned my head to try to get away from it, but the scent seemed to persist and followed me.

I didn't want to open my eyes though and I couldn't exactly think straight for a couple seconds, I was only aware that my lower back and legs were laid out against something hard. I could feel my upper half raised slightly and my head lolling against something slightly slim. On my right side I felt myself tightly against something warm and soft and feel something grasping onto my right arm tightly. I groaned at the smell and turned my head to my right and pressed into something soft, which smelled rather lovely, like freshly cleaned laundry, with hints of something flowery.

I wanted to sleep and be lulled to sleep, but I could hear someone calling my name. Slowly, I turned my head once more and slowly opened my eyes. The light stung them for a few seconds, but when I fully opened them, I could see that Professor Bell was holding me in her arms, and that we were on the ground and Calla was standing looking over us, looking rather sick. I thought that she might pass out any moment and somehow managed to raise a brow as I looked at her, when the sudden realization of who was holding me, started to make my heart pound.

Immediately, I tried to sit up and get out of her grasp, but Professor Bell didn't relinquish her hold on me. "Slowly, Kali, don't move quickly, you could fall again," she said as she aided me to sit right. I momentarily forgot about the fact that she held onto me, as I sat and held my head in my hands. My head still hurt, and all my hunger pains were slowly returning. I heard my stomach suddenly rumble very loudly and felt my cheeks burn slightly at the sound.

When I opened my eyes again, I refused to look at Professor Bell or Calla and turned to look around the class, only then remembering we'd been having class and wondering just how many people were staring at me with owlish eyes and gossiping about what happened. I was rather startled when I found that the classroom was empty of my classmates. "Where is everyone?" I asked as I slowly turned to look at Professor Bell and attempted to once more get out of her grasp.

She still held onto me. "I dismissed them all, I asked Calla to get the alcohol in my desk drawer," she said as she then turned to look at Calla. "Calla, are you alright?" she asked as she furrowed her brow in concern. Slowly I turned my gaze to look at Calla, who looked like she was about to pass out herself. She was extremely pale as she stared at us with her eyes open wide and filled with horror. In response to Professor Bell, she merely nodded her head. "Well then you're free to leave, thank you for retrieving the alcohol from my desk," she said, to which Calla merely nodded and turned to go.

I raised a brow from where I sat, propped up, wondering what the hell was wrong with Calla. Considering she had seen grisly injuries due to the fact that she played Quidditch, I was rather confused as to why she looked so sickened when I only fainted. "What's wrong with her?" I asked Professor Bell when Calla was out of earshot and closed the door behind herself. She walked like a zombie.

"I'm not sure, she seemed kind of freaked out when you fainted. When I dismissed everyone, she seemed unable to get out of her seat. Since she remained behind, I asked her, loudly and various amounts of times to get her to snap out of it, to retrieve the alcohol bottle in my top drawer. I thought she might faint herself or regurgitate," Professor Bell said as she continued to watch the door with a furrowed brow as though her thoughts were still on Calla and wondering if whether or not she would really be all right.

For a moment, I watched Professor Bell, wondering why she had dismissed the entire class simply because I fainted. However, when she suddenly turned her concerned gaze back to me, I felt my breath caught in my throat and wondering if my blush was starting to show. "Kali, are you alright? Why did you faint?" she asked as she stared at me with her big blue eyes.

I had to look away from her, and when I saw her hand still on my arm, while her arm was wrapped around me, I tried to get away once more. "I'm fine. I just got a little dizzy. I haven't really been eating well, I suppose," I said as I finally managed to get away from her arm and started getting to my feet. It wasn't working out very well, I stumbled and almost fell, however, Professor Bell who was standing behind me placed a hand on either side of my waist and held it and helped me get on my feet, stabilizing my seemingly precarious balance. "Thanks," I muttered as I got away from her hands as quickly as I could and grabbed onto the desk before me for support before dusting myself off, thankful for my long dark hair and its cloaking abilities. I was sure that by now, my embarrassed blush would be hard to miss despite the color of my skin.

"You haven't been eating? Why?" Professor Bell asked sounding both surprised and worried. I turned and looked at her briefly with a furrowed brow, I'd expected the second question, but certainly not the first. Then it dawned on me that she must've been avoiding the Great Hall as well. I turned away from her and shut my eyes tight at the sudden wave of annoyance why I yelled my brains out internal, I'd starved myself for absolutely not reason?! She hadn't even gone to the Great Hall! I could have been eating and avoided this whole situation! "Is it... is it because of me? Cause you wanted to ... avoid me?"

I turned to look at her with a frown, not able to lie to her and say she had nothing to do with it, and I suppose she took that for a yes as her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed. Did she really not think much of the incident? Or was I simply just that insignificant that she thought nothing of it? I turned my eyes away, I wanted the earth to swallow me whole. "Kali, I'm so sorry. Honestly, I'm not sure what happened that ... night but I'm sorry I didn't handle it well. I shouldn't have left without saying anything-"

"That's ok, I really rather not-"

"No Kali, this is all my fault," she said, causing me to turn to look at her with a puzzled look. However, she didn't see it as she turned away and started wringing her hands as she walked. "You see... It was all my fault, I wasn't thinking and it's just an innocent New Year's tradition... but I'm your teacher and it was inappropriate to kiss you and I was just so embarrassed with what you'd think that I returned to school to get my head together. I had every intention of talking to you about it, but I wasn't sure how to explain it or talk to you about it or what to say," she said in a rush that I hardly understood what she was saying before she turned around and marched towards me and grabbed my hands in hers causing my face to flush. "I'm sorry. Please forgive... I honestly didn't mean to kiss you and make it all the more uncomfortable by running off. I-"

I stared at her with widened eyes. She thought... that she was the one that kissed me? And she was agonizing about what I thought about it? I almost wanted to laugh hysterically at the situation because I had been agonizing over something that didn't really seem to be my fault. However... I was also kind of saddened as I realized what this meant. It meant that she thought it was an innocent kiss that she had initiated, which meant she had no idea how I felt for her.

I almost felt it would have been easier that way because at least then, she would know and I wouldn't have to hide behind a mask. At least then she could treat me in the way that she would treat any other student who probably had a crush on her and I wouldn't have to fret everything she was near. I looked away from her, feeling extremely tired all of a sudden.

This past couple years felt like emotional hell to me. I felt like I was in a whirpool of emotions that I couldn't free myself of. I felt like my emotions switched gears every couple seconds and I hated it. Between my first, Snape, Calla, Bell... they were all ripping who I was to tatters and I longed for the days that my life was so much more fucking simple, before falling in love, before desiring to feel wanted, before feeling betrayed, before feeling like I needed just anyone around, before feeling anguish that no one loved me... I wanted things to go back to how they were before all of it. Sure, I had been lonely and desired someone's company deep down in my heart, but at least I was emotionally stable. I learned to deal with being alone. THIS, whatever this was, I loathed. Was I always so moody? Had I always had these mood-swings?

In the course of one interview I had gone from horror and discomfort, to embarrassment, to relief and to disappointment and anguish! It was fucking sickening. I didn't like who I was fucking becoming. I wanted to be numb and feel nothing again and not have to pretend that I was numb or fine. "I have to go, and don't worry about everything... it's all cleared up now," I said as I grabbed my things. For the moment, I forgot about my physical pains and just wanted to get the hell out of there.

**Calla**

The conversation I had with Kalinda made me feel loads better but I still felt more than a little guilty about the whole thing. Everything seemed to be back to normal. I was playing Quidditch again and I had never had so much fun doing so. Anton seemed to lighten everything up. His jokes and antics kept us all laughing, even Tara who was usually so serious about the sport laughed with the rest of us. We were all at ease and comfortable enough in our own skin for once. We even won our next match which secured us a place in the Cup game. In the end, Slytherin beat us out for the Cup but not even Tara could be surly about it. We had fun trying, more fun than we'd ever had before and she went all sappy on us and told us that's all that really mattered.

In between numerous practices (the field was free more often now that Ravenclaw and Gryffindor were out of the running), I studied. In fact, that's all I did. I studied. At the beginning of the year, the prospect of the N.E.W.T's seemed like a lifetime away but now it was bearing down on us like a tornado and there really was no escaping it. It really was stressful but the fifth years seemed to be more freaked out than us but then again, we'd been through the O.W.L's and had somehow figured out a way to manage. I was bound and determined to at least pass the damn tests even though I had no idea what the fuck I was going to do afterwards. I wanted to be a Healer but I had figured out I didn't do well with sick people at all. Upon realizing this, I felt a bit depressed and more than a little lost because I had spent most of my school career, if not all of it, striving to be a Healer. I felt like I was going through some sort of mid-life crisis. I had written my parents and they were not helpful at all. They kept feeding me those bullshit lines about how they didn't care about what I did just as long I was happy. Having supportive parents was great and all but sometimes I needed a little guidance and their free loving supportive hippie nonsense did not give me that. It was entirely way too late to undergo career counseling again. Back then I had been so sure. It never occurred to me that I might change my mind.

There was one person I was sure could give me a little insight. Snape was young enough to have played the game. He knew better than anyone else of what opportunities awaited because I'm sure he had to struggle with some sort of decision at one point in the not so distant past. He was only about five years older than me. I just couldn't ask him. I couldn't even hardly bring myself to look at him anymore. When I did, the only thing that my mind could process was the memory of Christmas and I wanted so desperately to forget it entirely.

I knew that Snape wanted to forget it too. I knew he wanted to forget about me and to not feel like he did about me anymore but it showed through anyway in huge but not so obvious ways. For one, he didn't go out of his way to bully me but at the same time he didn't ignore me. If I asked a question or had an answer to a question he asked in class, he didn't blow me off. If one of my essays weren't quite one hundred percent, instead of mocking my stupidity, he would circle a statement or a misspelled word and give me a correction on the margin. It touched me and made me feel hideously sentimental which was torture on a whole new level. He couldn't rightly be openly affectionate toward me even if he had that capability. I think, more than anything, he just felt guilty about stringing me along for a few moments before dropping the yarn ball. That gave me a little bit of hope.

I guess shit really hit the fan on one sunny warm May day. I was sitting in Potion's, brewing a very complex potion that I was having a horrible time with. The potion had too many directions for me to keep up with and I kept having to backtrack and figure out where I'd fucked it up at before I screwed it up completely. Snape had been assigning us increasingly difficult potions and I'd never before had too many problems but on that particular day, I was just flustered and a wreck. I kept asking myself as I seemed to mess up more why on earth this was really all that important especially since I wasn't going to be a Healer. Even Snape seemed to notice my frustration, it had gotten that bad.

"You need to not get so worked up, Bigsby," he said from his desk, frowning. I just ignored him and kept at what I was doing, cursing under my breath the whole time. As I tried my hardest to concentrate on my potion, the more my mind began to slip. I kept thinking about how shitty the year had been. I kept thinking about how every day went by, the more I wanted Snape more than anything. I kept thinking about how maybe I could make a career out of Quidditch but how I just didn't want to have to do that. Most of all I kept thinking about what a huge waste of time even being at school was.

"SHIT!" My cauldron started to over boil and before I could stop it, it began to slop over the edges in great gobs of electric pink, which I'm pretty sure no potion should ever turn that shade of pink. The burner beneath the cauldron was hit and suddenly the whole damn thing went up into flames. Luckily, I was able to extinguish it fairly easy but the sad fact was that it had not gone unnoticed and my potion was absolutely ruined. There was no putting it right. My eyes filled with tears as peals of laughter began to ripple throughout the dungeon. I dropped my ladle and hurried out of the classroom before any one could witness me crying out of embarrassment and frustration. I started off towards my dorm, knowing what needed to be done.

"Bigsby!"

I turned around to find Snape hurrying after me. I'm not sure why I didn't just ignore him, but I felt obligated to stop.

"What?" I snarled. "Come to tell me what a terrible display that was back there? Come to tell me how stupid I was? Going to tell me what I did wrong?"

"No," he said slowly and warily. "I was merely going to suggest that you get back there and try again. You weren't too far behind before the potion exploded."

"And what would the point be, Professor?"

"What do you mean what would the point be?" Snape looked disgusted.

"There is no point! I don't belong here. I can't live like this anymore." He didn't say anything; he just stared at me like he didn't understand. I sighed. "I'm leaving."

"Leaving?"

"Yes, leaving. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't even know what I want to be after I leave school, so it's probably best that I just leave and explore my other options because it's plain as day to me that all my training here has been for practically nothing."

Snape looked crestfallen at first but then within a split second, he'd straightened out and his face hardened into the scowl that I usually associated with getting an ass chewing.

"I think you're being foolish. I think you should calm down and think things through before you make any rash decisions that would most certainly ruin your future."

It was my turn to scowl. "It's not a rash decision. I've been thinking about it for months. All I've ever strived to be is a Healer. And then Kalinda fainted that day in class and I went mental. It scared me. I thought she was dead. It just sort of clicked. If some one who just fainted could send me into a state, how would I react to more gruesome situations?"

"So you aren't cut out to be part of the medical field. If you go through with your N.E.W.T's, there are plenty of other options out there waiting for you."

"You don't understand."

"I understand perfectly well that you're being immature. I've got news for you, Calla. Life isn't one hundred percent predictable and if you throw a fit everytime something happens that throws you for a loop, you might as well just lock yourself inside your little hidey hole and never come out!"

"Like you?" I answered quietly and dangerously. I probably shouldn't have said it but it was the truth. Snape just stood there for a moment before replying, looking as though he himself couldn't believe I'd gone that far.

"Fine," he said stiffly. "If you want to be completely stupid, I'm not going to stop you. But don't say I didn't tell you so."

And with that, he turned and stalked off, leaving me feeling more dreadful than I ever had in my entire life. I wanted to chase after him and tell him that I was sorry, that I would stay for his sake but I couldn't let him get in the last word like that. So, I went to my dorm, packed my belongings and left without so much as a word to anyone else. Once I was outside of the castle walls, I took a deep breath of fresh air. It was time to finally start life.

**Kalinda**

In the days and weeks that followed, I tried to numb myself to everything. I even started pulling away from everyone except Severus, who I only turned to for the things I needed physically, returning things to normal. He didn't even bother to ask about my fainting incident, if he was even aware of it. And to me, that was just fine because I didn't feel like explaining to him why I wasn't eating and I sure as fuck didn't need him telling me that I couldn't be malnourishing myself. I was a fucking adult and could do whatever the fuck I wanted and I wasn't going to allow some fucking man to tell me what I had to do otherwise.

I focused on eating and school work. I even started to talk less to Calla and just focused on my work and my sketchbook. As NEWTs drew near, I began to focus even more on my studies and by that I mean on my homework and class work, because I really don't study. The more NEWTs neared, the less time I wanted to spare for Severus. It got to the point where he actually dragged me into his office one night because I hadn't been by to see him in over two weeks and he was pissed about it. I told him to fuck off, because my studies at the moment were more important than just fucking. Well I didn't put it quite so rudely, but that was the gist of it. I suppose that was unfair, because what I was really doing when I should have been studying, was messing with my sketchbook, but honestly that does tend to help me with my memorization skills and helps me relax, which is just as important and in my opinion more important than cramming.

One day in Potions, I took the shock of my life when Calla had a breakdown all because she had fucked up her Potion. Granted it was a really hard Potion, and its not like she was the first one to have a breakdown because of NEWTs coming up, but I was surprised that Calla of all people would freak out.

Not to say that she was the worst student, but I didn't think she took her studies that seriously; hell I didn't even take my studies very seriously, I was actually pretty laid back with them for the most part. Hell, I even tended to procrastinate on big projects that were worth great percentages of our overall grade until the very last moment and then I would freak out and work on something that was really pretty half-assed and turn it in and get high marks. At times even higher marks that those who slaved over them for countless hours.

What surprised me most was that, when it came to Potions, Calla was really, pretty damn good at them. I could see that she was having a hard time of it, and I would've offered her my help, but the Potion really was that hard that it required absolutely ALL your attention and I could not spare to help her with hers or I would risk fucking up my own. When her Potion almost literally went up in flames, I looked at her with my brows furrowed and watched as the tears welled in her eyes as everyone started laughing. I vaguely wondered when the hell she had gotten so sensitive. Before I could tell her why she even gave a fuck what these jackasses thought of her, she took off running.

My sympathy and concern for her lasted about as long as it took Severus to run after Calla and left us all in class alone. That simply annoyed me and guessed if Snape cared so much about it, then I didn't have to bother worrying and could just get back to my potion and get it finished before class ended. When Snape returned several minutes later, I pretended not to take notice and merely finished my Potion and at the end of class, I was further vexed when Snape asked me to stay after class because I just knew this was going to have something to do with Calla's freak out.

"Yes, Professor?" I asked, my tone tinged with annoyance, as I adjusted the strap of my bag as the last of my classmates exited.

"You need to talk to your childish friend right now before she does something stupid," he snapped as he looked up at me and glared, though I knew it wasn't me he was angry at and that the glare really wasn't about me. I raised a brow at him questioningly. "She's threatening to leave the school. I tried to stop her, but she won't listen to me. As you two are such good friends, maybe she'll actually listen to you."

I didn't much appreciate his tone, however, I frowned. I felt disappointed and sad. "She's leaving?" I asked, not able to hide it. Things with Calla may have gotten uncomfortable and a little strained because of Snape, and I may have not been attentive with her lately, but it's not like I didn't want her around. I liked Calla, with all her defects. She was the closest thing I had to a friend and I didn't want her to leave. "Is this your fault? What the fuck did you do to her now?" I accused loudly, glaring at him.

He crossed his arms over his chest. "NO! She spewed something or other about wanting to explore her options and just wasting her time here. That it wasn't a rash decision," he said with a huff of air, skeptically. I stared at him thoughtfully. I could imagine Calla saying all that and imagined that it did rather sound like she'd say something about that and actually mean it. But I also had a feeling that she was leaving because of Snape. I don't think she ever got over Snape and him choosing me because I didn't mind having sex.

I would have traded everything I had with Snape, so Calla just would have stayed. I was actually sad that she was leaving and I envied her the courage to leave the school. I really desperately wanted to leave, I didn't really care all that much about NEWTs as I had no idea what I wanted to do or what I was really going to need and use in the future, but I just couldn't bare the thought of quitting. What if I did end up needing the NEWTs? What was the point of quitting now when I was so close to finishing?

"No," I said, without realizing I said it.

"What do you mean no?" he asked threateningly causing my eyes to focus on him.

"NO, I'm not going to talk to Calla about it because even if she hasn't left yet, she isn't going to listen to me even if we're friends. Besides Calla's a big girl, she's old enough to know what she's doing and frankly, it's her life, she can do what she wants with it and she wouldn't appreciate me telling her how to live it. I certainly wouldn't," I said passionately, trying to stand by Calla's decision and thinking Snape should stick his big nose out of it. My philosophy of life was pretty much live and let live.

Therefore I merely turned on my heel and headed towards the classroom door and opened it. However, I stopped and turned to look at where he sat, seething because he couldn't get his way. "Oh, by the way. I'm glad you are oh-so-concerned about Calla's future when you can't show even the slightest interest in mine, seeing as you never have so much as even asked me what I'm planning to do with my life after Hogwarts. Its good to see you can actually muster to care about anything," I said coldly, before turning and slamming the door behind me.

**TBC...**

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry folks. I meant to update yesterday but I got distracted by playing Sims and then cleaning up my yard and locating various pieces of my property that got blown away during a storm on Monday that also brought down large chunks of tree everywhere. 90 MPH winds (plus) a plastic swimming pool (equals)Well, I never found it. Probably never will. My son got to use it ONCE. Figures, right? **

**But as always, read and review. And thank you to those few who take the time to review every chapter. You, my dears, is what gives us the drive to keep writing. **

**~Eyesuhkattspeleeng**


	9. Chapter 9

**Kalinda**

After Calla was gone, all the progress I had made to numbing myself all went to hell. I was so pissed at Snape, that for several days after the fact, I couldn't even bare to look at him. I was angry at Calla for abandoning me in this hell hole all by myself and resented her freedom, but more than anything terribly missed her off-center humor and personality.

What made things worse was that Professor Bell was suffering. I could see the signs of it. The red-rimmed eyes, the dark bags under them from lack of sleep, the loss of weight, the lack of concentration, the easy irritability... I didn't know the details of it but her relationship with Able seemed to be going up in flames and burning her badly. I thought that she was going to have an emotional breakdown and desired to help her, but she could barely stand to look at me. I suppose because I was such a reminder of my arsehole brother. Besides, I didn't think I could bare face her and try to help her when it was my very own flesh and blood that was hurting her like this.

So I tried to be invisible. And if I had to be around Snape, we both seemed to ignore whatever happened that day Calla had left Hogwarts. OWLs and NEWTs took about two weeks, in the beginning of June. During those weeks of exams, I spent every night in Severus' bed to relieve the stress, and actually slept there the whole night. It helped me relax and get a good nights rest so I woke refreshed for when I had to take my tests.

It was odd actually, because after sex, before we went to sleep, Snape would ask me how my day had gone and about my tests and what I thought my scores would be. However, I tried not to think much of this, or to give myself false illusions at his sudden interest in me. I pained me to know what really, he didn't care about me and I was counting the days for when I was finished with school. I may have not had any real idea of what I wanted to do, but I knew well enough that I wanted to get away from him and what I felt for him and what he made me feel towards myself.

Then one night, when I had taken my last NEWTs, after we had just finished having sex, he asked me something that startled the piss out of me but really shouldn't have been unexpected. "So... now that you're almost finished with school... what are you going to do afterwards?" he asked as he looked at me. I was surprised by the question and sat up, pulling the sheet around my nude body.

"Why?" I asked, gazing down at him in confusion at his sudden interest. He was laying back, with his arms crossed under his head. The sheet was hanging low on his slim hips and his pasty white skin had a light sheen of sweat covering it. He shrugged his shoulders despite the position he was in and continued to stare at the ceiling as his breathing became steadily more regulated.

"Just curious. Its not like I know as I wasn't the one you had your career advice meeting with," he said simply, almost quietly in the mild darkness of his room. I nodded, guessing he had a point. When I was a fifth year, Professor Slughorn had still been teaching and I had my meeting with him. I had never thought much of Slughorn, though he wasn't a bad teacher I suppose. He was certainly a bit more lenient and made class less mechanical than it was with Snape as a teacher.

"I'm not sure. The only things I really care for... well they don't make much of a career, at least not a well-paid one. I don't particularly want to be a starving artist or starving writer and I really don't care for anything else, and I don't want to take a job I'm going to hate, even if its well-paid," I said with a shrug of my shoulders as I leaned forward and hugged my knees. If I didn't have such long hair, and if it weren't for the darkness, I would have been slightly bashful about exposing my entire backside for him, but given those conditions were set, I didn't worry about it.

"Then, what are you going to do when you leave the school?" he asked, and I could tell by the tone of his voice, that he was probably raising a brow at me.

I shrugged my shoulders and I could feel that he was watching me intently. "Not sure yet."

"Aren't you in the least concerned?" he asked.

"I have plenty of time to become concerned, I'm not particularly concerned right now," I replied as I slowly turned to look at him, and he was giving me this look like he thought I was an idiot. "My cousins have invited me to visit for the summer. I figured I could spend the summer traveling the world, I have an uncle who has a home on like EVERY continent and I'm sure he wouldn't mind me spending a couple days in each. If the summer ends and I'm not sure what to do with my life yet, I could always work part time in my dad's shop until I do figure it out."

He looked at me as though he hadn't expected any of this from me and I almost had a feeling that... he envied me or something. "Well, sounds like you've thought about this more than you want to acknowledge," he said as he rose slowly and turned his back to me, pulling on his boxers as I watched him with confusion.

"What's your problem?" I asked as I watched him slip on the long sleeved, black shirt he had been wearing and started buttoning it up.

"I don't have a problem," he said with a tone that said he did as he got up and finished buttoning his shirt while he headed to the washroom. "So where do I stand in all your future plans?" he asked from the washroom with irony in his tone. I rolled my eyes at this. For fuckbuddies, who were supposed to be all about the sex and no drama, our relationship had become pretty damn near something normal. It was like a formal relationship without any of the benefits, such as understanding, love and actually going out and knowing each others family and friends.

I could see that this wasn't going to end well and as I heard him turn the shower on in the bathroom, I disentangled my legs from his sheets and slung off the side of the bed. I reached for my skirt and slipped my legs in before standing up and pulling it all the way up and buttoning it. " I don't know what you want me to say about that," I said as I reached for my bra and quickly put in on before throwing on my shirt and starting to button it. I only got a few things buttoned before I reached for my tie and slipped on over my head as I hadn't completely undid it to take it off.

His door swung open and made me jump as I turned to look at him. I could only see his outline as the light from the bathroom seemed brighter than his rooms. "I mean when you leave, what's going to happen to us?" He growled as he looked at me. I frowned and turned away as I finished buttoning my shirt. Was he really asking? Surely he knew that this moment was going to come? What did he expect me to do?

"I thought... we'd go our separate ways. This isn't a real relationship, and even if it was, it wouldn't be able to withstand the distance that will be between us from now on," I murmured softly in the dark, feeling uncomfortable with this conversation, but it was unavoidable.

"What do you mean this isn't a real relationship? We sleep together, you stay over, I ask you when you're here about your day, I know everything about you-"

I whirled around at this my hands freezing on the button of my shirt. There were only two left to button at the top, but I never buttoned those. "Excuse me?" I said incredulously as I stared at him with mild indignation. "You do NOT know everything about me. What you know about me barely scratches the surface. And I don't know anything at all about you, other than your name and occupation. That doesn't constitute a real relationship and you, you don't love me much less care about me."

"Oh and you care about me?" he asked, with venom in his tone and that was it, that was all I could take. I snapped.

"How could you even ask me that?! Are you blind, or are you stupid?! Or are you just that emotionally out of tune with the world?! Of course I care about you, I fucking LOVED you! Why else would I agree to this sordid excuse for a relationship? I'm not as morally bankrupt as you are! I accepted it, because I didn't care in what capacity I had you, as long as you were there, as long as I could have you in my life and believe even if it was just a little bit that you cared about me! But I just can't do it anymore! I didn't know there was someone in the world that could make me hate myself more than I did, but you did it! You've turned me into something I hate and sometimes I really can't stand to look myself in the mirror and see what a hypocrite you've made of me! You made me, just like them!" I yelled, pointing towards the door as tears welled in my eyes. "You've made me into just another fucking liar, another pretender, another fucking Slytherin that does whatever it takes to get what they want, even if its fucking deplorable!

"Since you've taken over my life, I've had to pretend that I don't love you. I've had to pretend that I'm with you just because I enjoy the sex. I've had to pretend that sex to me is nothing more than physical pleasure, that it really means nothing more. I have to act like when we're done having sex, that it doesn't hurt me to pick up my clothes and leave; that I don't feel like it's the tattered remains of my dignity that I'm picking off the floor. It's hard to ignore and put on a facade that it doesn't affect me the fact that you don't give a shit about me. It's hard pretend that I'm not dying inside because for some reason you seem to genuinely care for Calla and not for me and that I'm not dying to ask you why you care so much about her and not about me. And I hate myself because she's my friend and I can't help thinking, what the fuck is so special about her?

"And what's worse, is that you're not the cause for all of it," I said, my voice cracking and forcing me to look away because I just couldn't bare to see the way he was looking at me. "What's worse is that I'm the one to blame, for allowing it in the first place; for not being honest from the beginning; for not sending you to hell when you first kissed Calla. I should have, even though you weren't really to blame and I fucking loathe myself for it because even if you were the most wonderful special man in the world, you wouldn't be worth me hating myself because of you. No guy is worth that," I said, as I shut my eyes and a few tears slid down my cheeks. I inhaled deeply and turned my gaze to him. "I'm just fucking done with this," I muttered, feeling exhausted for the torrent of shit I just finally got off my chest.

Severus didn't say anything or even moved to stop me as I left. I'm not sure it it was because he was stunned to silence, or it was simply because he really didn't care, but I didn't feel like staying to figure it out. When I left his private quarters, I didn't bother heading towards the dorm. Instead, I found myself wandering out onto the grounds. When I stepped out, it was storming, raining hard.

I gasped when I turned my head and looked towards the sky and felt my bare feet step onto the wet and squishy grass. It sounded like a cross between a sigh of relief and a whimper from a wounded animal as I closed my eyes and just felt the rain on my skin. It was dark out, and I didn't care that I had forgotten my robes, panties, shoes and socks and school bag in Snape's rooms. I just didn't care for any of it. I was surprised at how fucking relieved I felt. I felt like I was fucking free and I started to laugh and cry as I walked out on the grounds with my arms limp at my side and my head turned to look so far back that I swear my neck was going to snap from the weight of my now soaked, long locks of hair.

I'm not sure how long I was standing there. I felt so light, so ... happy. It was odd, but ending things with Snape and telling him what all was on my mind for so long made me feel like I had been born again and like everything we had been through was from a past life. I'm not sure why... and the rain, it made me feel clean and pure... like I was myself again and not whatever Snape had made of me or rather what I allowed him to make of me.

At some point, I got tired of standing and merely sat down, cross-legged while making sure my skirt was covering me well considering I hadn't put on my underwear. I'm not sure what time it was, but I just allowed the rain to pour over me and let out all the tears I'd held back over the past two years until I felt empty and lay down on my back and placed my hands underneath the back of my head. I didn't care that I was drenched to my bones, and was thankful that it was summer and that despite the rain, it was barely all that cool.

By the time the rain completely let up, I could see that the sky was beginning to lighten. I sat up and watched without thinking and without feeling much of anything as the sky continually lightened from deep purple to lighter tints of blue. Before long, I could see the sky was pale blue and where the sun was just peering over the horizon and the sky was a canvas of beautiful red, yellows and pink that seemed to blend into one another and slowly stretch out over the sky, tinting the clouds. I was so lost in the sight before me, that I hardly noticed anything else.

"Kali? What are you doing here? You're all soaked!" I instantly recognized the voice of Professor Bell and the concern in it. I could feel her presence slightly behind me, no more than two feet and a little off to my right. However, I didn't feel any of the numbness or anguish I felt whenever I was usually around her. I felt so utterly calm and serene and I didn't bother to gaze away from the sunrise. It was going to be a bright sunny day and I thought it was fitting considering that it was one of the last I would spend at the castle.

"Its so beautiful, the world is all green and lush. I can't believe I was so caught up in trivial matters that I completely missed the change of season until now," I whispered reverently as I slowly turned and smiled at her. She still looked pale and sickly, and her beautiful eyes momentarily gazed at me in concern before her facial expression softened and she smiled at me.

"Kali? I don't believe I've ever seen you look so... peaceful, and not like some hidden storm is raging beneath your seemingly serene and calm surface," she said, and she looked genuinely happy for me. I stared at her in awe... in one simple expression she managed to convey just how far deeply she was able to see into me and I felt my heart beat a little frantically. I felt a tinge of pink cross my cheeks.

Her gaze flitted to look at the sky and for a moment, my gaze saddened as I saw the toll her love for my brother had taken on her. But to me she was still beautiful. Slowly, I got to my feet and stood next to her. "I heard you were resigning when the year was over. Do you mind if I ask why?" I asked, averting my gaze. I heard the rumors a few days ago, but I hadn't wanted to think about it because I had enough with my studies to deal with. Besides, it really didn't affect me considering it was my last year.

"I just... I need to get out of England for an intermittent amount of time," she replied simply as I looked up. She looked away, and in her gaze I knew why she felt desperately the need to get away from the entire Island.

I wanted to tell her that I loved her and that she deserved better, but I knew that it would just make her uncomfortable so I settled for just offering her a few words. "Professor Bell?" I said, to get her attention. She slowly turned to look at me, and her eyes were almost dead, with so very little of the light in them that I so loved. "I'm guessing that you and my brother didn't work out. I don't know why, but... believe me, he's my brother and I love him, but he's not worth it. You deserve someone who truly loves you, someone who only wants to make you happy, someone who will write poetry, or love songs about you and what they feel for you. You deserve the kind of love most people only dream about because you're so wonderful and I know you'll find that person, whoever they may be," I said gently, trying to put all the love and adoration I felt for her into words without actually telling her that that was how I felt about her and then I hugged her, momentarily forgetting I was soaked and would wet her.

It was brief, and when I pulled away, I saw her stunned look. I smiled bashfully at her at the words that I said and apologized for wetting her before taking off for the Slytherin dorm. After showering and changing clothes, I lay down to sleep, as I had not slept in near to or over twenty-four hours. When I awoke it was evening and I didn't bother to get out of bed and merely sat there, writing in Andaleeb. The following day was an uneventful blur in which I didn't have to see either Severus or Bell.

That night, in the common room, the Slytherin seventh years had a get together as it was our last night in the school. It could hardly be called a party, but there was music, beverages and refreshments and some people were laughing and dancing, while others just talked or played games. Being as I had hardly ever talked to anyone in my House over the years, I ducked out of the common room.

Something very few Slytherins know of, is that there is a hidden door behind a tapestry in the room that led into a small chamber where there was a couch, two chairs and a simple leather chaise in the room all surrounding a small coffee table. It was my favorite room in all the castle and whenever I could, I'd sneak in there and lay on the chaise and stare up at the ceiling. You see what was so special of this small room with virtually no decoration or furniture was that its ceiling was made of something like glass, only it wasn't glass. It looked more like the surface of a bubble, but a million times tougher than the hardest glass. I mean it had to be, in order to withstand cracking form the pressure of the lake. Not just that, but it illuminated the lake immediately surrounding the ceiling, so you could actually gaze up through it and see some of the creatures that lived there, no matter how dark the night or deep under the lake we were.

Slytherin's who knew of it, had named it over the centuries, the Emerald Room, because the light of ceiling and the lake water, made the room green, greener even than our common room. When I slipped in there, I wasn't surprised to see someone was sitting in one of the cushy armchairs. When I walked in, the dark haired boy turned to look at me. "Well if it isn't Kalinda Allen. Don't think I've talked to you in years," the boy smirked, though not maliciously as I strolled into the room and took up the chaise, lounging back and staring at the ceiling, curling my right arm back to lazily play with strands of my hair.

"Henry Bishop, I thought you forgot I existed," I said as I stared up at the ceiling, at last feeling the nostalgia that all other seventh years, but me, had been feeling now that we were done with school. I thought back over the years. Henry Bishop had been the one Slytherin I'd have considered a friend, up to about our third year when he became part of the Quidditch team and suddenly he was too cool for me and we slowly drifted apart. He played Seeker since then, which explained his physique, lithe with lean muscles. His back wasn't that broad, but it wasn't small either. And despite being seeker, he was rather tall. He had short black hair that he combed back and aristocratic black brows. He had a handsome face and a medium sized beauty mark on his right cheek, that didn't really detract from his attractiveness.

Henry snorted at this. "Forget you? Never! Matter of fact, it's the other way around. I join the team and all of sudden it was like you loathed my guts," he said, but his tone remained good-natured. I rolled my eyes at him. Henry, despite being a Slytherin and becoming super popular and eventually becoming team captain in our fifth year, was a pretty decent guy. Very gentlemanly towards all the girls, the kind of guy that opens doors and pulls out chairs for you. He wasn't dumb either, but neither was he the kind of guy to go out of his own way to keep in touch or to make new friends, or to have high scores or to get anyone's approval. He was also a little cocky and arrogant, but not obnoxiously so. "You shouldn't have abandoned me like that Kali-girl, you broke my heart," he said and as I looked over at him he placed his hand over his heart and gave me this sad puppy look before bursting into a grin and snickering. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention he's a bit of a clown and has a certain flair for the dramatic?

"Haha, very funny. And yes, I suppose I did kind of abandon you, but being as you rose through the ranks and practically became the king of Slytherin, it was just as well. Don't think just because I didn't speak to you, that I didn't hear about how jealous the three or four girlfriends you had were. They would have wanted to rip my head off if I so much as talked to you, even if you explained to them we were just friends," I said. Henry wasn't a womanizer. He wasn't the cheating type. He was the kind of guy girls go crazy about, and defend like psycho bitches. Besides, he was going places, so it was no wonder girls went psycho. However, Henry didn't have a high tolerance for the controlling, manipulative, or out-of-control jealous types. He chucked them without hesitation if they were too problematic.

"Oh, so you did notice me. I'm touched," he said, before snickering again. I rolled my eyes. Sometimes he just played too much. "But in all seriousness Kali, I did have the hugest crush on you when we were kids. If I'd have known becoming part of the team would cost me your friendship, I would have never joined."

"You're so full of shit, Henry," I said as I stared at the ceiling. He didn't say anything to that and merely sighed.

"Fine, don't believe me. Anyway, what are you going to do, now we're done with school?"

I merely shrugged, wondering why I found it so easy to talk to him considering we hadn't really spoken to each other the last several years. "I'm not sure yet. I'm going to travel in the summer, and then we'll see," I said as I looked over at him, eyeing him curiously. "You?"

He smiled, that smile that made most girls go weak in the knees. It was cute, but soft in that sensitive-guy kind of way as he shrugged, his dark eyes almost saddening. "You know my parents had that decided for me for years. Starting this summer I'll be interning at the Ministry of Magic," he said with a genuinely frustrated sigh as he looked away. "I wish I could travel the world like you instead," he said as he looked at me with another sad smile.

"You know you're not cut out for roaming the world like a vagrant. You're far to regal for that," I said with a teasing smile. He looked at me and raised a brow.

"This coming from the queen of Shiva? And now that you mention it, how are you going to travel the world. I never pictured you for a nomad that would backpack through the world, what gives?"

"Hey, I never said anything about backpacking. You know my uncle has places like everywhere," I said with a smile. He nodded and smiled, as though he'd just recalled that. He was about to say something, when the door to the room suddenly opened and someone walked in. We both turned to look to see who it was, and felt my stomach churning to see it was Snape and that he was looking from me to Henry and suddenly glaring at him.

"Oh hey, Professor Snape," Henry said in his usual laid back kind of way.

"Get lost Bishop. I need to speak to Miss Allen, in private," he said through gritted teeth as he looked directly at me and scowled.

"Ooohkay," Henry said a little uneasily as he got up from the chair he was sitting in. He cast a look at me and smiled. "Hey Kali, it was nice talking to you. I'll owl you, I'd like for us to keep in touch in the future," he said as he looked at me and made his way for the door all the while staring at me like he was expecting an answer.

"Yeah, I'd like that," I said, smiling gently, while feeling my stomach tighten. Leave it to Snape to ruin the seemingly last chance I'd have to talk to an estranged friend. And it sort of was, even though tomorrow was the last day. However, considering the bustle of all the students to pack and get down to Hogsmead where the seventh years could chose to take the train or apparate home, the chances of me seeing Henry again were really quite slim.

"Great, expect frequent owls from me, you know how chatty I can be," he said with a smile before disappearing out the door, leaving Snape and me alone. I turned my gaze to Snape, looking at him warily as I sat up and hugged the pillow form the chaise to myself.

"What in hell were you doing in here, ALONE, with Bishop?" he asked through clenched teeth. I looked at him, wondering what his problem was. He hadn't seen or talked to me since the other night, when everything had finished, and he was fucking being a jealous prick now?

"I doubt you came in here to talk to me about Henry," I said as I looked at him questioningly.

"Henry?" he said in his low murderous tone and I could tell the vein in his temple had probably just made its presence known and was pulsing double time.

"Yes, Henry, that's his name. He and I used to sort of be friends our first through third year but we drifted apart when he joined the Quiddi- why am I explaining this to you?! I don't owe you explanations. What do you want?" I said, suddenly angry. More at myself than him.

"I just came to return this to you," he snapped, as he pulled a strap from his shoulder and dropped something on the floor before me. It was my bag, which I hadn't seen until just now, and by the looks of it, it probably contained the articles of clothing I'd left behind in his room the other night.

"Oh," I said simply. "Thank you, I suppose." He scoffed at this and crossed his arms over his chest. I couldn't blame him really, that really wasn't the most gracious way to express gratitude, but I honestly didn't feel much of it. For all I cared, he could have tossed all of it out. "Well, if that's all-," I said, getting to my feet.

"It's not," he said, causing me to sit back down as he sat before me on the table opposite of me. He buried his head in his hands and sighed deeply as I watched him with suspicion and mild annoyance and bewilderment. Whatever it was, I wanted him to just get it over with already cause I was tired of waiting. I wanted it to be over, for good already.

"Well?"

"I just wanted you to know... that I've actually thought about everything you said and that... you're wrong," he said, looking up at me suddenly. I raised a brow, wondering what the hell he was talking about. "However, it may have seemed... I do care about you. How could I not? You were my first and I would never forget that. I'll never forget the comfort you provided me that night... and the kindness it showed... all in exchange for nothing.

"It's not that I care for Calla more, it's that... you were right when you said what I know of you is barely what's right on the surface. You're a hard book to read. But you can't blame me for that, you aren't forthcoming with everything you are and maybe it's because of me, because I'm not either. I've learned more from you these past couple days that I ever knew before and maybe had I seen more to you before we wouldn't be here right here, or maybe we would have because as you pointed out, long distance relationships really don't work.

"However, none of this changes how everything happened. And I don't want you to hate yourself because of me. I want you to be happy, and I can't make you happy, we both know that," he said, staring my eyes for most of his intercourse and only looking down at his hands every now and then. "I want to wish you the best in the future, and that I hope that you don't hate me and that in the future... may I owl you, just to see how you're doing?"

His discourse was all well and fine, until it reached that point. Frankly I was astonished by everything he said and I wanted to cry because it made me feel a little better. However, the thought of hearing from him the future was daunting. I think I just wanted to forget about him and this period of my life. I still nodded though, as I figure he wouldn't actually write to me. I didn't picture Severus as the owling type. I smiled shakily at him as he stood up. "Well... goodbye Kali, and good luck," he said with a nod before exiting. I sighed as I lay back on the chaise, towards the foot of it and stared in relief. That went better than I thought it was and I was FREE. Absolutely free. It was really and finally over, once and for all.

**TBC...**

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**Another all Kalinda chapter. And sorry about the two week delay in updating. I've been busy taking care of two sick babies, one of which is my husband. Blergh. But as always, please read and review-Kari**


	10. Chapter 10

**Calla**

After I got home that fateful night, I went straight to my room and didn't leave for weeks. I expected my parents to badger me and try and talk me into going back so I could take the N.E.W.T's but the one sentence reasoning I gave them as soon as I walked through that door seemed to suffice.

"I hate that fucking school and you cannot make me go back."

Mostly I slept but besides that, I smoked a lot of ganja and kept to myself, brooding about how shitty life was and writing in my journal. I even took the time to write gruesome little short stories. I'd always had a flair for writing but I never thought about it much because I never really had the time to do it. But now I had plenty of time. I sent the stories into small magazines, muggle and magical a like, to be published but I kept getting rejection notices which only made my moods blacker. Just when I thought I'd worked up enough courage to off myself (weapon of choice? Rope and an attic rafter), I got a letter from Snape.

_If this is about what happened on Christmas, you should just forget about it and come back. I can't let you ruin your future because of me. It's not too late. _

I read it and screamed in frustration as I ripped it to little shreds which I then tossed out of the window to line the shrubs beneath it. Snape just didn't get it and he probably never would. As far as I was concerned, it would probably be best if I never saw him again but the thought just broke my heart. I decided to write him back.

_Quit being so fucking self centered. Not everything that happens has to do with you, prick. _

I figured that was the best way to get him to leave me alone and it worked as far as I knew. He never responded even though I had half way hoped that he would. More than anything, I wanted to write him and tell him that I was sorry and that I was in love with him just so he at least knew. But then I figured that would just be another excuse to keep him in my life. Besides that, I was afraid of how he would react.

I dreaded the day that I would've been taking my first N.E.W.T's but surprisingly enough, when I woke up, I felt fine. I guess it just sort of clicked that day. I was bored of being reclusive and depressed. I decided I needed to do something about it. I vowed to myself that I would go out and meet new people, make new friends and perhaps maybe even a boyfriend but I wasn't going to push that one. I wanted to see the world so I decided to go to my only living grandparent, my mum's mother, Hum Tate and ask for a loan to travel on. She wouldn't give me much but she gave me enough to at least travel the country and to be able to live on.

Hum Tate wasn't a very giving person. She was in fact a Slytherin and expected something from me in return, be it paying her back in full with interest or something else that would be profitable to her. I decided to take the second option because I wasn't sure how I would make the money to repay her and she didn't seem too keen on accepting an IOU either. She pretty much told me how childish I was being by dropping out of school to travel and she didn't seem to think that it was a good use of her money. So she gave it to me and in return I would go to work with her as soon as I got back. You see, Hum Tate and her late husband (who is not my mother's real father- her father had died when she was very young) had opened up an apothecary in Diagon Alley. Just one shop kept them living well for years but that wasn't enough. Every so often, they would open another one elsewhere and it just so happened that she was planning on opening up a shop in Hogsmeade and wanted me to run it for her. She was generous enough to even offer me a life time position there and to let me keep the job as long as I needed it. It wasn't exactly what I had planned on for a future, but I figured it was just as good as any place to start. I could figure out what it was that I really wanted to do but at least I had a place to make a living while I thought that through. Who knew how long it would take for me to finally figure it out?

I spent several weeks soaking in what I thought to be culture. I went to a lot of clubs, met a few interesting people, most of which I never saw again. But I was in the moment and it didn't really matter to me. What mattered the most was that I make myself happy again and it worked.

I didn't intend to do it, but I ended up settling down in Cornwall for two weeks, near the ocean, on my grandmother's dime. It was all because of a boy who called himself Pierre, though I wasn't sure if that was his given name or one he'd made up at random. I never learned his last name but I wasn't too bothered by that. What mattered was that he was extremely sexy in a strange sort of way and he always had a full stock of quality marijuana and Ecstasy tablets.

I met Pierre in a thrift shop. I was completely blazed out of my mind on weed and sleep deprivation. I was mindlessly rifling through a rack of clothes because I needed clean ones. I was too lazy and too spoiled to ever really learn how to wash my own. I was so used to either my mother doing it or the house cleaning staff at Hogwarts doing it for me. I'd grown up thinking that they probably just washed themselves and appeared in my closet, clean without it so much as passing through any living hands. I probably should've learned to do it myself, after all I was trying to learn how to be more self reliant but it was just easier to go out and buy second hand clothing, even if it did eat away at my funds.

Pierre was a few yards away, examining cassette tapes, frowning and cursing at every one he picked up. I couldn't quite hear what he was mumbling to himself. I just knew that he was dead sexy, even from my standing point. He was tall and skinny, with messy sandy hair with horn rimmed glasses. The arms protruding from the sleeves of his rumpled, way too big button up pink bowling shirt were covered in tattoos.

I decided to get closer to him so I could see him better. If he was really worth it, I would talk to him but if I thought he wasn't, it would be easy to walk away and pretend like I didn't notice him. He didn't give me a chance to walk away if I wanted to. He whirled around and faced me. With a serious expression, he asked if I smoked. At a closer glance, I could see an embroidered name patch on his chest that read "Fred."

"I smoke several things," I said, trying to sound cool and calm but my heart was beating rapidly in my chest. He was looking me up and down as though he were evaluating if I was worth his time. Suddenly I was praying that I was.

"Fantastic," he said in a monotone. "Let's go back to my place then and spark one up."

His place turned out to be a small little cottage in the middle of town where he lived with his terminally ill mother, whom he took care of during her final days since his father was off doing god knew what, god knew where. Pierre was only certain about one thing with his father. He was certain that wherever he was, he was probably drunk. He seemed pretty bitter at the situation and was even slightly bitter towards his mother. When he told me about it, I thought it was sweet that he took care of his mum until he brought me in. His mother was sitting in a rocking chair, looking pale and fragile but had a sweet smile. When she asked after Pierre, he mumbled under his breath and took off without so much as acknowledging the fact that she lived in the same universe as him. I followed him to his bedroom, somewhat disturbed by his behavior towards his mother.

Pierre was an artist, but not in the conventional way. He was a tattoo artist and worked in a tattoo shop as an apprentice but was very talented from what I could tell. He showed me pictures of tattoos he'd done and designed himself while we smoked a spliff. His work was well beyond apprentice level, which he reminded me at least twice. So the guy was a little bit full of himself. He was still sexy. So sexy in fact that I ended up losing my virginity to him that very night.

Sex, it seemed, wasn't as life changing as I'd been led to believe. That first time hurt, god did it hurt. I tried not to cry out when he penetrated me and if he noticed that I was a virgin or not, he didn't comment about it. But after I got into the rhythm of it, it wasn't so bad. In fact, I even started to enjoy it but I couldn't help but think of Snape and what would've happened if I had let things stray this far instead of stopping him that night. I imagined it would've been at least ten times more wonderful with Snape than it was with Pierre.

Afterwards, I let Pierre tattoo me on my back. That hurt worse than the sex did but the weed dulled the pain as we passed the remainder of our super spliff back and forth.

"You're nothing like I expected you to be," Pierre commented as he hunched over me. I was laying flat on my stomach, bare arse naked as he ran the needle over my back. I told him I didn't care what he drew just as long as it wasn't something stupid like a heart tattoo with the word Mum written in it. He ended up doing a rather intricate mermaid which was absolutely gorgeous when he was finished with it completely.

"Ouch! What?"

"Most people I meet in town these days are the big city yuppie types, come to get away from the hustle and bustle to pollute my fucking space. They're so obnoxious I want to gun them all down."

"Er...thanks?"

"I mean, you're a bit pretentious but for the most part you're okay."

"I don't exactly come from the city. I sort of went to boarding school and that was out in the middle of nowhere."

"So you're a rich preppy bitch."

"Not really," I said, becoming increasingly annoyed by the conversation. "My family has gone there for ages. You don't really have to have money to go. You just have to be special."

"Special how?"

"Just...special."

"Sounds ridiculous to me. Not to mention biased. Whose to say if I'm special enough or not to go there?"

"I can't really explain it," I said with a sigh. I winced slightly as he ran the needle over my spine.

"Did I ever tell you that I was accepted into this ultra exclusive art school?" And that's how we got off the subject, by talking about him. Every conversation was Pierre centered. Honestly, he was wonderful as long as he kept his mouth shut but the moment he opened it, the more I just wanted to escape from him. I spent two weeks living with him until Hum Tate tracked me down via owl post and insisted I come run her shop for her now. I was grateful for that. I wasn't sure if I could stomach any more Pierre. The best thing that came out of that situation was the loss of my virginity and the tattoo.

Running the shop wasn't all that difficult, aside from a senile old witch who had a tendency to shop lift for some reason I couldn't understand. Although she was batty, she was also incredibly sweet, always asking after me and going on about her sweet little nephew whom she adored. I couldn't bring myself to call the proper authorities on her whenever she did lift something and I wasn't even sure she was doing it on purpose. When I caught her at it, I would silently summon what ever it was from her pocket as she left the premises. Most of the time she didn't notice but when she did, she would look back at me, confused but wouldn't say a word. Call me a sucker if you want but I just couldn't run her down, tackle her and rip the merchandise away from her, though I really didn't have a problem with doing that to anyone else. It drove Hum Tate nuts that I refused to really do anything about it but it wasn't like I wasn't getting the item back so she wasn't really actually losing money.

One day, near the end of August, I was in the middle of doing closing inventory after closing the shop. I guess I must've forgotten to lock the front door because as I sat in the back room, doing paperwork, I heard the bells tinkling over the doorway, signaling that someone had just entered. I grew annoyed at once; with myself for not locking the door properly and at whoever it was who had dared entered the shop despite the large sign that stated CLOSED posted on the door. I know I'd done that much. That was usually the first thing I did. I didn't always lock the door because sometimes there were still customers browsing when closing time came round. I didn't kick them out but I didn't really want anyone else coming in either. That night had been exceptionally busy.

"I'm sorry, but we're closed," I called from the back room. I didn't really want to get up and go shoo them out so I sat perfectly still for a moment, waiting to hear the bells go off again whenever that person left. It never came so I stood and decided to go guard the ancient cash till in case whomever it was wanted to rob me. They'd have to kill me first. I'd signed a contract for Hum Tate practically saying that I'd die before I let anyone take any money from the shop. Didn't like it, but I had to do what I had to do.

I didn't see anyone at first and began to question whether what I'd heard was real or not but then he popped out from one of the aisles. I nearly had a heart attack, it startled me so much. After realizing the annoying customer wasn't a robber or anything of the sort but was in fact, Snape, I scowled, thoroughly irritated.

"I said we're closed," I told him, not even attempting to sound the least bit polite. I seriously wanted him out of my store because even though I knew he wasn't there to rob me, he still made me extremely uneasy.

"I know, I heard you the first time," Snape replied back. I clutched the edge of the counter until my knuckles turned completely white. "I'm not here to buy anything."

"Then why are you here?"

"My aunt Theodora kept going on about the wonderful young black girl who runs this place and I wondered if it wasn't you."

"Mystery solved, now leave." It took me a moment to register the fact that he mentioned his aunt and something clicked. I remembered the batty old kleptomaniac who always babbled on about her nephew. "Wait, your aunt Theodora?"

"Yes. Technically she's my great aunt but she really seems to have taken a liking to this shop and it seems to you as well."

"She's about yea high-" I held up my hand to about chest level. "Walks with a distinctive limp and smells like she smokes a lot of menthol tobacco?"

"That would be her, yes." Snape said and raised an eyebrow. "I take it you know who she is."

"Well fuck, Professor! She does make it a habit of shoplifting every time she comes in here, so yes, I know who she is! I just didn't know she was your aunt!"

"Great aunt."

"Whatever!" I know I really had no reason to feel duped but I did. I felt like I had been conned. Had I known the old bat was the greasy bat's aunt, I would've been a lot more guarded around her. I wouldn't go on about my day when she asked. It was nice to talk to someone because I was pretty much alone and she was really my only regular customer.

"I wasn't aware that she shoplifted, either." Snape said as he took a step closer to the counter. I backed up some.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure she's doing it on purpose..."

"As old and as senile as Theodora might seem, she's still as sharp as a tack in her mind. I'm sure she's perfectly aware of what she's doing."

"Oh, well, she doesn't do a very good job then because I catch her every time."

He looked around the place, as though in wonderment. He smiled to himself for a moment and shook his head before looking back at me. "Is this what you wanted, Calla?"

"Beg pardon?"

"I asked you if this is what you wanted. Did you really want to spend the rest of your life here? Spending mindless hours, making a mediocre living in a mediocre shop?"

"I'll have you know that my grandmother happens to own this place." Mediocre? There was a reason that the Potioneer guild backed us as their official supplier. If the place was so mediocre, how come Hum Tate was currently working on getting up three more new shops in Scotland, France and Italy? Not because her franchise was mediocre, that was for sure.

"My apologies," Snape said but I could tell he didn't really mean it. "Pardon my asking but how exactly do you live? I can't imagine you make much money."

"It's not all about the money," I replied in a snotty voice. It was sort of a lie, however. I wouldn't be working here if I hadn't owed Hum Tate money. But I was grateful for the job at least and not just because of the money.

"Where do you live? How do you feed yourself?"

"As if that's any of your business," I scoffed at him. "But if you must know, I live in the efficiency behind the shop. And yes, it has a kitchen so yes, I do eat."

"Allow me to buy you supper tonight. I'm sure you don't feel like cooking."

Well, he had me there. I was probably just going to go home, think about how hungry I was until I passed out from sheer exhaustion without eating. Thank goodness I didn't have children or any other kind of house pet that depended on me because they would be fucked.

"What's the catch?" I asked suspiciously.

"There is no catch. If you don't want to do it, just say so. You aren't going to hurt my feelings."

"I'll go but you can't sit there and harp on about how I've ruined my future," I said. "I'm perfectly content with where I'm at, thank you very much."

Snape rolled his eyes to the ceiling as though praying that some omnipotent being would slap the stupid out of me. "I won't but if you're coming, please hurry up and get ready before it gets too much later."

So, an hour later, I sat across from him in a restaurant just down the way from the shop. Honestly, his presence made me too nervous to really eat but I picked at my plate in a manner that I thought to be shameful. He didn't seem to be eating much either and if he cared that I wasn't eating, he didn't say a word to me.

"You can still come back to Hogwarts. I'm sure if you talked to Dumbledore, he'd let you back in."

I snorted. "There's not a snowball's chance in hell that I'd ever go back. Not as long as you're teaching anyway."

Snape's face sort of lit up. "So it was because of me."

I couldn't look him in the eye as I'd just put my own foot in my mouth.

"Partially but not completely," I mumbled.

"Care to explain?"

"Not really." I bit my lip, trying to keep the words from falling out of my mouth. He'd presented me with a golden opportunity and I didn't really want to take it anymore. "Let's just say I let my feelings for you spiral into something that they seriously shouldn't have."

"Such as?" He asked me. He couldn't leave it alone, it appeared so I didn't really have much of a choice.

"It's just that...well, I suppose I'm in love with you." I whispered and looked down and around once more. Tears of embarrassment started to well. I suddenly had a flashback to the first time I'd kissed him and how revolted he seemed to be by it. I didn't want to see how he'd reacted to my confession. I was scared that he'd be just as disgusted by this as he had that kiss.

Snape reached across the table and turned my head towards him, forcing me to look him in the eye. He didn't seem shocked or disgusted as far as I could tell. He was neutral but serious. "Don't beat yourself up over it." And then he leaned forward and planted a soft but long, lingering kiss on my mouth.

When we left, we decided to take a longer route back to my place. We walked around the village, not really saying much but the both of us seemed hyper aware of each other. His body language painted him restrained, though I wasn't exactly sure what he was trying to keep himself from doing. Finally, I had to break the tension.

"Are you still with Kalinda?" I asked quietly.

"As you can imagine, we don't see much of each other being that it is still the summer holiday and she won't be returning next week." Snape replied.

"So what does that mean?"

"Honestly, I don't know."

I knew I probably shouldn't have invited him inside to my place, but I wanted him to stay more than anything. Even though my flat was extremely sparse, it was still home and I wasn't ashamed to let him see it. Really, it was all one room, except for the tiny little bathroom. My living room also served as my kitchen, dining and bedroom. The only furniture in the room was a small bookcase, a half-size wardrobe and my bed, which was just a mattress. My bed, though unmade, was extremely inviting. I couldn't resist throwing myself into it, back first with a deep sigh. I found that after a long day, my bed was my favorite place to be. I slipped half of a joint from my front pant pocket and lit it up, savoring the smoke and letting every little bit of stress float away with the smoke as I exhaled. I heard Snape make a choking noise and when I looked up, disgust was etched into his face.

"What?" I asked him.

"That is completely disgusting, Calla."

Then it dawned on me that he was talking about the weed. I took another pull and put it out.

"It's my home. But if you insist..." I slipped it back into my pocket. "Though you shouldn't knock it until you try it."

"I have no desire to."

"Right. I should've figured you'd never bend to peer pressure."

"Why do you do it?"

I shrugged at him. "Look, you and I both know that life gets stressful. People deal with it in different ways. Some people drink. Some people have raunchy promiscuous sex. Some people beat the crap out of their spouses and loved ones. This just happens to be my chosen way of self destruction."

"That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard," Snape said as he sat down beside me. "I didn't know you did that."

"I didn't really. I mean I had before but it was hard to get away with at school or at home. I left home and I just sort of picked up on it. I stayed with this bloke called Pierre for two weeks in Cornwall and trust me, I had to smoke to survive his company or I'd kill him." I rolled my eyes, remembering Pierre. I felt Snape stiffen and I knew that I'd said the wrong thing. I shouldn't have mentioned Pierre.

"Pierre," Snape repeated quietly. "I know I shouldn't jump to any conclusions but I'm assuming things with him went pretty far."

"I don't know what you mean," I replied stiffly, knowing full well what he meant.

"Don't. Just...don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't feign innocence. I know better."

"I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I honestly didn't think I'd ever see you again and I assumed that if I did that I'd run away screaming in the opposite direction. But if you want the truth then yes, I did sleep with Pierre. Several times. I didn't know what was going on between you and Kalinda. I figured you were hell bent on keeping her and that it would be best to move on. Hell, I'm still not even sure what's going on between you and her."

"There's nothing going on between Kalinda and myself. I told you that."

"No," I said slowly. "You said you didn't know."

"We ended it. In June." There was a bitter, wistful tone in Snape's voice that I didn't particularly care for. It was as though he wanted me to feel sorry for him but I wasn't buying it. I just couldn't summon the sympathy for him because he had broke my heart before. I just rolled my eyes and shook my head in sarcastic wonderment.

I wasn't thrilled that he and Kalinda had ended things. I knew that left him in my hands which is what I wanted more than anything but I couldn't bring myself to be happy because I know it couldn't have been easy on Kalinda. Somehow, I felt responsible for it. I knew I couldn't help how I felt about Snape but I didn't have to act on some of the impulses I had that had bridged a gap in Snape and Kalinda's relationship. I was also almost sure that had I not acted on said impulses, my feelings for Snape probably wouldn't have developed as far as they had. It would've been easier to forget about it because I didn't know what I was missing. Though I had no way of knowing if that was true, it was just easiest to assume that.

"Did you at least leave on civil if not friendly terms?" I asked.

"I certainly hope so," he said. "I know it was for the best but sometimes I wonder...I wonder if I didn't make a dire mistake by letting her go like that."

"You have me," I reminded him. My voice must've startled him. He gave a small jump and then gave me a sharp look. "What?"

"I'm not so sure..." He started to say and then looked around the place as though he were seriously panicked. I sat up slightly. "I know how you feel about me and you must know that I care for you. A lot. More than I ever should've."

"And?" I knew what was coming and I prepared myself for it.

"...I'm just not sure if it would be wise to start something with you when I've only just finished with Kalinda."

My muscles began to tense up uncomfortably with anger. It took everything I had to not spring forward and claw his eyes out for being so goddamn wish washy.

"Why'd you come find me then?" I wanted nothing more than to firmly plant my foot up his bum. "Why couldn't you just leave me the fuck alone until you figured things out?"

"I don't know, Calla. I just got lonely."

"So, get a goddamn pet! Don't fuck with my emotions!" I wrapped myself up in my quilt and turned on my side, away from him. I fully expected him to leave. I wished he would so I could continue to feel miserable on his behalf by myself. He didn't leave, though. He slid down beside me and began to kiss my neck softly, rendering me completely helpless.

"I want you," he whispered roughly.

"I'm sure you do."

I wish I could tell you that I kicked him out of my bed and out of my home but I wasn't strong enough to do that. What started off as slow and sweet turned into playful which spawned into desperate frenzy until the next thing I knew, we were clawing our clothes off trying to get at each other. His hands and mouth were all over my body, touching me and teasing in places I never knew had any sensation. I couldn't hardly stand it. I had to beg him to penetrate me and he didn't hesitate when I asked. Though the whole session couldn't have lasted more than ten minutes, it seemed like the longest ten minutes of my life.

"Are you going to stay?" I asked him once I'd caught my breath and was half way sedate. I was trembling, however and I wasn't sure why.

"I should really get back to the castle," Snape said and lifted himself slightly as though he were going to get up.

"Because...?" I asked. He shrugged, defeated and settled back down beside me. I smiled to myself, knowing I had him. I drifted off to sleep, only to be woken again by the sunrise filtering into my window.

There was some extra work to be done in the shop today, so I quietly got dressed and left earlier than normal, leaving him asleep in my bed. I decided to drop into the Three Broomsticks for an early cup of coffee because I was sure I'd need it. I was tired but shit needed done and since I was the only employee, everything fell on my shoulders. Hum Tate suggested I find at least one person to help but I declined. I wasn't really willing to share the comfort of the job with anyone else, lest they screw up and make everything stressful. I learned that I could really only depend on myself if I wanted shit done the way I wanted. I was in complete control of the shop and that's the way I preferred it.

Luckily, I was able to open on time after a couple of hours of re-arranging and making other special accommodations. I sat behind the register as usual and waited. My regular customers who came in were a bit confused by the sudden changes and while some approved, the others complained about how they couldn't find anything anymore. I just shrugged them off, knowing they'd get used to it.

Finally, after I'd had lunch, the person I was waiting for came in. She was wearing an overlong cloak, despite the fact that it was a warm, sunny day. I knew right then and there that Severus was right about ole Auntie Theodora. She was perfectly aware of what she was doing when she walked around the shop, stuffing random things inside the cloak while tossing other things into the basket of items she intended to actually purchase.

"Good afternoon, Theodora!" I smiled brightly at her when she came to check out. She gave me an odd look but then resumed her usual vaguely confused smile.

"Why, hello yourself!" She handed me the wicker basket and I began to total things up, humming to myself.

"It's funny," I told her. "You always talk about your nephew when you come in here."

"Oh yes. He's a very charming boy. Handsome as the day is long and very bright for his age. I think that someday he might make a wonderful husband."

"He came in yesterday, last night rather."

"Did he now?" Theodora looked surprised but then gave me a sheepish smile. "I do say when I talk about you with him, he does seem vaguely interested."

"Oh, trust me I know. I didn't realize your nephew was a teacher up at the school. He used to teach me, actually. When you talk about him, I always pictured someone much younger. A boy, if you will."

"Well, I suppose I could see where you'd get that but he's still a boy in my eyes. I guess when you get to be as old as me, time just seems to stop."

"Right." I leaned in, my warm smile not faltering. My next words were intended for her ears only. "I could give a good goddamn how old you are, Theodora but if you keep nicking things from me, I'm going to cut your fucking fingers off."

Theodora backed up, looking extremely startled. "B-beg pardon?"

"Your total is four galleons even."

Theodora fumbled about for her wallet and shakily doled out the gold. I gave her change to her and bade her a good day. As she got to the door, she turned around and gave me another look. I knew she was confused as to if I had actually said what I had said or if she'd just imagined it in a fit of guilt, which is exactly what I wanted her to think.

I remained neutral when she tried to walk out of the door only to be thrown back by an invisible force. My Caterwauling charm went off and the whole shop was filled with a hideous shrieking noise which caused several customers to drop things and look toward the source of the noise. All sorts of shit Theodora had tried to lift fell from her cloak in a heap at her feet. She looked down at the pile and then back at me, looking hurt. I have to admit that I felt bad for a moment until she gave me the dirtiest look she could muster before she fled out of the shop. I knew I'd probably lost her as a customer but I really didn't care anymore.

Other than that one little incident, the rest of the day was uneventful and rather boring. It seemed to drag on and on but then again, I was actually looking forward to going home for the night. I had something to go home to, or at least I hoped I did. I was not disappointed when I went around back and let myself into my home. Snape was sitting in my bed, reading one of my many journals. I kept a lot around you see. I had one for everything. I had a journal I made lists in, I had a journal I wrote short stories in, I had a personal journal that I kept very safely hidden along with a journal full of poetry I wrote at one point in time that I was too embarrassed to let anyone see. I wasn't very good at poetry, you see and I'm afraid most of the poems I'd written during my angst phase were rather stupid. Thank goodness he hadn't found the two I kept hidden very well and was reading from the short story journal.

"You know," he said without looking up as I hung my purse up on the door handle of my wardrobe. "Kali kept sketch books."

"Oh yes, I seem to remember her doing loads of doodling," I said as unemotionally as I possibly could. It's not that I was jealous because I knew Kalinda was out of the picture but it still sort of stung when he reminisced about her. It was a constant reminder that she had him first. To hear him call her by a shortened name gave me a bit of a jolt. The only thing I could ever recall him ever calling her until that point was Miss Allen or Kalinda. Never Kali. But what did I expect? They had slept together. It wasn't like they had a business/client relationship. I hope not anyway.

"Where do you come up with these things?" Snape asked as he held up the journal.

"To be honest, the best ones were inspired by insomnia." I gave him a weak, lopsided grin. "That bad, huh?"

"Oh no, quite the opposite really. I found the one about the muggle school bus driver who hates his life so much, he decides to kill himself and the children with him highly entertaining."

"I'm glad I found someone who understands my fucked up sense humor," I said. "I sent that one into loads of magazines to be published and got the same reply every time. '_It's not that we didn't find your piece satisfactory, we just find that it may be a tiny bit dark for our publication. We hope you understand and we hope that you will continue to send in your work for further consideration_.'"

"Perhaps it was a bit morbid," Snape said. "I could relate."

"I can't imagine how many times you must've wanted to gun me down and then off yourself.."

He looked at me with a confused sort of expression. The sex the night before had to have erased every bad memory he had of me. I could live with that. But if the sex continued to give him amnesia, we'd be in trouble.

It occurred to me that the giant bowl I'd smoked during my break still hadn't worn off. It also occurred to me that maybe I smoked too much pot to begin with. And then I realized that the only reason I was thinking that was because I was stoned.

"At any rate, you shouldn't give up on trying to get published," Snape said.

"I wasn't."

"Good because I'd hate to see you give up on one more thing," he said, rather rudely. I knew I was about to get a lecture, so I stood there and took it like a man. "Like your career for instance. You could've been anything you wanted to be and you're working in a shop as a cashier. And speaking of which, I ran into Theodora today whilst I was out having lunch."

"Oh yeah?" I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to give me shit about what had happened earlier.

"She was quite upset. She seems to think you acted unjustly and unkindly."

"_Unjustly_? Excuse me? She was _stealing_! She steals _all of the time_! What was I supposed to do? Let her walk out with shit she didn't pay for?"

"I'm not disagreeing, Calla," Snape said cautiously. I was heated. The old bitch was lucky that all did was all did. "I think you're perfectly within your rights to punish those who steal from your shop however you see fit. Personally, I think she's lucky that all you did was make an example of her."

"Then why bring it up?"

"I told her we were seeing each other and she asked that I talk to you about it."

I stared at him blankly. He considered this talking to me about it? He could've said nothing about it just as well with the same result. The bloke could keep a promise, that was for sure. "Look, I know it probably doesn't really make sense to you but I'm obligated to do what she asks of me. She's the only living relative that I know of and despite her...quirks...she's not a bad person. Just odd."

"Odd," I repeated with a snort. "Odd doesn't even begin to cover it."

"Yes, well, I'm sure this isn't hard to believe, but she's an even bigger black sheep than my mother and I were."

"Oh yes, I find that _incredibly_ hard to believe," I replied dryly. "And I'm sure it's rather difficult to shun someone with a mental illness, especially kleptomania but you know, I'm sure it comes in handy especially during the Christmas holiday. That train set you got when you were six that was gift wrapped and was tagged for _Stephan_? Well, now you're well aware that she didn't just forget your name."

"You're being somewhat unfair," Snape said with a slight frown. "I'm not excusing her for what she did today-"

"Let's not forget the numerous occasions in which she pulled the same shit."

"And I know it's despicable but Theodora has done too much for me to allow you to think she's a horrible person."

"I never said she was," I replied. "I just think she's fucked up in the head. Having a mental illness doesn't make you a bad person."

"She's not mentally ill," Snape hissed, looking a bit heated now. I was vaguely reminded of when I used to pick at him at school to make him purposely angry. Why? I'm not sure why but it just felt good to piss someone off sometimes. I sort of viewed it with a pay-it-forward reasoning. Someone pissed me off so I, in return, piss someone else off.

"Denial is a river in Egypt."

"Just shut the fuck up, you ungrateful little bitch!" Snape snapped. "You have absolutely no room to talk. As deranged and spoiled as you are, you'd think you'd have a little more sympathy!"

"Are you trying to piss me off?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "Because it's not really working. I've been called worse things, you know. The other day someone called me a cunt after I refused to take what looked like pocket lint as currency."

"You are a cunt," he growled moodily.

"Well yes, but that really isn't news to me." I paused for a second and looked at him. He looked strangely defeated and worn down. I felt bad for him. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize your aunt meant so much to you. But I'm not going to apologize to her and like I told her, if I catch her stealing again, I will cut her fucking fingers off."

Snape's head whipped up and his gaze met mine, though his was wide-eyed and I'm sure mine could only be described as self satisfied. "Calla, have you ever paid attention to her hands?"

"No. Should I have?"

"She's missing two fingers on her right hand."

I struggled to remember if I noticed that little fact or not. For the most part, Theodora wore gloves and I guess I was always too busy to notice that maybe two of the five fingers seemed a little bit less inflated from the rest. I suppose I just assumed she was curling her fingers to conceal something she was going to drop into her pocket.

"Never paid that much attention, I suppose."

"She was married to a Muslim man for a while and she lived with him in his home country. I'm not sure exactly what happened other than it involved some sort of erotic oil. Her husband cut her fingers off as punishment."

I went slack jawed for a moment.

"That's seriously fucking twisted, Snape."

"Yes, it is."

"I mean, cutting off someone's fingers for masturbating? Overkill."

"What?" Snape looked alarmed and confused. It occurred to me that he'd never put two and two together.

"She was caught masturbating. Erotic oil? The two fingers?"

"I never..."

"If I married him, all I would have would be useless nubs for hands." I held out my hands and winced as I imagined two bloody stubs at the end of my wrists instead of fully functional hands. Snape sputtered. I looked up, alarmed, thinking perhaps he was choking but he was just blushing furiously, which I found quite funny considering the previous night. A masturbation pun should've been nothing to him. "I hope she left him."

"Of course she did," Snape said, trying to contain himself, though he was still flushed. "She was placed in a very secure hiding spot for a few years, but she managed to shake him off. She hasn't had it easy."

"So I suppose saying she gets things on a five finger discount would be slightly inappropriate."

I thought that would for sure set him off but to my complete surprise he let out a laugh and though it seemed so strange, it lit up his whole face and made him seem halfway handsome. Any bit of tension that was there before was gone. I knew that very many people weren't able to make him laugh and by doing so, I'd opened up some chamber of his heart. I could see it in the way he looked at me. It was pure heaven. And I had good ole Aunt Theodora to thank for it.

**TBC...**

**Hades'Queen: **I have my internet back! I'm very happy about this as now I can update and help with the formatting of the chapters again and not leave all the work to my good friend Kars here. Anyway hope anyone reading this will review and like to thank our one consistent reviewer Jax for the reviews. Lol almost feel like we are posting this solely for you.


	11. Chapter 11

**Kalinda**

I awoke with a kink in my neck. I groaned as I sat up and placed a hand on the back of my neck. For a moment, as I squinted and tried to get my eyes to adjust to the light coming in through the window, I tensed my shoulders and neck before tilting my head suddenly and sharply to one side, than the other to get it to crack. I sighed in relief when that was done and turned to look out the window as the late summer sun dipped inside. Despite my amazing and bizarre summer, it was nice to be home and still catch a fading glimpse of summer in England

Soon as I got home from Hogwarts, I wasn't even allowed to settle in when my parents dragged me to India where we stayed for about a week in Farah's home. Apparently Naveed, his wife Tilo, and their infant daughter Shabanu were visiting as well and we got to meet the newest member of the family. My cousin Darius and his now pregnant wife Manjula, were also visiting.

Farrah's house was huge, and this was my first time over and my first time in India in general. However, despite the fact that I stayed there for a week, I didn't get out of the house much as I was surrounded by family and really rather fond of holding and taking care of little Shabanu. It was also really the first time I met Tilo and Manjula. Both were very pretty and oddly enough, muggle. It seemed they also happened to be cousins and run the same shop, which only sold spices.

During one evening when my mother asked me what I was going to do with my life now, a discussion we'd had many times before, I told her that I wanted to travel and think about it. As much as a hard ass as my mother can be, she was fine with this. You see, what she wants more than anything for her kids is for them to be happy.

At some point, my cousin Rashaun dropped by and seeing that I was visiting and hearing that I wanted to travel, he invited me to stay with him, Pavais and Xerxes with them at their place. Apparently Rashaun had a two weeks vacation, so I spent it staying over with them. My visit was interesting to say the least and not simply because Rashaun took me to various places like the Taj Mahal and took me to the Ganges river, not to mention his favorite places around. They're life at home was rather interesting. Xerxes had a slew of girlfriends over and Parvais was always disappearing at night. I never found out what that was about as no one seemed to particularly care to ask him about it, as though they lived together, but maintained their private lives pretty separate from one another and didn't seem to care for invading one another's pirvacy.

Oddly enough, Rashaun didn't ever bring home a girlfriend. I asked him if he had one and said that he didn't as he hadn't found a girl who wanted him for anything more than... well because of his interesting job or looks and Rashaun was simply not interested in that form of relationship... he seemed to want something deep. He also did not seem to approve of Xerxes doing stuff with his girlfriends at their place. He told him that he could bring them over if he wanted, but if he was going to be having sex with them, than he had to go elsewhere as I was visiting. I thought it was cute that Rashaun seemed to want to protect me as though I were some innocent that had to be protected from being exposed to sex. Oh if he only knew.

I wrote to my uncle Amir in my last days there to ask him if it would be all right if I stayed at his homes while I traveled and stayed with my cousins while I awaited a response. Rashaun took me with him to the Dragon preserve, because he said he didn't like the idea of me being home alone. It was really fascinating in a exhilarating kind of way to see the dragons and watch the tamers dealing with them. They were rather fierce and for the first time, I really thought about what Rashaun and Xerxes did and felt worried for their lives. I'd never seen a dragon in person and never much thought of my cousins coming face to face with these creatures on a daily basis. I commented it to Rashaun once, and he merely chuckled and patted me gently on the shoulder, telling me I had nothing to worry about because they knew what they were doing.

A couple days later, I received a response form my uncle, telling me that he would arrive in India the following day and that he and my new aunt Sofia would join me on my travels. This seemed rather odd to me and I figured that my mother had written to my uncle and asked him to keep an eye on me. Apparently she didnt like the idea of me traveling around alone. Which I was annoyed at. Its not that I didn't like my uncle Amir, however, I didn't like the idea of spending time with a stranger... especially not if they were newly wed, considering that they were probably in the honeymoon stage of their relationship... and I really wasn't into PDA.

However, Sofia was not really what I expected. She wasn't by any means, a young thing as I expected, nor an astounding beauty. She was pretty, and elegant and a worldy woman as she seemed to know about everything, but she was nearly in her late thirties with thick, dark hair and large dark eyes. She was apparently a witch from northern Spain and had three daughters. One was remotely my age or actually a year younger than me, Lorena; one who was thirteen, Camila; and one who was seven, Nina; who we traveled with to Egypt, Italy, Spain, Jamaica, Brazil, and Hawaii, in that order, spending a few days to a weeks time in each.

Of her daughters, I didn't particularly care for Camila, who was a little cunt. Nina, was on her way to becoming another Camila, as she sometimes threw tantrums, but at times she could be rather sweet. As for Lorena, while just as conceited was... in my opinion rather strange and not in the benignly eccentric kind of way. In the kind of, crazy addict kind of way, though addicted to what, I'm not sure. I mean, swear to you, she kind of scared me and I'm kind of fucking hard to scare.

I mean, we were in their home in Spain, and she invited me with her friends to a night club. And it was all well and fine, hell I didn't even mind when she grinded her pelvis against me, because I thought we were just dancing. However, at some point we were making out, and well that's not really what bothered me because at the time I was pretty hammered. However, what freaked me out is that a week later, when we were in Jamaica, one hot night I woke up and she was sitting on top of me in a bra and thong, grinding against me. Before I could ask her what the fuck she was doing, she started kissing me.

At the time, I was kind of half-asleep, and when she started making out with me I was reminded of Professor Bell, who though I hadn't seen or talked to since school, I still had strong feelings for that refused to go away. I still kept thinking about her, missing her dreadfully. Because of all this, I responded to Lorena's kiss and its really no wonder why. I mean, Lorena had straight, chocolate-brown hair like her. Her eyes were dark like her mother's though and while she was pretty, she really didn't look like Professor Bell. Also, her body was much thinner as she was much younger than Professor Bell. However, in the dark and with my mind still shocked and not working at full capacity, I kissed her back and pictured it being Professor Bell.

When Lorena moaned and pulled away for a moment to attack my neck, she said I kissed deliciously in Spanish, which at the time I only barely understood after hearing them all talking in Spanish and learning things here and there. Besides, delicioso, rather sounded like delicious so I guessed that's what it meant. I then finally got my brain to catch up and shoved her the fuck off me and hissed at her to get the hell out of my room or next time she was asleep I'd sneak in her room and shave her bald. Lorena understood more of English than she could speak so she merely glared at me before scampering out of my room.

Most of the time we spent in Jamaica we spent most of the time at the beach, which was frankly uncomfortable for me because Lorena would just not stop staring at me. Oh and my threat wasn't the end of that. Lorena took plenty of opportunities to sexually harass me. One time, she even told me she didn't know why I resisted her so much when she knew I particularly enjoyed that kiss we shared in my bed. Being as my uncle was very fond of his new stepdaughters and doted on them, and being as Sofia was such a nice person, I didn't tell them that I thought Lorena was a sexual predator and that they should seek help for her before she got herself into serious trouble.

Besides, Sofia explained to me one afternoon when we had been in Spain that the girls' father abandoned them when Nina had been born and that Lorena had taken it the hardest. I figured that the girl simply didn't like feeling alone and that she didn't know that the love and affection she needed didn't have to be sexual. I made a compromise of sorts with her. I told her if she stopped sexually harassing me, trying to fondle me and kiss me, that I'd let her sleep with me in my bed and even cuddle with me. After that, she stopped hitting on me and it made for a more comfortable summer. And actually, without the lustful physical contact, it was rather nice just holding one another and sleeping platonically. She actually seemed quite content with that.

After visiting Brazil and Hawaii, we stayed a couple days in California in a hotel. We also visited Chicago and New York for a couple days, also staying in hotels before heading over to England where I finally came home. Uncle Amir said it was a pleasure to have me along, and Sofia said she was pleased to meet me and hoped I'd come visit them sometime.

Lorena looked rather sad about it, and I wasn't sure what to say. I told her not to try to fill the hole in her heart that her dad left with sex, because that would only serve to make the hole bigger and that I was sure she'd find someone who would treat her with love and respect that she deserved and to remind her of that, I gave her a portrait I made of her once when she was sleeping and I couldn't sleep. I took Andaleeb on my travels and whenever I could, I sketched the places and things and people I saw, effectively filling the remaining pages. Lorena was one of the most beautiful things I saw, despite that she was a little fucked up and had crept me out for the first half of the summer. I mean deep inside, she was a good person, just hurt and confused. I felt I had to draw her a couple times, and the picture I gave her looked was the one where she looked the most sweet, innocent and lovely. At the sight of it, she shed a tear of gratitude and gave me a hug.

**Calla**

Of course I knew I only had a week with him and that week seemed to fly by while I tried to grab a hold to cling on and stop it. I was unsuccessful so I tried to cherish all the free moments I had with Snape. I even kept the shop closed for the rest of the week, citing illness to Hum Tate. There were repercussions to that however. Hum Tate wasn't happy and insisted that after I got better that I take the time to hire some one else on so if I ever fell ill again, I wouldn't have to close down shop for the entirety of my illness. As much as I hated to do it, I had to cave but I decided I wouldn't worry about it until school started back up.

On the last day of August, Snape and I decided to go out to dinner, though Hogsmeade wasn't known as a culinary heaven so we had to settle for wilted sandwiches from the Three Broomsticks but getting out was getting out. Not that I didn't enjoy laying on my back with Snape for the most part but I found getting out in a different setting was a refreshing change and I thought that perhaps by being out in a public setting, I'd be less inclined to burst into tears which I was on the brink of doing.

Though I was depressed, the Three Broomsticks always had such a brilliant happy atmosphere. There weren't many people there, mostly just merchants from around town, having an after work drink or two to wind down. All the merchants liked to get together every once in a while to discuss business and to establish business partnerships. Sometimes I took part in said activities because I found I enjoyed a little human company that didn't involve me counting out change. Besides that, the merchants of Hogsmeade were a rather calm, joyful bunch of older people. The youngest was a girl who couldn't have been much older than myself named Emmy Rose who ran a book shop across the lane from Hum Tate's shop.

But that night was different. I couldn't really soak in the cheerful and friendly banter as well as I normally did. I kept getting these horrible sinking feelings in my chest, knowing that in the morning I'd have to say good bye to Snape until at least the next weekend.

"You could stay with me," I suggested to him after my second glass of wine. "The school isn't that far away. You could make a fairly easy commute every morning."

"I suppose," he said distantly. I saw him gazing over my shoulder. I turned around and saw Emmy Rose sitting down at the bar, laughing with an older wizard. It gave me a jolt to see him looking at her because even I had to admit that Emmy was extremely pretty with her curly deep rust colored hair and her fair skin with just a smattering of freckles. Unlike my horrible attempt at smiling, her smiles always seemed to reach her eyes, making the ordinary blue eyes seem to twinkle brightly. She was one of those girls you really wanted to hate because she was so damn pretty but her personality made it hard to do so. She always gave me a discount went I went into her shop which was also a stationary shop with all sorts of wonderful writing tools. It wasn't so hard to hate her now that Snape was staring at her.

"So does that mean you'll think about it?" I asked, trying to regain his attention.

"I don't know, Calla. You don't realize the amount of papers I have to grade on a daily basis. I'd be distracted. I'd like to see you when I'm not distracted."

"I could help you."

"I can't ask you to do that."

"You had no problem making me grade papers in detention," I said in a slightly snotty tone. I could feel my face tense as I began to frown deeply. He still was staring at Emmy. She looked over for a second and smiled awkwardly at us. I rolled my eyes and tried to control the urge to throw my glass at her or at Snape. I was on the brink of just getting up and leaving so I could return to my miserable existence with out him. Fuck the tearful good bye. If he was going to oggle other women in front of me, I really didn't want to waste my time.

"I could look into it but I'm pretty sure I'm obligated to stay within the confines of the castle during school days. I told you I would be able to make it here a couple of weekends out of the month."

"Just a couple?" My heart sank.

"It just depends on how bogged down I am." Finally he turned his gaze on me. He reached across the table and stroked my cheek slightly but I pulled away from his touch. He drew back from me as though I'd bitten him. "What?"

"You bloody well know what! You're planning on doing something with the slag over there!" I wanted to tell him but I couldn't bring myself to say it just in case it was all in my head. Even if he was staring at Emmy, I was pretty sure she was married and wouldn't dare touch the Professor.

"I think you're just making up excuses." I did actually say that out loud. He looked rather taken aback as though the thought hadn't ever crossed his mind. I wasn't stupid, however. "You could get away more often than that. You just don't want to."

"That's not true."

"Like hell it isn't!" I said as I stood. I was pretty angry at that point and didn't care if everyone was listening like they were watching some sort of sordid play for their own amusement. I wouldn't have cared if some one was holding an antennae up and was broadcasting the row all over the world. "Look, I know you get busy. I mean, I spent two years in detention with you, grading papers and I know it's a lot but you _always _had them done by the weekend. I remember quite well because I hated weekend detentions with you because you made me do the nastiest shit, like cleaning out cauldrons that have been sitting around for eons with out being cleaned. I also know you go detention happy just so you can have some one else grade papers! So don't sit there and go on about how bogged down you're probably going to be. I'm not fucking stupid!"

I didn't give him a chance to respond. I whirled around and tore out of the place, crying the whole way to my little efficiency. I _hated _crying and I hated it even more so because it was over a stupid man. It made me feel weak which I most definitely wasn't. Snape could kiss my ass!

If I were a better person, I wouldn't have let myself feel bad over him. I would've told myself it wasn't my fault and that he wasn't worth it. But I wasn't. I felt that he was worth it which was stupid but I was in love with him. Once I got home, I wanted to run back to him and tell him to just forget what had just happened and lets just make the best of the time we had left. I didn't have to because he had followed me.

"_Get out!" _I shrieked as soon as he opened the door. I looked around for something to chunk at him but nothing that was rather disposable was within reach. That was one of the downsides of living a minimalist lifestyle. If I were a pack rat, I'm sure dozens of ideal blunt objects would've been within reach. I made a note to start collecting plate or something that would shatter easily, painfully and had the potential to draw blood.

"No," Snape said firmly, shutting the door behind him. "At least let me say what I've come here to tell you then I'll be out of your hair. Forever if you like."

"Oh, steady on!" I sneered. "Yes, let's make this about you. Lets make Calla feel sowwy for poor Sevvy!"

He chose to ignore that. "It's not that I don't want to see you. It's not that at all."

"What is it then? And don't feed me bullshit either or I swear I'll cut your testicles off and force feed them to you."

Snape hesitated for a moment as that mental picture sunk in. He looked horrified, much to my pleasure. Boom. You've been mind-fucked, bitch.

"I..." He gave me a pleading look, as though he were suddenly desperate for some kind of telepathic connection so he wouldn't have to say his piece out loud. "I just don't want to ruin a good thing."

"What do you mean '_ruin a good thing?' _It's only been a couple of weeks."

"I know and we've been with each other non-stop as well. I know it seems stupid but people need time away from each other to be able to enjoy each other."

"We won't be around each other constantly! We both have jobs. And in case you didn't know, distance can kill a relationship."

"It's not as though I don't intend on seeing you completely. I would really just prefer to take things a lot more slowly than what they're going now."

"And you couldn't have just told me all of this before?" I said, frowning. He had a point, I couldn't deny that.

"I didn't want to hurt you. I knew you were living in the now and I didn't think it would do any good to bring up the future because it would just upset you."

"Well, I'm a damn sight more upset now than I would've been if you had said something before! Jesus Christ!" I wanted to rip my hair out but I could feel the anger start to dissipate. I couldn't hardly be angry with him about staring at Emmy Rose all night either even though I shouldn't have let that go so lightly. If anything, that should've upset me the most but I found it difficult to hold on to. I was pretty sure Kalinda wouldn't be putting up with his shit but I didn't want to be another Kalinda because look at how that turned out.

"Let's just forget all of it for the moment and just enjoy tonight because it's the last we'll have for a while." Snape white-flagged. All I could do was nod and allow him into my bed for another night.

-

When Snape left the next morning, he left me with a long, lingering kiss with promises of seeing me soon even if it was just for a few hours. I stayed in bed for another hour, not sleeping but just being flat out miserable. I probably should've opened up the shop for the day but decided against it. One more day closed wouldn't make much of a difference. I opted to urge myself out of bed for a nice shopping trip in London, though I stayed away from Diagon Alley and kept to myself in Muggle London to do some clothes shopping.

Even though I didn't have much money and couldn't buy much of anything, it helped to mingle with complete strangers. Some of them might have had worse problems than I did at the moment and that thought helped me from submerging myself completely into the deep bitterly cold waters that was misery. The homeless man who badgered me for money surely had it worse than I did. The poor man smelled of pee and went on and on about how he was saving up money so he could get surgery to remove the chip the Russian government had planted on his person. Surely the poor bastard was crazy as fuck but I'm sure the cardboard box he slept in wasn't all that poorly maintained. He had a shitload of Muggle money in his collecting tin.

I found a little junk shop filled with loads of inexpensive useless crap that would be so much more useful taking up space in my sparse little home. As I was rifling through a disorganized box of useless inexpensive crap, I heard a voice that sent a tingling sensation of recognition up my spine. I didn't dare breathe for a moment as I listened to the voice as it wondered down the aisles, drawing closer and closer to me.

"Don't get me wrong, yuppies _do _serve a purpose in society but they stand in the way of us, the aspiring new poor, we the people who will one day take over and rule over them..."

I nearly gagged when Pierre stopped his sentence short and studied me. He was with a handsome young man who wasn't too much older than me.

"Hello!" I said, trying to sound thrilled but it probably just seemed like I was an over-nervous chipmunk with a bladder problem. I must've looked pretty desperate and I was desperate to get this encounter over and done with. You see, I'd left Pierre's place in the middle of the night while he was passed out. I didn't leave a note. I told him nothing as to completely separate my life from his.

"Don't I know you?" Pierre asked quizzically. I just gaped at him. How could he not remember me? "Oh. You're that girl I shagged for a couple of weeks. Clara, right?"

"Calla," I told him through clenched teeth. It wasn't as though I weren't already having a bad day but come to find out the boy I lost my virginity to didn't even remember my name!

"Right, right. Sorry. So how've you been?"

"I've been doing well. How is your mother?" I wasn't about to ask after his well being because he obviously did not deserve it, the prick.

"She's dead."

I froze, completely in awe of how unemotional he seemed by it. I knew he wasn't especially fond of the situation he was in, nobody in their right mind would enjoy that but it didn't seem like Pierre cared that his mum had died.

"What? When?"

"A couple of weeks ago. We buried her and I moved up here. I completed my apprenticeship so I'm starting work at a serious tattoo gallery. Slime Grime's. You've heard of it, I'm sure. Only the best artists work there."

"Er- no, actually I haven't heard of it but congratulations anyway."

"You must be completely out of touch," Pierre said with a heavy accusing scowl. I wanted to pop him in the mouth because he was _such _a waste of oxygen. His friend, who ever he was, seemed to sense that I was ten seconds away from pummeling Pierre and stepped forward with his hand out.

"I am Hans," he said as I shook his hand. He had a slight Eastern European accent, German more than likely, that seemed to have been groomed and assimilated. "I am Pierre's flat mate."

Pierre looked uncomfortable as he shifted from one foot to another, completely quiet for a good goddamn change. It hit me then that this Hans fellow was probably more than just a flat mate.

"Nice to meet you, Hans." I shook his hand quickly, already trying to plan an exit route.

"You smoke hash?" Hans asked casually. "Of course you do. All of Pierre's friends smoke the hash. It's a requirement." Hans laughed pleasantly at his own joke. I just stood there like an idiot, unsure of what to do with myself. "You should come back to the flat and smoke with us."

"I- ah..." I didn't really think it was such a good idea. If Snape were to find out, he'd have a fit. But I couldn't rightly turn down the offer. I had nothing better to do. "Ah, alright then. But I can't stay long."

I ended up staying at their flat for over four hours, getting completely baked out of my mind but it left me in a pleasantly mellow mood.

"I have a friend who grows," Hans explained. "Pierre was getting shit. Made me paranoid so I went to my friend and my friend tells me, 'Hans, you don't get high just so you can get paranoid. You get high because you want to relax and be calm. Smoke some of this shit.' He calls it Mellow Fellow. I've never bought any other kind since."

"That's nice," I said serenely as I gazed around the now hazy flat. It was extremely tidy which only further rose my suspicions that Hans and Pierre were lovers. However, there did seem to be two bedrooms but that didn't mean shit. They could've just been storing things in one or using it as a cover of some sort. "Where's Pierre?"

"Oh, Mellow Fellow always makes him sleepy," Hans said with a wink. "It doesn't really seem that you're all that concerned about him."

"But I am!" I protested. "I adore Pierre!"

"You liar. He passed out half an hour after we got here."

"Oh," I said. "I'm sorry. I'm being rude, aren't I?"

"It's alright. Pierre can be a tough pill to swallow. It takes a special kind of person to be able to tolerate him."

"You're telling me," I said and rolled my eyes.

"So, you're a witch, yes?" Suddenly, I was alert. Had I let something slip without realizing it? I did tend to run my mouth when I got stoned. "Don't worry. I'm a wizard."

"Oh, thank fuck." I felt immensely relieved. I didn't want to get a citation from the Ministry for breaking some secrecy statute. "Wait...how did you..."

Hans smiled and gave a hearty, pleasant laugh. "You've got your wand hidden in your sock. I saw you fiddling with it."

"Pardon the observation, but if you're a wizard, how come I never saw you at Hogwarts? You can't be that much older than me."

"I went to Durmstrang, of course."

"Durmstrang? Are you serious? I thought Durmstrang takes on a very anti-muggle stance. How come you're living with a muggle?"

Hans pleasant smile faded into a slight frown. "It's very difficult. Yes it is true that Durmstrang is anti-muggle but I've always found muggles fascinating. I was cruelly teased and discriminated against for that reason. I begged my mother and father to let me transfer to Hogwarts because Hogwarts offers a muggle studies program. I thought my views would be more acceptable there but my parents didn't think it was very sensible. And they were probably right."

"That's terrible, Hans."

"It never broke my affinity with muggles. In fact, it made it stronger. The problem is, my parents are supplementing me and paying for me to stay here while I figure out what it is that I want to do with my life but they're getting very impatient and are threatening to cut me off if I don't find a proper job." Hans slumped back into the sofa and gave a defeated sigh. "I want to go to a muggle university and study but I'm sure my parents won't approve."

"I have an idea," I said. "I run an apothecary for my grandmother and she's badgering me to find someone to help around the shop. Why don't you come work for me? That will get your parents off your back about getting a job and you can use the money to go to university like you want to."

Hans immediately lit up. "You would do that?"

"Sure. I like you. I think you're trustworthy and won't invade my space."

"You hardly know me."

"True I only met you a few hours ago but what better way to get to know someone than over a spliff? What do you say? You in?"

"I can't refuse, can I?"

"Sure you can refuse. But the question is will you?"

Hans shook his head and gave me a smile. "Calla, you are amazing. Pierre said you were rather dull."

"He said that?" I asked, feeling slightly stung. "No wonder he forgot my name."

"He didn't forget your name," Hans said with a heavy sigh. "He was just angry with the way you left him. He railed on about it for a while."

"So he was just being a twat when he called me Clara?"

"Yes, you could say that."

"I'm not sure whether to be angry or flattered."

"I'd be flattered. Being flattered is a much better feeling than being angry," Hans said as he started to roll up another joint. I watched him, completely in awe. I'd never seen someone twist up a spliff so fast in my life. Hans was an expert. "Shall we smoke to the new job?"

I picked up the lighter and held it up as he stuck the joint in his mouth. He held my hand steady as he puffed and lit it up. His hands were huge but extremely soft, which I found odd and I couldn't help but picture him running them up and down my body. From the first time I ever took Ecstasy, I developed an odd fascination with the way things felt on my skin. Most of the time there wasn't anything erotic about it but that factor sort of seeped in when Hans touched me, even though I was certain he was gay. I gave a slight shiver.

"Are you cold?" Hans asked through a cloud of smoke. He handed me the joint.

"No," I said as I took a hit. "But here's to your new job. Welcome aboard, Hans."

**TBC...**

**Hades'Queen:** As always, review.


	12. Chapter 12

**Calla**

Hans came into work the very next day. I was slightly uncomfortable with him being there as I was used to being the only person who worked there but I soon quickly realized that there was a huge advantage to having Hans there. He was great with the customers. He was charming, nice and sincere and could deal with them, even the angry ones, without losing his cool. They loved him right off the bat. Myself, on the other hand, I had no people skills whatsoever. If I had an angry customer, nine times out of ten, instead of actually trying to find a solution to the problem, I told them to fuck off. Now, I could spend my time avoiding customers and not catch shit from Hum Tate over it.

The downside was that maybe Hans was too good. Hum Tate adored him and I worried for a bit that maybe I'd lose my job to Hans but Hum pointed out that I needed Hans to work the register and to help the customers while I did my manager duties, so I stayed in the back, did inventory and such. It wasn't as though I didn't help Hans out in front. On our busier days, I helped him work the register. On slow days, I kept him company. Mostly he talked about going off to University and since I didn't really know much about the Muggle world, I learned a lot from Hans about it all. I'll admit that I thought he was strange, wanting to well...be a Muggle. Hans had all the advantages of the magic world at his fingertips and yet he still chose to do things the hard way, mostly. I guess it was sort of like those people who have that disorder where they want nothing more than to have a limb amputated. Why was beyond me but I accepted it and asked no questions.

When Hans wasn't busy with customers or looking at University pamphlets (he was considering going to the U.S.), I told him about me. Specifically about Snape. He seemed to sympathize a great deal with the situation though he kept pretty quiet about his relationship with Pierre. I figured maybe Pierre didn't like Hans working so much and Hans had to keep pretty quiet about the job as Pierre was a Muggle.

"That man doesn't love you," Hans told me after I mentioned how miserable I was feeling. He didn't have to ask why. He knew. The man could read me like Pierre thought _he_ could.

"I never asked him to," I snapped back, irritably. "It hasn't even been that long yet."

"No, what I'm trying to tell you is that no matter how much you love him, he will never reciprocate."

It stung when he said that and I tried to deny it in my mind. I wasn't going to risk anything by replying. I didn't want to defend Snape at all even if the urge was overwhelming. I didn't want to be _that _girl. You know the sort I'm talking about. The girl who has the boyfriend who is a complete prick from the planet Dickheadtoria in the Wankertonian universe and manages to defend his every wrongdoing, no matter how severe, because she's completely in love. There was no way I could do that, especially when Emmy Rose came into the shop one day.

"Hullo!" Emmy said brightly as she entered the store. I rolled my eyes because I was so not in the mood to be cheerful and the witch just seemed to shoot rainbows and sunshine out of her arse. "Just thought I'd stop in for a moment and let you know all of the merchants in town are getting together tonight at the Three Broomsticks to celebrate the new school year."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because most of them have children and are glad for them to be out of their hair," Emmy said with a warm smile that made me want to puke. "No, we do it every year to plan out sales and such so we can coincide with each other. Mostly we just sit around and get completely drunk."

"That's nice," I said, willing her to leave mentally. But she didn't. She just sort of shifted from one foot to another as she took a look around the place.

"This is actually quite a nice set up you've got going on," she said as though she were trying to make conversation. I took a look around myself; nothing about the way I had everything set up seemed to be exceptional and why she was commenting on it was beyond me. It was such an odd thing to say and something told me she was wanting to say something more but seemed either too embarrassed or too shy to say. I was not wrong. "I saw you with Severus the other day. How is he doing?"

"He's doing alright, I 'spose," I said, narrowing my eyes suspiciously. "Not that I could tell you much. I haven't heard from him since the day before yesterday."

"That's odd. He came into my shop yesterday." Emmy frowned and I felt as though I might vomit from pure anger. "Look, I know it's not really any of my business but are the two of you..."

"Are we what?" I asked quite rudely. I knew what she was asking but I wanted her to say it.

"Are the two of you an item? It sort of seemed that way the other day."

"If you must know, yeah, we kind of are." I could feel bile rising in my throat but not the sort of bile you'd think. I wanted to scream in Emmy's face. I wanted to say some very nasty things to her but I barely managed to suppress it.

"I was afraid of that," Emmy said with a pretty little sigh. "I don't want to cause any problems between the two of you but I was just concerned."

"Concerned?" It was all I could manage to say.

"Well, yes. Severus and I went to school together. We were in the same year except I was in Ravenclaw. We were paired up as partners in quite a few classes during our sixth and seventh years."

"I'm sorry but how is that relevant?"

"It's not I don't suppose," Emmy said. "It's just that when he came into the shop yesterday, he sort of asked me out on a date of sorts. I didn't quite know what to make of it."

I thought my teeth might break, I was grinding them so hard. I didn't utter another word and just waited for her to finish. Hans apparently could sense the tension because he stepped away from me. The both of us were behind the register as we'd just endured a particularly busy morning.

"He wanted me to go to this touring art exhibition in Diagon Alley next month," Emmy continued. "I could've completely misconstrued the meaning. Perhaps he was just asking as friends."

"Something tells me he wasn't," I finally managed to say. Oh, my, was Snape going to catch it the next time I saw him. I could picture the confrontation in my mind. I pictured it as me doing a lot of screaming and yelling while Snape just sat and sputtered, trying to apologize but not being able to get a word in edgewise.

"I turned him down," Emmy said. "I told him I'd be too busy but the truth is I don't think my husband would appreciate it very much."

"I'm sure he wouldn't." Two words were running through my mind: _Kill Snape. Kill Snape. _

**Kalinda**

I smiled to recall the insane summer I had as I got out of bed and showered. Today, on my first day back home, I was planning a trip to the Ministry of Magic to visit Henry Bishop. Oddly enough, throughout the summer, he kept his promise to write to me and tell me all about his exciting job at the Ministry working as a Court Scribe to the Wizengamot, which... uncomfortably enough for me, meant that he met my mother and actually knew her being as she was a Wizengamot.

True to his word, Henry had a lot to say and wrote to me at the very least two to three times a week. In response, I told him about my summer and often sent him postcards from wherever I was, and when I wrote him long letters, I drew small sketches on the envelopes of things I'd seen. As the weeks passed, the friendship we were steadily reconstructing actually became closer than the one we had previously and he told me that as soon as I returned home to England that I had to owl him so that we could get together and properly catch up and so that he could properly display the green monster of jealousy that I had caused to take possession of him.

The last thing I sent him was a postcard from New York, telling him that their accents vexed me more than the American accents I encountered in Chicago, LA or Hawaii. I wasn't sure why, but some New Yorkers had this accent that made English sound almost very cheap. However, I had made no mention of the fact that I would be home in few days, as I wanted to surprise him. Which I suppose was odd, because I was never much inclined to provide anyone with surprises, but perhaps because I'd never particularly had an inclination to.

After showering and quickly dressing in a white summer dress with this light pattern of daisies printed all on it and I tied my hair up in a slightly messy bun. The dress was off the shoulder and only reached down to about mid thigh with a bit of a swooping neckline that showed the top of my breast, but no cleavage. The dress itself wasn't very tight, not even the upper part, and the skirt seemed to start at the waist and fall delicately and like a very small bell. I mean it I spun around fast, it wouldn't flare out and show reveal much of what was underneath. Along with this, I also put on some white flats to go along with it.

When I headed down the stairs my mother, donning her plum-Wizengamot robes, looked up with a raised brow. "You're up early," she said in surprise, as most summers I would always sleep till noon at the very least. Then she seemed to suddenly look me over. "You look cute! What's the occasion?"

I furrowed my brow at this and grimaced. "No occasion, its summer and hot," I said with a shrug of my shoulders as I was really not the type to wear short. I hare more shirts, jeans and sweaters than anything else really. I had very few dresses, mostly for family gatherings. As for robes and skirts, the only ones I had were for school. Which reminded me, I hadn't gotten the chance to gather all my school things and donate them to the thrift shop in Diagon alley. However, I supposed I could get to that later.

"Are you going out?" My father asked, furrowing his brow lightly in puzzlement. See, being for the most part friendless while at Hogwarts, I tended to spend the holidays at home and rarely went out. If I did, it was to walk around, perhaps go to the park or on occasion to accompany my mother on errands or to go shopping. However, I furrowed my brow as I noted my dad hadn't gone to the shop yet. Being as it was eight, he was usually already there.

"What are you doing here? Why aren't you at the shop?" I asked a little sharply. He smiled sheepishly and merely shrugged. I rolled my eyes at this. "I was thinking about going out. Mom, mind if I tag along with you to the Ministry today?" I asked as I turned to look at her as she raised a mug of coffee to her painted red lips. She looked at me in surprise. I hadn't really gone to her work with her since I was a child, long before I started going to school.

The Ministry didn't really mind if you brought you children to work with you if you had a good position there, it wasn't done frequently and your children weren't a distraction to you or other personnel. And actually they had a bring your children to work day as the ministry was always in search for new minions. Although that was done every couple years and usually by department. Could you imagine what would happen if all the Ministry workers that had children took their kids to work at the same time? It would be chaos! Wizarding Britain would come to a standstill!

"Why do you want to go to the Ministry?" my mother asked as she gazed at me.

"To surprise my friend Henry," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. My mother smirked at me.

"Henry?" I rolled my eyes at this. I didn't like the tone of voice she used, just knowing that she was wondering if I was interested in this boy or dating him or some such nonsense as that. Lord knows how long she has wanted me to date someone. Sometimes I wanted to tell her that I had an affair with one of my Professors to get her off my back or simply to shock her into shutting up about my lack of love life. However, I was sure that would prob freak her out and land Snape in hot water... wait what am I talking about hot, no boiling, scalding, third-degree-burns hot.

"Henry Bishop. And don't look at me like that, he's just a friend," I said in annoyance. The fact that after a long summer of not thinking much of Snape, I was reminded of him I felt vaguely vexed me. Its not that I hated him or felt for him anymore, but really I rather wanted to forget that part of my life.

"Henry Bishop? Oh I've met him. He's really rather handsome and such a nice boy! He's your friend?" she asked as she looked at me with interest. I narrowed my gaze at my mother and glared at her. I knew why she was asking. Clearly, she thought this boy was ideal and what she wanted for me and as always when my mother tried to venture into my life, specifically my love life, I felt annoyed as hell.

"Yeah, I guess and no, I'm not interested in him," I said with a roll of my eyes, that last bit answering her unasked question. "When you're ready to go, call me," I said as I turned and quickly exited the kitchen to get back up to my room. I assumed that I should take a purse or some kind of bag with me. I was planning on taking Andaleeb with me, despite the fact that it was full, as I promised Henry that he could see some of the sketches from my travels.

I suppose this is really huge, considering the fact that I never allowed anyone, and I mean ANYONE, to look through it. I mean, I once caught my brother looking through one and I was so angry that I pulled out my wand and cast a spell directed right at his left eye and completely ignored the statute for under age wizardry. Able couldn't see out of his left eye for a week, and at that I had gone easy on him, 'cause if I well wanted to I could have rendered him blind for his life time... it's odd really that my magic seems to work better the angrier I am. Anyway as it was, I got in serious trouble with my mom. Not so much for breaking the law by using magic outside of school, but because I could have seriously caused harm to my brother.

The statute for under-age wizardry in many wizarding families is a rather trivial matter, rarely enforced at home. My mom, despite being a Wizengamot, really abides laws to her convenience... or rather, she does when concerning the ones she doesn't consider very serious. Honestly if you ask me, if my mother had gone to Hogwarts, she would have been in Slytherin... she's probably the reason why Able and I were Slytherins because my dad was in Hufflepuff and uncle Richard was in Gryffindor like his daughter.

But that's neither here nor there. Suffices to say, typically I would not allow anyone to look through any of my sketchbooks. However, the pages I was going to allow Henry to see weren't anything particularly personal, so I didn't consider it a big that in mind I grabbed Andaleeb and headed to the closet in search for a bag that I thought it would be more or less appropriate. I ended up with a yellow tote and placed a Andaleeb, a small amount of money and my wand and after moments thought, decided I should take a new sketchbook with me.

Heading over to one of my bookshelves, I pulled out the only new and unused sketchbook I had at the moment. I felt my heart ache as I stared down at the book I head in my hands, it was Pandora. Immediately, my mind raced through memories of Professor Bell which increased the ache. There was really no denying it anymore, I had fallen for Professor Bell, and the only remedy for it seemed to be to forget that she existed, but it seemed so impossible. Despite not having seen or even hearing of her in the last three months, thoughts of her, or at least the whisper of her name, still flashed through my mind with great frequency. I even woke from dreams of her, which made me lay with no desire of rising... how could it not, when there was no hope of your heart's greatest desire to ever be attained?

"Kali? Are you ready?" I shoved Pandora, with near violence, inside of my bag and hastily wiped away the single tear that had slid down my cheek. I cast a brief glance at my reflection, making sure my face was without proof of anguish and composing it into a mask of indifference, before turning and walking out of my room and down the stairs. My mother was in the living room before the fire place. Atop the fireplace, she was opening this Ebony box and motioning for me to walk over. I grabbed a pinch of floo, even though I loathed this form of traveling more than any other and followed swiftly behind her to the Ministry of Magic.

We were making our way across the atrium towards the lift, when we suddenly came across a very tall regal man with platinum blond hair who stopped my mother to make small talk with her. I was walking just behind my mother and stared blankly at the man with cold grey eyes. When I was a child, I saw the man often enough, whenever my mother brought me to the Ministry. However, she stopped bringing me once I started going to Hogwarts, not so much because she didn't want to bring me, but I just wasn't interested in coming anymore because I found it rather boring.

I felt my stomach churn as his eyes slowly wandered from looking at my mother and looked over her shoulder to where I stood. His smile suddenly went from pleasant and polite, to something a little larger and almost predatory. "And who is this lovely young lady?" he said as he looked at me with masked interest. My mother turned to me and smiled broadly as she grabbed my hand and pulled me to stand next to her.

"This is my daughter, Kalinda. Kali, you remember Lucius Malfoy?" my mother said by way of introducing us. I merely nodded and extended my hand to the man in expensive robes, how could I ever forget? Not because the man was bloody rich, sickeningly powerful and dreadfully handsome. Oh no, the reason I can't forget him is far too uncomfortable to wish to recall. I wish I _could_ forget him.

"Kalinda? Little Miss Kali?" Lucius said in surprise as he looked towards my mother and turned it in his hand, to bend down and brush his lips lightly against the knuckles of my hand. His eyes gazed up at me from where he bent over my thin hand. I hate to admit this, but I felt a shiver run through me that wasn't wholly unpleasant. "The last time I saw you, I think you were about seven. My how you've grown," he said with a smile as he righted himself and let go of me. "You're just as beautiful as your mother," he said staring at me in a way that made me a bit uncomfortable. "So what brings you to the Ministry?" he asked congenially.

"Just visiting a friend," I replied politely.

"Ah, that's nice," he replied simply before turning his full attention to my mother. They started to speak about something, and I only listened as far as to ascertain that it had been a very long time since they had last seen each other. After that, I started looking around the atrium, trying not to appear too bored to have been detained momentarily. I kept wondering if it would be terribly rude to tell my mother that I would just move on ahead and see her later at home. However, I wasn't entirely sure about leaving her alone with Lucius Malfoy.

You see, when I was about six or seven and my mother brought me, I was playing hide and seek with some of the children at the Ministry that day. I chose to hide in one of the offices, in a cabinet and with my luck, someone walked into the office and not to do work. I heard vague sounds of moaning, from a female and male and though I could not see anything, and though they were containing much of the sounds of their lovemaking, I heard the voices often enough to be able to recognize them as the voice of Lucius Malfoy and... my mother.

At the time, I wasn't fully aware of what was going on, but knew enough to know that it was best I remain quiet and hidden and that what they were doing was not right. Over the years, when I realized what I'd, in a form, bore witness to, I tried not to think about it. I mean honestly, witnessing a parent commit adultery is surely traumatizing. It seemed like a one time thing and the older I grew, the better I assimilated it.

I don't hate or even judge my mother for it. I mean Lucius Malfoy _is_ absurdly sexy and at the time, my mother and father were going through a rough patch. However, I was confident it was a one time thing and the truth is, despite all the years my mother and father have been married, they truly adore each other even if they don't show it openly... but really its impossible to miss if you pay attention to the small details.

She had a moment of weakness, humans are prone to it, but I'm fairly certain it was a one time thing. Believe me, I would've known if it happened more than once because I have a way of finding things out... I'm not sure how, but I always find out about something sooner or later, without even intending to. Honestly, I don't know how that happens to me, but it always does without fail.

However, despite knowing my mother would not cheat again on my father (the only reason she did that time was because she was a bit drunk), I didn't want to leave them alone. I know, inebriated at work with her daughter? But it wasn't her fault. My mother is a light weight, and had a couple drinks at a co-workers birthday, which really occurred after hours and well... there you have the results. But Lucius Malfoy... do you really need to ask why I don't trust him? He's as Slytherin as they come.

"Well, that's all then. Thank you, Amaia," Lucius said as he took my mothers hand in his as they finished and kissed her knuckle before turning to look at me. "And it was a pleasure to see you again, Kalinda," he said extending his hand to me. I put my hand in his, though in my head I was rather reluctant to do it, and watched as he ducked his head to place a kiss on my knuckles, his eyes looking up at me slyly so my mother could not see, as he winked at me and then swiftly righted himself and swiftly walking away.

"That man," my mother said as she looked over her shoulder and shook her head. "He's as venomous as he is charming," she said with a slight grimace as she turned around and started heading down the hall. I raised a brow at this, but didn't say anything. Silently, I agreed with her. I am rather suspicious with people who are as good-looking and charming as he is.

Together we made our way down to the left and down to the second level at which point my mother had business to attend to with Madam Bones who came up to her almost as soon as she got off the lift. My mother was about to walk away when she looked at me. "Will you be all right on your own?" she asked as she looked at me with some concern. I raised a brow at her. Could she be serious? I used to roam around alone as a child, I knew the Ministry better than the palm of my hand, it was ridiculous to think that at the age of eighteen I would not be all right on my own.

"I think I'll be okay, mother," I said with a smirk. At this, Madam Bones looked over at me, and adjusted her monocle.

"I don't believe it, is that my little Kali?" she asked with a smile. Amelia Bones was considered a very serious woman who never smiled, but was fair and very honest. However, as a child, to me she always smiled and winked, and often gave me chocolate frogs. To me, she was very kind, and as a child I called her Auntie Susie. I smiled at her softly and nodded in response. "Well come here then!" she said as she outstretched her arms.

I smiled fondly at her and gave her a hug. Madam Bones is the only person I could show affection to, especially for someone not part of my family. My mother once told me that she never got married or had children, though she did always want children but for certain reasons never had them, which I suspect now that I know better it's because she lost almost all her family rather gruesomely and can't get over it. So as a child I was especially affectionate with her. I suppose that as a child, I was a lot more sensitive... well truth be told I've always been sensitive. I've simply always tried to hide it, now I suppose I'm especially adept at it.

"Amaia, but she's grown so much! And so beautifully," Madam Bones said when she pulled away and looked over at my mother with a look of pleasant surprise before looking at me. I smiled a little nervously feeling my cheeks flush. I wasn't used to being complimented so much, or even really looked at. Snape never really was one to give compliments, and the boy before that, rarely said anything to me, other than saying things like I was right fit. However, I didn't take Madam Bones to be anything but exaggerating, just as my parents did, because she had affection for me as one has for a child. I know I'm not beautiful, I'd aware that at most I can be said to be pretty. "And how are you dear? What brings you here?"

"I'm fine, thank you. And I'm just here to see a friend," I said with a smile. Madam Bones nodded at this and sighed.

"The years do not pass in vain," she said as she shook her head with a nostalgic smile, before looking up at me. "Well dear as nice as it is to see you, I really must speak to your mother. It was so nice to see you again and I hope to see you soon," she said as she gave me another hug.

"It was nice to see you too Auntie Susie, bye," I said as we pulled apart. Madam Bones smiled at me and motioned for my mother to follow her. I turned around then and made my way through the halls where I imagined Henry to be. He said for the most part he was in the same courtroom during usual hours, so I Imagined today would be no different. And just as luck would have it, as I neared the courtroom it was just letting out. As they poured out I stood on tiptoes to see if Henry was in there. I smirked slightly as I saw him bent over, looking through some papers.

I slid into the room and swiftly walked over to where he stood, still bent over but now straightening out the papers. I crossed my arms as I stopped a foot or two away from him. "You're really working hard, aren't you?"

Henry's head snapped up and when he saw me his eyes widened almost comically. "Kali! What are you doing here? I just got your postcard from New York yesterday," he said in astonishment as a few papers slipped from his hands. I snickered a bit at this as I bent down and helped him pick up the papers he dropped.

"Well I just got back yesterday actually. I assume traveling by portkey is faster than sending an owl," I replied with a tinge of irony in my tone while I shrugged as I stood up at the same time as he did, and handed him the papers I gathered. Henry momentarily sighed as he took the papers and looked down at them, probably because he had to reorganize them.

"You should have said you were back, I would have asked for the day off," he said as he looked up at me, before suddenly smiling. "Well I suppose that doesn't much matter. Do you think you can wait for me until my lunch break and then we can head out to get a bite to eat, my treat," he said with a smile. I nodded, and didn't bother to object at him paying for me. In that sense, Henry is old fashioned, he'd never allow a girl to pay if he invited her out even if said girl was just a friend or acquaintance. "Great! So meet me in the atrium later, I guess?"

"All right," I said as I turned and walked out and headed back to the lifts. When I was back in the atrium, I sat near the fountain and took out Pandora and started sketching, ignoring the pain I felt to see the fancy cover and be once more reminded of Professor Bell. I couldn't afford to think of her at the moment, not in public; the thought of betraying my emotions by displaying them in public, made my stomach tighten.

I spent long hours sketching, the fountain, some of the fireplaces and people that passed by. I'm not sure how long I was at this when I took a break and just watching them. My heart seemed to leap into my throat as I caught sight of a woman of the stature of Professor Bell with the same shade of brown hair. However, when the woman turned around, she was a bit thinner and younger. Her semblance though, was enough to make my heart pang. I suppose that's what happens when you love someone, everyone looks like them... or you think you see them everywhere, and all it really is is your heart and mind combining their forces and conspiring against you.

For a moment, I sat and watched the woman as she spoke and laughed to someone while my mind drifted to memories of Professor Bell. I started to sketch the girl, using her merely as reference before changing her features so I could draw Professor Bell as I recalled her. I had just finished the sketch, and was studying it. The likeness seemed pretty good, considering I had merely drawn her from memory.

When I was finished studying it with the eyes of an artist, I merely started seeing it for the person I had depicted sighing as I started to under the portrait, one of my favorite verses from Shakespeare, of whom I was a big fan, despite being a witch and not muggle; not something out of the norm to do. I often wrote quotations, many from Shakespear, in my sketchbook.

_Make me a willow cabin at your gate_  
_And call upon my soul within the house,_  
_Write loyal cantons of contemned love_  
_And sing them loud even in the dead of night,_  
_Hallow your name to the reverberate hills_  
_And make the babbling gossip of the air_  
_Cry out..._

"I thought you were here to see a friend, Kalinda.," I heard a voice say, interrupting me and causing me to snap my book shut. I looked up and tried to smile politely at the grey eyes that looked down upon me while the man's lips were turned into a charming smile. That smile did not reach his eyes, which seemed unable to hide his predatory gaze. "Don't tell me your friend stood you up," he said, though he didn't seem at all concerned about that.

"No, actually I'm just waiting for his lunch break," I replied politely, though with no smile. I felt that for one day, I had done it more than enough.

"I see," he said as he sat next to me. I turned my head slightly and raised a brow at the action. It is rather odd to see THE Lucius Malfoy, sit at a fountain. "I suppose you wouldn't mind if I kept you company for a few minutes, would you?" he asked. I wanted to tell him, well what choice do I have, you've already gotten yourself all settled. However, I didn't think it was wise to aggravate a man with the power of Lucius Malfoy.

"Of course not," I said coolly. He smiled at me, and Merlin, did that man have a smile. I turned away to be able to avoid getting its giddying effects.

"I haven't seen you in a very long time Kalinda, are you still going to Hogwarts?" he asked.

"No, I finished my last year back in June," I replied as I put away my sketchbook to have something to do.

"Really? So you're seventeen?" he asked congenially with a smile.

"Eighteen," I replied a little stiffly, wondering at his sudden interest. When I was child, it's not necessarily that Lucius acted like I was invisible or like a pest. However, he gave me the barest of glances and stiffest of smiles. But I suppose that might've just been because back then he was rather young himself. Actually, now that I thought about it, he was still rather young. He couldn't be more than ten to fifteen years older than me. However, I was fairly certain that he was married and had a child already.

When my mother and he had got together that one time he was not yet even engaged and he was hardly much older than I am now. However, his bearing seemed so mature that it was easy to forget his age. Looking at him, I studied his features. Salazar, he was young. Despite his broad shoulders, tall frame, elegant robes and high position in society, he seemed hardly much older than Severus. In fact, Lucius Malfoy looked to be about the age of my cousin Darius, who was twenty-eight.

"Well now that you've finished school, what are you doing?" he asked with another of his charming smiles, which the more I saw, looked more and more like arrogant smirks.

"As of yet, undecided," I replied monotonously, not really wanting to share with someone I barely even knew, as I looked straight forward at the people passing by. I felt my stomach tightening. Now I was back home and summer on the brink of ending, I was starting to get a little anxiety about what my next step should be. I knew I could work at my dad's shop if I really wanted something to do, but I wasn't actually sure about that being as it meant spending large period of time with him. I love my dad, but I would feel a bit awkward around him. We hardly have much to talk about, other than our muggle tendencies, and I've only nurtured those over the years so I could have a bit more to relate to with my dad about.

"Well, you're young, you have time to decide," he said, to which I merely nodded. "Although, you don't have to. If you so wanted, I'm sure you'd have no trouble marrying a rich man to give you a life of comfort and luxury."

I turned and looked at him and narrowed my gaze. "I don't want to depend on a man," I said icily. I thought this might have vexed him, but his smile only widened.

"I thought so. You're wildly independent, like your mother. It is a rather very attractive quality in a woman," he said as he gazed at me. This comment made me uncomfortable, being as I was aware that in a way, he knew my mother _intimately_. I'm sure there was a double meaning in the comment, or a meaning that was deeper than he expected me to know. "But you're more serious than her, aren't you? Not as open, or social?"

"I suppose."

"You know, even as a child, you were rather quiet. However, still waters run deep, don't they? I bet underneath your cool, calm and collected exterior lies a deep passion. I think it would be a rather amazing sight to see you unraveled," he said, his tone steadily becoming huskier. I bit my lip and without drawing attention, crossed my legs, feeling heat uncoil from my center. Damn, I haven't had sex in three months, and since losing my virginity, this was officially the longest I've gone without sex, if only by a couple weeks. However, the draught was going to be longer considering I wasn't looking for a boyfriend or even a sexual partner... but Lucius Malfoy was sex incarnate.

I felt my cheeks heat up, and at his light chuckle, I felt my irritation finally snap my resolve to be polite. "Mr. Malfoy, I'm not a child, I understand your meaning and your words are now trespassing into sleeziness. Though your attentions are flattering, I'm not interested in being anyone's girlfriend, lover, or anything else at the moment," I said steely as I turned and gave him a hard look. His eyes lidded with lust as he gave me another smirk.

"Very well," he said as he stood, turned and bent before gently taking my hand in his and placing a light kiss on the knuckles before quickly letting go. "But, should you ever change your mind, I'd be delighted to be of service to you," he said before turning and walking swiftly away with a last smile. Despite his previous words, it seemed Lucius still had scraps of a gentlemen in him.

I exhaled in relief, only realizing that my heart was beating hard and not from pleasant excitement. Lucius Malfoy, with all his good looks, class and social standing, could be a rather frightening person, even when he was younger. Honestly, I thought he would threaten me. That had gone better than I thought it would.

Just what in the hell was going on? In the seven years at school, no one had ever showed any interest in me, aside from Snape and that interest came only after I had sex with him the first time. Now, within one summer, I was sexually harassed by two people? What is that about? Or is this to make up for the lack of events in the past several years of my life. Snape didn't count, being he was a lonely, horny, young guy who happened to be a virgin. As for my first, he was like most guys and only wanted sex. And Professor Bell, being as it was entirely one-sided, it didn't even stand to contest. So what was with the sudden interest in me?

Perhaps it was just because it was summer, and I was showing more skin than I could when I was in school. I couldn't possibly believe it was because people really thought I was _that_ attractive. I mean yeah, I have a cute face and nice hair, but my body is really rather slim. I hardly have boobs!

"Hey Kali, are you okay?" I very nearly jumped at the sound of the voice before me. Looking up, I noted the slightly concerned look on Henry's face as he stood before me. Was I really that weirded out that I hadn't noticed his approach and that it apparently showed enough for him to be concerned about me?

"What? Yes, of course, I'm fine," I said as I stood up and hoisted my bag on my left shoulder.

"Kali, we may have only recently started talking once more this summer, but I've watched you enough over the past several years to know when something's up with you," he said with a knowing and teasing smile. I raised a brow at him.

"Oh please," I said skeptically. He raised a brow as though I had challenged him.

"I know your favorite color has never ceased to be purple; that your guilty pleasure is Divination; your best subject being Transfiguration; that you never take off those black cords around your wrists because they make your wrist feel naked," he said, pointing to the cords around my wrist which were like bracelets. "I know that you've become more closed and guarded over the years and that you've never ceased to try and curb your habits. Like you bite your lips considerably less than you used to. And from what I've seen, rarely do that odd thing where you run your fingers over protruding bones."

I was about to bite my lip and inwardly cursed as he chuckled lightly, obviously seeing that I stopped myself just before my teeth sunk into my bottom lip. And that thing, where I touch my accented bones, sometimes I still do it in the night when I'm thinking... it's something that can only happen absentmindedly.

For a moment, I wondered if it was sad that my estranged friend probably noted these things more than Snape ever had. However, I shoved this thought aside. I felt that in the past two days, my thoughts kept wandering to him without meaning to. What was it about being in England that made me think of him, when he wasn't even a blip on my radar all summer?

Internally I merely shrugged at this and turned my attention to Henry. "We should get going, your lunch break is only about forty minutes, we're wasting time," I said as I turned and started walking away. Henry smiled as he skipped to catch up with me.

"See, you're still as bossy as ever," he chuckled. I merely rolled my eyes at this.

**TBC...**


	13. Chapter 13

**Kalinda**

Lunch was... nice. I didn't actually eat very much seeing as I wasn't particularly hungry. And about our summer, we didn't speak about it much, considering in the postcards and letters I wrote to him, I told him enough. However, when he was looking through the sketches I was showing him, his eyes bugged out at a sketch of Lorena. After that, the teasing about her sexual harassment towards me was unending and unmerciful. I was very near to hitting him when he said he would stop after his last comment, which was to say that he'd have given anything to see us go at it.

However, despite all the teasing, lunch was fun. It was so odd... a totally new experience to me to sit, eat and just chat with someone. Even in school when we had been friends, we had done no such thing. And our conversations only ever really took place in the common room when we worked together on our homework as during the day and around school I tended to be too distracted to want to socialize.

Anyway after we finished and walked back to the Ministry, Henry said that now that I was back in England, that we should hangout more often, and not just to have lunch. I merely shrugged and agreed and instead of flooing back home, I took the Knight Bus, which I rather liked. It sort of reminded me of tame version of a roller-coaster. I'd never been on a muggle one, and I always wanted to try one. I mean I know, a roller-coaster couldn't possibly compare to riding on a broom, but that is if you had talent with flying a broom and much as I loathe to admit it, I had no particular talent with riding a broom.

It's not that I was really dreadful at it, but they were hardly comfortable. I didn't particularly like the idea of having hard wood against my ass and pressing harshly against my center. I've always thought that riding a flying carpet would be fun, but they are prohibited in England. I could have had the chance to ride one during my stay in India, but none of my family members had one that was particularly new and functioning properly.

My cousin Rashaun offered to ask one of his friends to lend him one and that he'd take me on a ride, but I told him I didn't want him to trouble himself. He told me it would be no trouble at all... however, I insisted that it was fine and there were plenty of other things for me to do, like sight-seeing.

When I got home, I was surprised to find on the floor a single envelope for me. It's not the receiving mail part that surprised me, considering I'd become accustomed to it all summer with Henry's letters. What surprised me was the slanted, angular script that wrote my name. I recognized it well enough and wondered why the hell Snape was writing to me. I mean, yes I'm aware he said he would, but I hadn't really thought he would. Or at least I had hoped he wouldn't.

Rather instead of wasting time wondering about it, I merely opened the envelope and pulled out the small piece of parchment and unfolded it. On it, was a rather short note and I was rather stunned that looking at Severus' writing and reading it, I really felt nothing. I suppose I was really over it all and that perhaps the only reason I had thought of him at all, was because I had some feeling that he would somehow make his presence known. However, not even reading the parchment evoked a response from me, not even slight vexation towards him.

The note was as follows:

_Dear Kali,_

_I hope this finds you well. I ran into Miss Bigsby in Hogsmead today. She works in an apothecary there. I'm almost sure you haven't spoken to your friend since she left Hogwarts, I thought you might want to know._

_Sincerely,_  
_Severus_

I raised a brow at this and felt the corner of my mouth twitch as a slew of emotions coursed through me, few of which had anything at all to do with Snape. However, I suppose I was rather amused by his note. Straight and to the point. The man was really never going to change. I shook my head at this as I headed up the stairs towards my room and pondered what all underlined this letter and its news.

It was nice to hear of Calla, however brief, and know something of her. I mean... despite everything I had considered her a friend as I had no one else since Henry. When she left school, I had no idea what had become of her. I had my own issues to deal with, not to mention NEWTs. I figured she must be home and was probably fine. However, I had missed her and felt angry at her for just leaving and never bothering to say anything to me.

I suppose I could somewhat understand that. No matter what she said, I knew that she really felt something strong for Severus and I was an obstacle. I know she hurt at the fact that he chose me over her at the time, and so I could understand her not contacting me. Hell, perhaps the reason simply wasn't that, but because she had actually found something to do and was busy. Whatever the case, I could understand. However, that didn't take all those feelings away.

So she was in Hogsmead? I briefly wondered if I should visit her, however, didn't really want to being as I did resent her slightly for just up and leaving. Clearly she didn't care much for our _friendship_, if it could be considered that, so why should I try to rekindle it? Besides... it was so odd. She was in Hogsmead, rather close to Severus. It seemed like a scheme to be near him. Sometimes I wondered if perhaps the reason I got along with Calla was because she should have been in Slytherin, because honestly she never struck me as hardworking like typical Hufflepuffs.

I didn't really care if she was there just to be near Snape. I wasn't even curious as to whether or not they actually had an encounter and what had occurred or how long she had been there in Hogsmead. However, I couldn't deny that despite everything... I was curious to know how she was.

Placing my bag on the end of my bed, I walked around it and lay down. Briefly, I skimmed over the letter, wondering if I missed anything. I carefully looked at any vital information before scrunching up the parchment into a ball and chucking it. I watched it float through the air for a brief moment as I swiftly pulled out my wand and pointed at it. Before it managed to reach the floor I made it vanish.

Working in an apothecary in Hogsmead, huh? Well if I were to visit, that was all I really needed to know. And if I did decide on visit her, it would have to wait until school started up. I had absolutely no desire to run into Severus in Hogsmead. I may not feel much of anything for the man, but the residue of what I once felt, but that did not mean I wished to see him again.

Later that evening, it seemed that even if I had wanted to see her, I wouldn't have been able to. My parents wanted us to head to Falmouth to see my brother before the summer was over, as we usually did. I had no real particular desire to go, and not simply because it meant seeing my brother or wanted to not run into my ex, or rather my first. He wasn't even on the same team as my brother anymore. He had joined the Chudley Canons, and the only reason I knew this was because when it happened my brother griped about it quite a bit. He didn't like players that traded teams. He took being on a team too seriously and considered it changing allegiances as though they were in war, something unforgivable.

Though I hadn't seen my brother in a long time, and could not hate him for breaking Professor Bell's heart, as I knew he would, I had no desire to see him. I knew that it would only make my thoughts and longing for her intensify and every time I looked at my brother, who was dating several other girls, I couldn't help but wonder how on earth Professor Bell had not been enough from him.

I was bored most of the time I spent there as I had not brought Pandora with me because I thought it had the potential to lead to awkward situations with my brother. For a week, I felt like I would go out of my mind, but it did serve some purpose. The mystery, of what had happened between him and Professor Bell was solved. See my brother keeps anything in which he comes out in, he's that much of a vain arse. So at his place, I found a wizarding tabloid, which contained a picture of him partying with several girls, one of which was on his lap and seemed to be licking his ear. Its date of publication was near to the end of the previous school year, and I wondered if Professor Bell had seen this and had been the reason why things had ended between them. After all, the picture was rather unsavory and I could just imagine what seeing it would do to someone in love.

Knowing the reason for their break-up, though, did not change anything. Actually, made me feel all the worse for Professor Bell and I hoped that wherever she was, that she was doing all right... I hoped that she had gotten over it and was happy. More than seeing her and being with her, I desired that. Just for her to be happy.

While I was visiting with my brother, I wrote to Henry, but there really wasn't much to tell. I did inform him that I would be returning home on August 31st. He wrote and told me he was jealous that I was surrounded by professional Quidditch players. When I wrote to him, I told him that I'd switch places with him in a heartbeat, that I rather be a slave to the ministry than surrounded by a bunch of Quidditch players who had a penchant for being too aggressive. I mean really what could you expect of the Falmouth Falcons, whose team motto was "_Let us win, but if we cannot win, let us break a few heads."_

The day after I returned home, I kept thinking of Hogwarts. In seven years, this was the first time I was not headed to Hogwarts and it felt so strange. I was oddly melancholic as I roamed around the house. I was near to ripping the hair out of my head as I wandered around after several hours of restless reading, watching some tele and listening to muggle music... the two forms in which my love for muggles was most noticeable... well apart from muggle literature. Can you blame me, most wizarding music is terrible. Celestina Warbeck makes me want to puke. I'm rather drawn to my father's favorites, the greatest of which were the Beatles.

That day, I also spent hours in bed, tossing and turning, simply trying to figure out what I was supposed to do now. The idea of joining my dad in the shop got more and more unappealing. Its not that I don't want to be around my rather, because I adore him, I do. But I just don't know what to talk to him about for long periods of time. Around six to eight hours a day on a daily basis... I don't think either of us would survive it and even though my father's business does well enough, there are definitely times during the day the shop is absolutely dead and.. what then?

But then what did that leave? I could work at the ministry, and I wouldn't be likely to see my mom constantly so that would be a plus. But the Ministry has tons of people and I'm not a people person. I'd be constantly surrounded and ... I can't take that. At least in school I had many reprieves from being around people, at the Ministry, there were none. And I think if I saw Henry on a daily basis, I'd want to kill him. And I don't want to increase the chances of seeing Mr. Malfoy.

So what does that leave? I don't want to look after sick people or have people's lives in my hands, required by all Healers; I don't want to put my life in danger every day by being an Auror; I'm not fond enough of creatures to want to deal with them; I'm not a fan of Herbology or Potions to deal with fields that involved one or the other, though usually require both; what the hell does that leave?

I don't think I'm cut out for dealing with people, in the setting where I have to cater to them, so that seems to cut out shops. The only thing that seems to be left is... teaching and working for a publication. The problem with the latter is I hate journalism. I could always write a book... but I think I lack the discipline required to finish stories. I've written some... in my head at least, never finished anything and I don't think I would. Besides, the few bits and pieces of poetry I've written in my sketchbooks, never meet my high expectations. So that seems out of the question, not like its easy anyway. Being an editor for something might work... but I have slight trouble with my eyes, so I probably wouldn't be the greatest of editors. Besides, once again the issue of dealing with people comes in here. Not to mention my extreme pickyness... I can't read just anything.

Teaching, I'd never considered it. I can't see myself standing in front of a class, lecturing... but then again being as I'm not far different from Snape and he does, however... hard-handedly and discouragingly... I'm sure I could do it. Probably even better than him because I wouldn't intimidate like he does. But I hate the idea of being couped up in a school year round.

You'd think I'd be used to that considering I went to a boarding school for seven years, but perhaps that's even a better reason. I spent seven years, imprisoned in the same place, surrounded by the same people, I wanted to get away. I wouldn't voluntarily put myself in that situation and as my cousin Kyra told me last Christmas, there are few to no wizarding schools that allow one to teach and live off school premises. I suppose I could go to teach at the school my cousin Kyra goes to, but there seem to be issues with that as well.

Kyra is teaching at that specific school, which teaches their students English, but they're not fluent enough in English for me to be able to teach there. Besides the subject Kyra teaches, revolves around math, which is universal and even the terms of Arithmancy varies very little in all languages, if at all. Besides, what would I teach? I wasn't particularly fond of any subject. Well aside from History of Magics, Charms and... as Henry called it, my guilty-pleasure Divination.

History of Magics would definitely be out of the question, being as what I learned in Hogwarts is a Eurocentric view of Magical history. I know virtually nothing of Japaneses Magical History. Besides, History requires lots of lecturing, more than any other subject, which would mean I would have to be fluent in the language. Divination... I think my face would fall off in embarrassment if anyone else found out I found it a fascinating subject. Charms... that could be doable if you considered it was vastly practical.

It seemed like too much work, but considering it was the only thing that even vaguely seemed appealing and doable and required the most thought from me, I thought perhaps it was worth looking into. Who know's, perhaps I could find a school I wouldn't mind so much being cooped up in. Or perhaps Kyra wasn't as thorough in her search as she should have been. If it even really had to come down to it, maybe I should pay Kyra a visit in Japan.

Food for thought, certainly. Even finding something remotely plausible did something to put my mind at some ease. Besides, I was only just newly eighteen... I was young, especially in the wizarding world. I had time to figure it out.

**Calla**

Finally, Friday came, which meant I had the next two days off. Hans offered to work the weekend for me for extra wages which I had no problem doing though I had to do it under the table because Hum Tate would most certainly not approve. Hans said he could handle it and I so desperately wanted the rest. Working nonstop was finally catching up to me, that and the added stress of what I would do when I saw Snape again didn't help.

Part of me hoped Snape wouldn't show up even though he had no classes to teach for the weekend. After what Emmy told me, I was almost certain he didn't want me anymore and wouldn't show up. But then I got to thinking about what he'd done to Kalinda. When he was with her, he still carried on with me. That thought only made my anger worse.

"You should go home, Calla," Hans told me. I was busy finishing up stocking for the weekend so he wouldn't have to worry about it. If all else failed, I was just round back, I figured but I didn't want to be bothered. We had already flipped over the "OPEN" sign to "CLOSED" and Hans was counting the register, a job I normally did but now entrusted Hans to do so.

"Why, so you can steal all of that money?" I called back to him in a teasing manner. Hum Tate had so many anti theft charms set up on that register it was impossible to so much as sneak a goddamn breadcrumb from it. Trust me, as much as I hated to admit it, I'd tried to steal a few coins for a drink after work once and ended up with blue stains all over the front of my shirt and it stained my skin for a week afterward. I was so ashamed, I wore gloves until it faded away.

"I've come to the conclusion that you are overworked-hang on." The chimes above the door tinkled, signaling that someone had come in. From my standpoint, I couldn't see who it was but my blood froze cold in my veins because I knew exactly who it was. "We're closed, sir."

"Shit," I whispered.

"I know. I'm not illiterate, I can read the sign," I heard Snape's voice say. The mere sound of his voice made me begin to grind my teeth. "I'm looking for Calla. Have you seen her?"

Before Hans could answer him, I made a mad dash for the door. I was almost all the way around back before Snape caught up to me. I could hear him calling after me but I didn't stop until he hit me with a tripping jinx and I fell face first into the ground. I picked myself up, dusted myself off, took a deep breath and faced him. To my complete surprise, Snape looked livid.

"Just who in the hell was that?" He demanded. I was confused for a moment, not really sure who he was talking about until it dawned on me that he was asking about Hans.

"Hans," I answered in a near whisper. "Hum Tate insisted on hiring on some help, so I did."

"And you chose him?"

"Why should that even matter?" I knew perfectly well why it should matter. Hans was very handsome. I wasn't completely blind or numb between the legs, so yes, I had noticed, but I was pretty sure he was gay. Not that I felt that I should have to explain that to Snape. "Besides, you're one to talk."

"What's that supposed to mean?" His glare was ferocious but mine was even more severe.

"I mean, I know about your little excursion into town the other day." He looked startled and I just sneered. "Oh, yes, I know all about it. Emmy Rose, your old friend from Hogwarts, told me about it."

"There's a rational explanation-"

"No there's not!" I cut across him in a shrill tone. "Don't try and schmooze your way out of this because it isn't going to work! I'm incredibly pissed off with you and you'd do well to keep that in mind!"

I spun around quickly and headed round back. I got inside my flat and slammed the door shut and locked it. I peeked out the front window and jumped back quickly as Snape was standing there looking absolutely furious, which he had absolutely no right to be.

"Open the door, Calla!" He called.

"Fuck you!" I snarled. The doorknob started shaking violently. I don't know what possessed me to duck, but I wasn't expecting the door to explode into splinters. I shouted out in fear as wood rained down upon me like a sadistic rain shower.

"You should've opened the fucking door!" He snarled down at my cowering form. He then pulled me up to face him. "Now let me explain. Sit."

Snape pushed me back on to my bed and I let myself fall. Even though I did not want him there, he'd made it apparent that he was going to have his say, even if I wasn't going to hear a word of it. I wasn't going to get un-pissed off.

"She's married, Snape. She doesn't want you!" I growled at him.

"I know she's married. Shut up and let me talk." He paced in front of me as though he were trying to collect his thoughts. "I just happened to know she likes art."

"I like art," I said defensively. "You could've just as easily taken me!"

"Well, now I know that it was a serious lapse of judgement on my part. I _should've _asked you, but I didn't and I admit that it was wrong."

"You're not making a very good case for your self."

He ignored that. "She was nice to me when a lot of people weren't."

I'm not exactly sure why he thought that would make me feel better.

"I knew she was married but I expected her to be more mature about it. I thought she'd be able to go with me as _friends _but apparently she didn't see it that way."

"So you don't have feelings for her." He stopped to think for a moment and then shook his head. I rolled my eyes. "You are so full of shit!"

"I did at one point, I'll admit that but it wasn't anything serious and it was easy to forget about her. Inviting her to that exhibition was just a pathetic attempt at trying to re-connect with my past."

I let my guard down for a moment. He at least seemed to be genuine. At least he was being honest with me but I wasn't sure what to believe. If he had feelings towards her, he wouldn't admit to it. Not to me anyway. The thought only made my anger rise again.

"So what am I to you then? Even if what you're saying is true, the fact was that you were in the village and you didn't come to see me."

"I could tell you the truth but it'd just upset you even more."

I just stared at him, half amazed and half disgusted. What more to this could there possibly be and how much more upset could I possibly get? Snape seemed to sense what I was thinking. His shoulders slumped as though he'd just grown tired of having to deal with me and my anger.

"I saw him."

"Saw who? What are you going on about?" I asked him.

"I saw _him! _Him! The man in the shop!" He snarled in annoyance. Like I'm supposed to read his mind and know what he's thinking exactly what he's thinking it. He meant Hans. I rolled my eyes. "I stopped by the shop, to ask you if you wanted to go to the exhibition and I saw you and him in there, having a laugh!"

"He's a funny guy," I said with a shrug. "We're always having a laugh."

"After that last row we had, I thought maybe you'd just given up on me and went and found some one else, so I thought I'd go find some one else, hoping that if I talked enough about you to her, she'd come and find you and say something!" Snape's face had flushed and he looked as though he were about to puke because of what he'd just said.

His confession should have made me scream at him with rage. I should've kicked his arse out the door for trying to manipulate me like that. I was drained, however. I was tired of being angry with him. It seemed pointless to remain angry and despite the fact that him using some one else to get at me was horrible and cruel, it touched me that he cared enough about me to do that.

"The logical thing to do would've been to come in and talk to me before you just assumed things," I told him in a tired voice. "You could've saved myself and yourself a heart ache."

"That's not the point," he bit back at me.

"I honestly don't think there is a point to any of this," I said with a slight scowl.

I knew what had to be done. I took a breath and willed myself to say it before I had time to think it over or second guess myself. Once it was out there, there was no taking it back.

"Look," I continued. "I think this is getting way out of hand. I think you were right when you said that it might not be wise to jump into something so fast, especially after you and Kalinda split not that long ago."

"What?" Snape's face had gone slightly pink. I instantly wanted to eat my words but in my heart I knew what I was doing was probably the right thing to do.

"I'm suggesting that we put things on hold for a while. So far all we've managed to do is fuck and hurt each other's feelings and I hate to say it but it's not very healthy. We shouldn't be doing this so soon. We're not supposed to bicker and argue until we're old and senile and you've misplaced something and think the help has stolen it and then blame it on me for insisting we hire a maid in the first place."

"You don't want to be with me," he stated in a flat voice. I shook my head violently at him.

"No, no and no! That's not what I'm trying to tell you at all. I _want _to be with you. I just don't think it's very, you know, kosher."

"It's him isn't it?"

"What?" I was truly baffled at how fast he went from being docile, albeit a prick nonetheless, to a full blown rage addict. It was like a fucked up psychological thriller/drama. "This has nothing to do with Hans! This is exactly what I'm talking about. You don't trust me and if you can't trust me, how are we supposed to survive with each other?"

"Is this really what you want?" Snape asked as he made his way slowly to the door. He touched the nob. My answer would determine whether or not he turned it and walked out.

"Yes," I said. "It's what I want."

"Fine," he hissed and threw the door open. "But don't think for one second that I'd ever have you again!"

Snape slammed the door after him and all I could do was stand there and watch him retreating away angrily from the window. I wanted to chase after him and tell him I was joking, that it was all a test to see what he'd do but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew I shouldn't. I suppose there really is no easy way to torture yourself.

XX

I thought perhaps that after our huge row the night before, I'd never hear from Snape again. I was sure he was finished with me though he had absolutely no right to be angry with me, especially over harmless Hans. I'm pretty sure that the only time Hans ever saw a breast, a baby was attached and he probably didn't much care for it then either.

I'd went against my word and went into the shop the next day anyway. Hans tried to push me out but after I explained what had happened the night before, he seemed to understand that I needed to talk and that I didn't really want to be alone. Under any other circumstance, I'd hide away and not tell a soul as to what was bothering me, but Hans seemed to have this ability to listen like he really cared and wasn't pretending to be interested like most other people did. I hated it when people would yammer on about their problems and then get angry when I didn't have a solution they liked. But I didn't want an answer from Hans. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

"I told you so," he said after I'd finished. "I told you it wasn't a good idea to begin with. I'm just happy you were able to get yourself out before things got out of hand."

"I'm not so sure I am," I said glumly. Not a soul had entered the shop since I'd walked in which annoyed me. Hans said he'd been extremely busy up until ten minutes before I'd showed face. But I was also grateful. I didn't want anyone else overhearing. "I love him."

Hans made a face. "You think you love him."

"I don't think. I know. I've never been in love but I'm certain."

"If you've never been in love, how would you know?"

I stuck my tongue out at him and tried to hide the fact that he was actually starting to piss me off. I knew how felt but I also knew what was right. I didn't want to be miserable. Sure, I was miserable now, but it would get better wouldn't it? Time heals all wounds, I've been told.

"Oh, you got a letter from your grandmother," Hans said as he reached behind the counter. He handed me an envelope which I reluctantly took. I wondered what sort of shit I was in now as I opened it up. Thankfully, it was just a letter to remind me that there was another local merchant meeting at the Three Broomsticks that night and that Hum Tate would really prefer it if I went. It wasn't an outright command but I knew I really didn't have a say in the matter. Hell, I didn't really have anything else to do anyway.

The meeting was actually extremely boring, aside from a tall burly wizard getting entirely too drunk and entirely too loud. Emmy Rose tried to capture my attention but I ignored her and sat at a table by myself and brooded. The meeting ended after two hours and the drunken burly wizard had to be escorted out by a couple of friends. One by one, the merchants cleared out and eventually, aside from a few regular patrons I'd seen in there before, I was the only one left. I didn't want to go home. So I stayed and had a few of drinks. I was nice and tipsy when Snape walked in and made a beeline straight for my table.

"Oh, well, fuck," I muttered under my breath. I thought about ducking under the table but time seemed to slow down and my thoughts seemed to becoming half a second too late. He'd already seen me. I thought the next best thing was to pretend he was invisible and pretend that I didn't notice him. I hummed to myself and swayed in my seat but unfortunately I swayed a little bit too hard and ended up falling out of my chair. My world went completely nuts when I tried to get up and smacked my forehead on the edge of the table. So much for trying to be invisible. Wait, I was trying to pretend _he _was invisible. Well, needless to say, I was completely fucked up.

"Are you drunk?" Snape asked with a stern eye.

"Well just what in the hell does it look like?" I rubbed the steadily growing knot on my forehead in annoyance. The bastard didn't even offer to help me up but I managed to get back in my seat anyway. "What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you." He sat down across from me and eyed the half empty glass in front of me. "What are you drinking?"

"I'm not entirely sure," I said. I picked up the glass and took a deep swig and spat it back out. "Brandy. Definitely brandy. Disgusting."

"I think you're entirely overworked and it's affecting your ability to think straight, so I thought I'd come back to talk to you after you've had some rest."

"Oh please." I rolled my eyes. "That's not the way to start a conversation in which you're going to try and change my mind. I'm overworked and can't think straight? That makes it sound like I was being irrational."

"That's because you were," he said. It was at that point the room began to spin uncontrollably. I tried my hardest to focus but everything was getting rather fuzzy. The next thing I knew there was a cup of coffee being shoved into my hands. I took a sip without thinking. I woke up instantly, surprised by the hot liquid. At first, I wondered where I was. I saw Snape and it came back to me. I sat back in my chair and tried to collect my thoughts. "Are you better?"

"What?"

"You dozed off, Calla."

"I'm sorry," I said and took another gulp of coffee. "What were you saying?"

"I was saying that perhaps you should talk things out with me now that you've had some rest but I can clearly see that it's a huge mistake."

"You're angry," said Captain Obvious, AKA me. "Right. Of course you're angry. You're always fucking angry."

"I refuse to wait for you to grow up!"

"Well don't!" I was on my feet now, feeling extremely heated. It was like a repeat of the night before and I wasn't in the mood for it. "I'm not going to make myself miserable over a casual fuck!"

The whole room went quiet and it was then that I realized how loud I was getting and Snape was clearly embarrassed. He had slunk back in his seat as though trying to hide though we were both clearly in sight of every one.

"Sit down," he hissed at me. I thought about snapping back and continuing to yell because god it felt good. But at the same time I wasn't exactly enjoying the attention either. So I plopped back down and ended up spilling what was left of my coffee. Snape vanished the mess with his wand as though it were nothing but a slight itch on the nose. "You don't mean that."

"The hell I don't," I said. "That's all it is and you know it. The only reason you come around is because you want to get laid and you only come around when you want to come around so not only is it just a casual fuck, it's a casual fuck on _your _terms!"

"You must not think much of me."

"You're right. I don't. You haven't really given me a chance to form a different opinion."

"So what exactly do you think of me?" Snape asked quietly as he stared me down intensely. A man at the bar coughed slightly. I took the chance to avert my gaze towards him rather than to Snape.

"Well, you want the honest-to-God-truth or do you want me to sugarcoat it?"

"By all means, please be completely honest," said Diplomatic Snape.

"I think you're a possessive womanizer. You treat everyone who has any ounce of feeling for you like dirt. You're manipulative and would knock down your own mother to get what you want, the way you want and when you want. Brother, that is not a good way to be," I said. "You, sir, are a grade A prick and I mean that in the least flattering way possible."

"Is that all?" I expected him to completely blow up at me but he was surprisingly calm. I was slightly nonplussed by his reaction. "Because if that's all, it's all completely negotiable."

"Beg pardon?"

"I'd rather not elaborate here. Why don't we go back to your house and discuss this further without the threat of being overheard."

"See, there you go, being all manipulative. Just how can you be certain I even want you at my place?"

He gave me a look that made me challenge all of my morals and don't ask why or how. Let's just say I was still perhaps a teensy bit drunk and more than a little tired of the bullshit. I just wanted things to be okay, whether or not that involved Snape in my life.

I wasn't sure why he was so adamant about not ending things or why he even thought that's what I wanted. I didn't want to end things, I just needed time to think and perhaps get to know myself a bit better, but as far as I could tell getting to know myself wasn't as great as I thought it was. So far I'd found out that I was a complete nutcase, which I knew before, but now I was more aware of it which only made me even more of a nutcase. For fucksakes, I was sleeping with a man who was once my teacher! You cannot get anymore fucked up than that. The only piece of solace I was able to find in that was that he was just as fucked up as me if not more.

So we walked back to my house, neither of us saying anything. It wasn't so late that everybody was in bed but it was late enough that nobody was out wondering the streets, so we were virtually alone, save for a few stray animals in the village. A couple of cats started following us and I pondered the thought of keeping one as a pet until I realized the only reason they were following me was because of a package of catnip that I had in my back pocket. I took the packet out and emptied it on the ground in front of the cats and they immediately started rolling around in it, acting as though everything in the world was just fucking dandy. Cat ganja. Good shit. I made a mental note to have Hum Tate's herbalists grow a bigger stock. I could make a fortune with pet owners.

We got to my front door and I stopped. I was starting to rethink letting him inside. What could it lead to? Sex? More arguing? Neither were all that desirable at that point.

"What's wrong?" Snape asked.

I shook my head and said, "I'm not sure if I should let you in or not."

He didn't reply. He pushed ahead of me, opened the door and walked inside with so much authority it made me weak at the knees. I guess I had a thing for authority. Who knew? I knew that this was not going to go well at all, especially if all I could think about what him taking over and commanding me. Which is exactly what he did once I finally managed to walk inside. Before I knew what was happening, I was being pushed into the bed and he was snogging my face off. I was so out of it, I couldn't stop him but I didn't exactly want him to stop. My body's response was completely overwhelmed with the sexual chemistry between the two of us.

The sex was angry, borderline violent but erotic nonetheless. By the time it was over, we were both panting and I was still sort of whimpering and quivering from the intensity of it all. I was completely sober by the time we'd finished and he'd rolled off of my sweaty body. Snape grabbed a sheet and wrapped it around himself and sat at the small table I'd found a few days before, looking as though he were ready to start talking business. I felt as though my back were glued to the mattress.

"So did you mean all of that you said?"

"Every word of it," I said in a raspy voice. I was still out of breath. But I looked up and Snape looked as though I'd kicked his dog, partially hurt and partially stumped as to why I'd go and do such a thing. I really didn't care at that point. I didn't know the full details of his and Kalinda's relationship but I knew he'd done some pretty fucked up things to her as well and deserved it for her as well as myself.

"That's not very fair, Calla."

"What do you mean not fair?" I sat up and glared at him. For some reason, he couldn't exactly look me in the eye. I wondered if it wasn't because he felt guilty but more realistically, it probably was because I was completely naked. "What's not fair is the way you treat me. What's not fair is that I have to put up with it. This is exactly why I was trying to put a hold on things, to make you think."

I started to pick up his clothes for him. They were strewn about all over the place as we'd just started ripping each other's clothes off. I apparently had a better throwing arm than I'd thought because I found his main robes on top of my bookcase across the room.

"What are you-" Snape started to ask but then I threw his clothes at him. He was completely bewildered and really, there's nothing more insulting than being slapped in the face with your own underthings.

"Out." I said. "Get out."

He just stared at me which only annoyed me further. I had been trying to hold back my temper but it wasn't working very well.

"Seriously, get the fuck out of my home before I _make _you get the fuck out."

"You're just going to throw me out after we just-"

"Well...I guess I am, aren't I?" I asked vaguely, purposely trying to annoy him. "You weren't planning on staying the night were you?"

"Well if you must know, yes, I was."

"Well that's just too bad isn't? Now get out."

"Aren't you going to let me put my clothes on first?"

I really had to think about that one for a second. I could've kicked him out completely naked. I was perfectly capable of being that big of a bitch but then I thought to myself that perhaps I could do the man at least one favor. This night wasn't going to get any better for him. So, I stood there with my hand on my hip as I gave him a look and tapped my foot, waiting for him to get dressed. He shot me a dirty look and dressed slowly. When he was finally fully clothed, I opened the door, completely disregarding the fact that I was naked myself. An old man who was across the way happened to be outside, doing what I wasn't sure but he took a good long hard gander, his jaw dropped. I didn't shut the door, figuring this was probably the highlight of his life and that he was married to some old shrew who shrieked at him constantly. I stood there, proud of my nakedness, as he hurried back inside.

"For God's sake, Calla," Snape said, giving me a disgusted look.

"Good night," I said dismissively and began to shut the door. He stopped it with his hand and managed to squeeze the door open again.

"Wait," Snape said and closed the door behind him as to not keep exposing my nudity to the world. "Before you kick me out completely, I need to ask you something."

"What?"

"The art exhibition. Did you want to go?"

I stared at him for a moment, unsure of what to say or think of it. Honestly, art wasn't really my thing, it really seemed to be more Kali's cup of tea. But the chance of getting out and doing something with _him _was tempting but after he'd asked Emmy first, I wasn't too keen on accepting. It really seemed more like I was plan B, the second choice or the last resort which didn't make me feel too great about myself.

"I dunno. When is it?"

"October. The nineteenth through the twenty-sixth. It's open to the public for free during the day but there's a gala on the first night to raise funds for a charity. It's not too terribly exclusive and I can manage to get the both of us in if you'd like to go."

"You want to go with me to some fancy gala?" I raised an eyebrow at him, thinking that this was a joke. If it was a joke he looked genuinely sincere and not very confident, like he fully expected me to laugh in his face, which I almost did. I grinned stupidly, thinking about how ridiculous we would look all dressed up. Not to mention the fact that he'd be completely out of his element amongst a bunch of bejeweled old rich people.

"What's so funny?" Snape asked. "If you don't want to go, I'm not going to force you. All you have to say is no."

"It's not that, I swear, I'm not laughing at you." I took a moment to compose myself but I couldn't keep from smiling, caught up by a sudden moment of affection for the poor lad. It made me feel better that if I said no, it would crush him. "But, yeah, I'll go."

"It's formal, just so you know," he said, sounding like his old condescending self again. He must've doubted that I had anything formal to wear at all and well, he was right about that. I didn't. That just meant I had to go shopping which wasn't really what I liked to do. I had over a month, so I put it out of my mind for the moment.

"Is that all or are you going to make more excuses to stay?"

"No, that's all." He shook his head slowly. "...Only, I wanted to say thank you."

"For what?"

"For going with me to that gala."

"We haven't gone yet. I could change my mind."

"I think not," Snape said. "I've already paid for the tickets."

"For you and Emmy Rose or for you and me?"

"For me and whomever I could manage to get to go with me. I was hoping you. I didn't expect Emmy to agree to anything. She's pregnant."

I quirked an eyebrow. "...And you know this how?"

"I have my resources, don't question them." He started to turn toward the door but then stopped short and looked back up at me. "Listen, Calla, I'm sorry for this whole mess. Had I known you'd react how you reacted, I wouldn't have done it."

I sighed and pressed my fingers into my temples. "How on earth did you expect me to react? Seriously? Did you think I'd be happy about it?"

"No," Snape admitted. "I didn't. I didn't think about how you'd react. I just did it without thinking at all."

"You could've saved yourself a load of trouble if you'd said that to begin with. Have you ever heard that saying 'he who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones'? I think that applies to this situation." He stared at me blankly. "What I'm trying to say what we have is fragile. It was never solid. When you take something like asking other women out to fuck with me, you're taking a rock and hurling it at the wall. It's basic physics. That wall is going to break. I don't think it's completely shattered but there's a huge crack in it at any rate."

"But it can be repaired, can it not?"

"It could but glass doesn't just grow back and heal. You can't just stick a piece of tape on it and call it good. Over time, cracks grow, you know."

"I think I understand," he said. "But you have to let me come around. I can't do anything to fix it unless you let me."

"Just go, okay? I just need time to think, I'll write."

And so he left, without another word. There was so much I could've told him but I didn't want to be up all night. Then he would've won. I don't know why I was so obsessed with getting the last word in. I suppose it gave me a sense of control.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Review!


	14. Chapter 14

**Calla**

This time I felt good about things. I didn't think love was supposed to be miserable, though a lot of people seemed to think it should be. I guess being miserable makes things interesting but I'd rather be boring and happy. I told Hans that the next day and he just smiled dumbly at me like I was simple or something which rather confused me.

"What?" I asked him. "Am I not supposed to be happy?"

"No, nothing like that," Hans said. "But you're fooling yourself into thinking that people change. They don't. Not at the drop of a hat. You know nothing about this man and his past."

"I know enough," I sniffed. "He's not stupid, Hans. He knows that if he doesn't do something, he loses me."

"And then what? Do you think that's enough for him? Did you ever stop and wonder if losing you was a big loss to him?"

Now _that _stung. I seriously wanted to slap Hans for that. How dare he make me question my self-worth? I did enough of that on my own, thanks very much.

"What the fuck is your problem, mate? What's your issue? You don't even _know _the guy."

Hans seemed to realize he'd said the wrong thing and that it could quite possibly cost him his job. I suddenly realized I needed to stop with the boss-is-your-friend thing and man the fuck up and be a do-your-fucking-job-with-no-shit-or-else-you're-fucking-sacked boss.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line," he said stiffly. "But I just don't want to see him pull one over on you and you get hurt."

"What happens to me, happens to _me_, got it? If he does pull one over on me, it's my doing. I'm perfectly able of taking care of myself. You on the other hand have yet to restock the prenatal care section which I told you to do the other day," I said with my best scowl.

"The shipment didn't come in," Hans said with an icy glare.

"What do you mean the shipment didn't come in? Do you know those herbs are our top sellers? Do you know how many pregnant women there are around here? Lots! People _depend _on those herbs to take care of themselves!"

"It's beyond my control, Madam Bigsby."

"Beyond your control? _Beyond your control? _You can investigate it, can't you?"

"No disrespect intended but you're the one who orders the stock, not me. I haven't the slightest on where it even comes from. I'm here to stock the shelves and to take the money."

"Oh." I said, realizing what a twat I sounded like. "I'm sorry, Hans. I don't mean to be so...bitchy. I swear it's not that time of the month...I'm just stressed."

"I understand," Hans said with a small smile. I smiled back at him.

"I guess I should go figure out what the fuck is going on with my stock, huh?"

"There are alot of pregnant women in the village," Hans said in a mock-business tone. "It's our duty to supply them with what they need to take care of themselves."

"Right you are."

After a sufficient amount of rifling through the tremendous piles of inventory order forms and shipment statements, I was able to determine that the shipment had not in fact come in when it was supposed to and that we were almost out of all of our prenatal herbs and tincture mixes. No inventory at all meant no sales at all which was not good. It was supposed to have come three days beforehand, two days after I'd placed the initial order. It took me a while to find the copy of the order form I'd made but eventually, I found it in the pile of parchment under my desk. I told my self for the five millionth time that I really needed to get organized.

"This is no good," I muttered. Since I did not get the order like I was supposed to, there must've been some sort of mistake at headquarters in frigging Italy. If I wanted to straighten this out, I had to Floo Hum Tate in frigging Italy and International Flooing took for goddamn ever. I sighed,lit a fire in the fireplace there in the back office, tossed some Floo Powder in, stuck my head in and five minutes later, my arse was in England and my head was in Italy.

Sitting in my grandmother's receptionist office was my arch enemy, Elyse. She was sitting behind a desk with her nose buried in a magazine.

Now, I've got to say something about Elyse. She was a cunt in the worst sort of way and not to mention the sycophant from hell. She moved with my grandmother from England to Italy when she moved Headquarters. Her nose was stuck so far up Hum Tate's arse that they were almost conjoined twins. And Elyse hated me. Don't ask why, but from the first time she met me, she put a target on my head. Not that she was openly aggressive but she did her damned best to make my work life a living hell and I'd bet you five to nine she was behind me not getting my shipment on time.

"I need to see my grandmother," I said, I was trying to sound some what professional but the truth was the sight of the brunette bimbo really made me want to hurl. She was wearing bright pink robes, something I thought my grandmother would never approve of, and loads of carefully applied make up. Don't get me wrong, she was reasonably attractive but it looked like she was made of plastic. She didn't look real.

"Oh, it's you," Elyse said dully when she finally looked up from her magazine. "Madame Tate is rather busy. You'll have to try back later."

"Oh come off it. She's my _grandmother. _How do you know this isn't a family emergency?"

"Is it?" She raised a thin, drawn in eyebrow.

"It could be for all you know."

Elyse sighed with annoyance, stood up and entered my grandmother's office. I smiled smugly though she wasn't around to see it. Getting the best of her was the icing on top of one fuck up of a weekend. I was supposed to be relaxing and taking the piss was just as good if not better.

"Stupid cow," I said out loud just as Hum Tate came in.

"I beg your pardon?" Hum Tate asked in an apalled tone. From behind her, Elyse made a face. Immature girl.

"Oh, I wasn't talking to you, sorry Gran," I said with a wince. "I was cursing myself because I just realized I've gone and left my oven on."

"What's the problem, Calla? I'm busy."

"Yeah, Elyse told me. I just have a small problem. Some of my items didn't get shipped to me like they were supposed to and well, it's rather important that I get them soon because my stock is almost completely gone. It's the prenatal line that I always order on the twenty-eighth of the month."

"Oh, Calla, why didn't you say something sooner?" Hum Tate asked. "I told you, if there's a problem you need to report it _immediately!_"

"Well, I would've but I've only just realized. We can sit here and place the blame on me or we can do something about it."

My grandmother was pretty formidable and speaking to her like this under any other circumstance was likely to get me killed but when it came to her business, she was all about results. And this honestly was not my fault. Hum Tate realized this. Instead of chewing me out further, she turned to Elyse.

"Go pull last month's shipping orders from Hogsmeade, Miss Blackwell. I want to know what's happened to it and why it didn't make it."

"Please do, Miss Blackwell," I said sweetly.

"Calla," Hum Tate said with an edge of warning in her voice. She knew perfectly well about the animosity between myself and Elyse, she just chose to ignore it, but when it got in the way of business, she did care about it.

"Sorry," I muttered though inside I was weeping with joy at the look of pure hatred on Elyse's face when she looked at me again. God, that felt so good.

Hum Tate took a seat behind Elyse's desk and casually leaned back, something I hardly ever witnessed. I knew I was about to get some sort of talking to.

"Calla," she said once more, though her tone was much softer and just a tiny bit maternal. She placed her withered yet elegant brown hands on the desk of almost the same color of brown in front of her. Since I was just a wee bit stoned, I noticed this and it made my head spin slightly. "When is the last time you spoke to your mother?"

"I...haven't had the slightest. I've written her a few times."

"She's worried about you. She says you don't write often or ever come to see her since you left Hogwarts early. I think she thinks you're going through some sort of crisis."

"Merlin, I'm not about to off myself, I've just been busy, that's all. Running a shop isn't exactly a day at the beach."

"Well, I told her that and that didn't seem to satisfy her. So I casually mentioned that maybe you'd met a man," Hum Tate said. I nearly shit a brick. "She seemed to think that idea was completely ridiculous."

"Well, that's because it is," I managed to choke out. "Me? A man?"

"Right well, she also is under the impression that you like women."

"Why does everyone assume that?"

"Which I told her was completely stupid. You're a beautiful girl and quite frankly, I see the way you interact with my receptionist. No woman-loving woman would look at a girl as attractive as Miss Blackwell with as much disgust as you do," Hum Tate explained. "And besides that, I'm not blind."

"Pardon?"

"That week you took off because you were ill? Well, I decided to stop over personally to make a wellness check on my granddaughter." I held my breath because I knew exactly where this one was going. I was fucked. "And well...I'm rather ashamed of myself for this, but I peeked through your window to make sure you were home and there you were, in bed, asleep, with a man."

"Christ, Gran," I groaned. "You didn't tell Mum that did you?"

"Of course I didn't! I mean if you've hardly seen fit to introduce her to him in the first place, what business of mine to tell her? She's my daughter. I'm allowed to keep things from her." She gave me a big wink and I grinned back.

"So how come you didn't sack me?"

"I'll be honest, I thought about it. I was angry at first but then I remembered what it was like to be young. I figured it was probably just a fling and that you just needed to get it out of your system."

"God, you're a lot cooler than I gave you credit for," I said.

"Well that's why I insisted you hire someone. That way if you wanted to lounge around all day with a man, there would be someone to mind the shop. I'm not going to lose business. You're lucky you are my granddaughter. Anyone else would've been sacked."

"Right, and it won't happen again."

"I know it won't," Hum Tate said and then leaned forward slightly. She had a slight twinkle in her eye. Who knew my ice queen grandmother was a sucker for romance? "So, how and where did you meet him?"

"Why are you so curious?"

"You know, when I was a young lady, I never got along with my mother but my grandmother and I had a special bond. I could tell her things that I couldn't tell my mother and she understood when my mother didn't. I will always cherish that and wanted to have that with my granddaughter someday, but that never happened. I suppose it's my fault that I was never able to grow close to you."

"Ah, Gran, don't worry about it."

"No, but there's always still a chance. You're my only granddaughter, Calla. I want you to be able to talk to me."

"I do talk to you," I said. "I'm talking to you right now."

"No, I mean on a personal level. Business is business. So, where did you meet this man?"

I bit my lip. "I'm not sure that you'd approve."

"Try me."

"He was one of my teachers at Hogwarts. He's sort of the reason I left to begin with."

I couldn't read the expression on her face. I couldn't tell if she was surprised, shocked, angry or what. She had an incredible poker face.

"I see," she said. "How serious is it?"

"I'm not sure, actually. We sort of got into it the other day and had a major row. I tried to patch things up but it's sort of touch and go right now."

"Well," Hum Tate replied. "My only advice is to be careful. I'm not sure I'm keen on a man who consorts with his students."

"I'm not his student anymore."

"Which is also true but am I correct when I say that it started at school, while you were a student, regardless if it was sexual or not?"

"It did and it wasn't sexual until after I'd left."

"Still," Hum Tate shook her head. "Be careful. That's all I can really tell you."

At that moment, Elyse came back in, looking rather flustered and rather curious looking. I stiffened, realizing that maybe she'd just heard that whole conversation. It wasn't like she could use it against me as blackmail because Hum Tate knew everything but I still didn't like the cow knowing such things about me.

"I've figured out what went wrong, Madam." Elyse addressed Hum Tate. "The Hogsmeade shipment was sent to Hollshire instead."

"Aren't you in charge of addressing the shipments, Elyse?" I asked.

"Yes," she said slowly as she narrowed her eyes at me, daring me to say anything else. I kept my mouth shut, knowing it would give her satisfaction to get a reaction out of me. "I'm sorry Madam, it won't happen again."

"What can we do to fix this?" Hum Tate asked.

"Well, there's good news and bad news. The bad news is that our next harvest won't be until a week from now but since Hollshire received extra, I was able to contact them. Luckily they hadn't stocked yet and are preparing to send their extra inventory to Hogsmeade."

"Thank you, Miss Blackwell," Hum Tate said. Elyse might have been a huge bitch but I'll give her credit. She was an expert at smoothing things over.

"Yeah, thanks," I added because I actually was half way grateful. "I guess I'd better get back to the shop. Thank you again, Gran, Elyse."

Gran waved her fingers though Elyse said nothing. I didn't expect that she would. Some bitches would never cease to be bitches.

**Kalinda**

For the following days, I felt restless. I had an itch to draw, but I was avoiding doing so at all cost; not so much because of Pandora reminding me of Professor Bell, but because my visit to see my brother seemed to cause this dreadful need to draw her a million times. I simply refused to sketch her, which is not as simple as it sounds. Every time I passed the bookshelf on which Pandora rested, I felt my fingers twitch. Every time I entered my room or when my mind ran off, my eyes unconsciously turned to Pandora and thoughts of sketching her broke into my mind, and the twitching in my fingers seemed to increase and for some reason my skin felt like it would heat up. It was like I was going into withdrawal.

However, I could not allow myself to draw her obsessively to my hearts content, because I didn't know when that would be. I felt this frightful fear that I'd never be able to stop drawing her, because she was becoming this legendary or mythical figure that I was becoming unsure of ever existing in my life.

Drawing her, would not make her anymore real; would not prove that she had really existed in my life. More than that, it would only serve to make my longing for her worse. If I filled Pandora with sketches of Professor Bell, she would haunt me all the more. Every time I looked at the sketch, my heart would ache to the point that I would long to destroy Pandora to escape Amelia Bell, but in my heart of hearts, I'd never be able to bring myself to destroy something I created.

I knew this for a fact, because it had happened before. Hawthorne, the sketchbook I had for the second half of my fifth year and most of the summer after, most of its last pages were filled with sketches of my first. Before I started my sixth year, I bought a new sketchbook to replace it, though there were still several pages in Hawthorne that were blank. I named that sketchbook Apollo. The name changed after my first Potions class. Apollo I renamed Hades and guess who starred in more than half that book?

There are still many more sketches in Andaleeb of Snape, and even several of Professor Bell. Anytime I look through Hawthorne, Hades and Andaleeb, I wish to burn them until they're nothing but ashes, but I could never bring myself to actually do it. As painful as they can at times be, as nostalgically bitter-sweet as they make me feel... I could never do it. The actual thought of them disappearing make me feel ill.

However, keeping myself from sketching... I felt it akin to a drug addict going through withdrawal. It made me restless and sick. I couldn't eat, I could hardly even think. I felt as though I was slowly suffocating, or that I would burst in any moment. I tried to busy myself by doing other things, like gather all the school things I did not plan on keeping; or reorganizing the things on my shelves, and tidying my room. However, by the fourth day back home I was done with all that and beginning to seriously crack. I mean I kept reaching for my sketchbook and smacking my forehead for doing so.

I thought perhaps I should get out of the house, but I didn't take to walking around my neighborhood as I would usually do because that would only increase my desire to draw. So for several days, I took to going down to my local library.

When the weekend came, I was rather surprised to find that Henry came over for dinner one night. Actually more than surprised, I was annoyed. Not with Henry, but my mother. I felt like she was pushing into my life and I didn't much appreciate it, especially not as she seemed to be trying to play cupid or match-maker with me and Henry. It made for a bit of an awkward dinner, although Henry seemed rather amused.

However, things rather seemed to get boring again after Henry's visit. But at least my mind was now once more under control and I allowed myself to draw a bit. On Monday morning, once more had me answering questions to my mum about what I would do with my life. To appease her and get her off my back for a while, I told her I was looking into teaching, but wasn't sure yet. She wasn't greatly ticked by the aspect, but she didn't say anything.

Being once more, bored out of my mind, I decided I should visit Calla. Though a part of me still loathed the thought of making the first gesture, I felt that not making it would mean that I would probably never talk to her again. Besides, I was more than a little curious about what she was up to and it wasn't like I really had anything better to do.

Grabbing my wand, I apparated to Hogsmeade's main street. Once there and tucked my wand into the left sleeve of my sweater. Being that it was tight, I didn't have to worry about it slipping around in there or falling out. Sure that my wand was secure, I looked around where I was and tried to remember what exactly Snape had said and remembered that he only said something about her being in an Apothecary.

I walked around a bit, until I finally spotted it and walked in. I hardly paid any mind to the apothecary itself, as I was rather more invested in finding Calla. I had hardly taken more than a couple steps inside when someone walked up to me. "Hello, can I help you find anything today?" a man asked, with a bit of bit of an accent in his voice. German from the sound of it.

I stood for a moment and wondered if I should just out and ask. After all, she was working and what if I got her in trouble. However, I doubted this guy was like a manager or owner, so I thought no harm could come from asking. "Calla, I heard she works here, I'm an old school mate of hers," I said, trying to sound somewhat polite and not cold.

"Oh. So you're a friend of hers? Have yet to meet a friend of hers. She's in back. I'm Hans by the way," he said, pointing towards the back and then extending his hand to me. I shook his hand, a bit grudgingly as I prefer not to be touched by strangers or in general really.

"Kali," I said simply and then pulling my hand from his rather large hands as I heard something fall in the back followed by some cursing. I felt the corner of my mouth twitch in amusement. "She hasn't changed at all, has she? Do I just go back or..."

"Yeah, straight through there," he said, pointing. I nodded and merely heading towards the back room. When I got there, Calla was scrambling around, trying to gather up the things she dropped while still cursing.

"Hello Calla," I said, trying to keep the amusement from my voice and wiping the smile from my face before addressing her. At the sound of my voice, she jumped a bit and when she looked up kinda looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Kali, uh... what are you doing here," she asked. Her voice sounded an octave or so higher than normal. It almost sounded like panic. However, she was once more picking up all the stuff that she knocked down. I watched her movements for a moment, they were kinda rushed and a bit jerky and I wondered if she had always been this jumpy or if this was more jumpy than her usual.

"I came to see you, see how you've been doing," I replied.

"Ah... good... or well fine I guess," she replied causing me to stare with a furrowed brow. I'm pretty sure she was being jumpier than usual. Almost nervous she seemed by me being there. It was bizarre. "Wait, how did you know I was here?" she asked, straightening up and finally really looking at me.

I shrugged. "Snape."

To which, she kind of seemed to blanch. For a moment, I saw her hands clench a small box she was holding in her hands. A series of emotions seemed to fleet across her face. Shock, guilt, apprehension, anger, disgust and finally settling on Calla's version of vague interest and curiosity. Or well it seemed a version, because it kinda looked like she was trying too hard what with her face kinda being pink.

"You still see him?" she asked. I raised a brow at this. It rather seemed to me like she wasn't over him, and considering I knew Snape had seen her, it kind of made me wonder. It wouldn't be far fetched to think there was something between them now, would it? I mean I know he'd seen her. And the castle wasn't very far from here. Besides, her reaction would make sense.

The Slytherin part of me kind of wanted me to fuck with her. However, she was my friend, it wouldn't be very friendly of me. Besides, if she were with Snape in some capacity, and considering how much of a prick he was, I was sure she had more than enough suffering on her plate in store, if not already.

"No. He owled me," I replied to which she nodded. However, she was still a bit tense.

"Oh... so he keeps in touch with you?" she asked. I stared for a moment, wondering whether or not I should respond. I should, because obviously she seemed on edge, waiting to be relieved or... not. However, with my suspicions, I felt I needed to ask. Especially as she looked away and went about the task she was doing once more, avoiding my gaze.

"Well he said he'd like to, I hoped he wouldn't. Why all the interest? Do you still have feelings for him?" I responded off-handed and with the question only curious.

"Why? Why do you ask? What have you heard?" she asked jumping and looking at me, her brows furrowed over her eyes which stared at me, narrowed with suspicion.

I raised a brow at this, a part of me wanted to crack up laughing. I couldn't really take Calla all that seriously sometimes. "Is there something to hear?" I asked to which she kind of whimpered and fidgeted at. "I guess there is. Sooo... let me guess. You've started seeing Snape?" she pursed her lips and looked scared for a moment, which was confirmation enough. "Calla, I'm over him, I don't see what you're worried about. And if you think there's something going on between him and me, don't be. He only owled me once and it was just to tell me you were here."

This seemed to make her relieved as she visibly relaxed and any anger she felt, seemed to melt away. However, almost immediately she seemed to look guilty. Before she started apologizing, I went on and asked her how long she had been working at the shop.

"The shop is Hum Tate's, she's my grandmother and she put me in charge of this shop. I've been here for like two months," Calla responded, seeming a bit more at ease. I nodded at this in response. I was sort of curious about her and Snape, but honestly I felt it would be weird to ask. Besides, I didn't think I would be greatly comfortable with it.

I mean it's one thing to be over Snape and be ok with him being with a girl that you were friends with and who he happened to have technically cheated on you with. However, it's another thing entirely to want details on the subject. And I wasn't sure if Calla would entirely be able to distinguish the difference. She could be ditsy at times.

"So this is what you've been doing since you left school?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah," she replied as she finished picking up the last of what she dropped. "What about you? How's your life?" she asked, seemingly a bit more at ease.

"I finished school, I dumped Snape as you must know, I travelled most of the summer, and I've only been home about a week, not doing very much of anything," I said with a shrug, disinterested in the subject of me. Calla seemed to twitch for a moment when I mentioned Snape and grimaced a bit.

For a moment, I wondered if I should not mention Snape. He was kinda starting to become the giant albino Hippogriff in the room, so to speak. "Oh," she said. She opened her mouth for a second, before closing it and chewing on her lip. "Ummm, so what are you gonna do now? Like career-wise?"

Once more, I shrugged. I had a feeling that's not what she really wanted to ask, but I had a feeling that perhaps I should make an effort to steer to conversation elsewhere. Before things got really awkward and I regretted coming here. "I'm not sure, I'm trying to figure it out, nothing appeals to me very much and the only things that do... well they probably won't allow me to make enough to live on. So far the only career to me that seems vaguely appealing and earns decent pay is teaching. But the idea of being boarded up in a school year round, when I've only escaped is a bit of a deal breaker. I'll probably look into schools where boarding on school premises isn't necessary."

Calla's expressions, which had gone from relaxed and interested looked a bit tight again. I wondered for a moment until I realized the obvious. Fucking Snape. He's worse than an albino Hippogriff. There is just no getting away from the prick. "Teaching?"

"It's just a thought. I really have loads of time to think. Most school's have already started. Unless a school is hiring late, I probably won't be teaching anytime this year," I replied with a shrug. "If I have to chuck the idea though, I'm at a fucking loss because I have no clue."

I had just barely got through the sentence when Calla suddenly blurted something. I didn't quite catch what she said as it kind of mixed with my own words, so I had to ask her to repeat herself. She kind flushed a bit before responding. "Do y'know why he wrote you? I mean to tell you I'm here?"

I merely shrugged disinterestedly. "I don't know, don't see how it matters. I imagine just to inform me where you were, if I cared to see you."

Calla bit on her lip a bit. "You know I didn't plan it. It just happened," Calla said suddenly, with a shrug. It took a second for me to understand what she was talking about. But she seemed in a rush to tell me. "You know how I feel about him, that hasn't changed and I just ran into him and he said he wasn't with you anymore and things just kind of went from there, hasn't been long-"

I tried to keep grimacing at this. "Calla," I said putting up my hand to stop her. "I already told you-"

"I know... but I just want to make sure there's not like, bad blood between us, y'know?"

I nodded at this, suddenly feeling kind of hot. I don't really know why, but my stomach felt like it was in knots. "Well I already told you, it was fine," I said, trying to sound perfectly fine with it. Really I was, but hearing about it... it was just odd. I didn't really want the details or anything. Fearing that if I stayed any longer that would be exactly what would happen, I decided it was time to go. "Anyway, I have to go, I'm supposed to meet a friend for lunch," I said, lying through my teeth. Really there was no one I had to meet or anything for me to do for the rest of the day, but I felt I needed an excuse for suddenly leaving.

"Oh, all right" Calla said, trying to smile but not succeeding very well.

"I'll write," I said, flashing her a small smile as I started to back up. She merely nodded and I turned to calmly leave at a normal pace so she wouldn't think I was running off. As I crossed the shop, the man, Hans said farewell to which I merely waved before stepping out of the shop and disapparating home.

XX

I spent the following days alternating between watching tv and numbing my mind or reading while listening to music. After a few days, my mum said she had enough of me staying at home, so she started dragging me to work with her and showing me around, like I hadn't seen the Ministry most of my life.

However, I suppose there was a difference, as she actually let me stick around and see what she tended to spend her time doing. She also pawned me off on more than one occasion with friends of hers that would do her the favor of letting me shadow them in their department and see what they do. I'm not an idiot. I know what she was doing, and I would have been aggravated with her as I told her very clearly already that I didn't want to work in the ministry, but I suppose I was that bored of being at home that I really didn't mind it so much.

Besides, I was amazingly enough lucky not to run into Mr. Malfoy and I was able to actually spend some time with Henry on a daily basis, as we'd meet up and go out to lunch together. Though, that didn't mean that I planned on staying in the Ministry. By the time the end of September started rolling around, I was rather bored with it, and had checked out all the departments and made up mind that the Ministry was definitely not the place for me.

Though, some jobs peaked my interest... I knew it wasn't enough for me to really wish to stay. Much to the disappointment of some people.

"Oh come on Kali, stay," Henry nudged me one day as we were on our way out of the Ministry. He had ditched the robes he usually wore and had a pair of gray slacks and a long sleeved black shirt underneath. As we made our way down the streets of London together to a nearby cafe, I wondered what people ought to think of him. Not many young men dress up very much these days. Honestly, you see them walking around with very tight often ripped jeans and leather jackets and...

"No thanks. The Ministry is just not my thing, too cloistered and political," I said with a shiver of disgust.

"And you think you won't encounter that becoming a teacher?" he asked with a lopsided grin as he cast a sideways glance at me. I rolled my eyes at him, wondering why I even spoke to him. Sometimes he honestly infuriated me.

"Well cloistered, and primness yes, but I think the political element will be significantly downsized. Besides, I don't think it's fair to use Hogwarts as basis for comparison. I'm sure all schools are not the same," I said and grimaced slightly, considering a certain aspect of the relationship between myself and our Head of House, there wasn't much prim and propriety there.

"I suppose," Henry conceded. "I'll sure miss you though."

I rolled my eyes at him. "You act like I'll be falling off the face of the planet. I'm still gonna be around. You can owl me and see me, just as before, nothing's changing," I said, shaking my head at him. Honestly he could be so melodramatic. The boy would probably have been a fine actor.

"I suppose," he said a little moodily before suddenly perking up and suddenly adding a bounce to his step. "That reminds me. I have an invitation for you," he said, suddenly stepping in front of me and halting our progress. I stared at him with a raised brow as he took one of my hands in his while putting the other at the small of his back. "Miss Allen, I would be delighted if you attended with me the Opening gala to an art expo in Diagon Alley," he said, bowing over my hand and looking up at me with his puppy dog eyes.

"An art expo?" I asked with interest. However, I frowned slightly as I remembered he said _gala_. Usually that type of thing meant formal attire. "Would I have to wear dress-robes?" I asked with a slight frown, to which he nodded quickly. "I don't know Henry, I don't really like dressing up."

"Oh come on, Kali! It will just be one night. Besides it will be fun," he assured me, straightening himself.

"Just as friends, right?" I asked.

He furrowed his brow a bit and dropped my hand. "Of course. Why would you think-"

I blushed slightly, feeling embarrassed as I shook my head to stop him. "No, no. I just wanted to make sure that my mum wasn't giving you any ideas," I replied.

He laughed lightly at this. "No, she didn't put me up to this. I just thought it was something you'd enjoy," he said, suddenly grinning at me devilishly as he stepped up to me. "Although, if you have other things in mind, I wouldn't mind in the least."

"OH Henry, shut up," I said, shoving him away. He merely laughed once more and strung an arm around my shoulder, getting us to start walking.

"You need to lighten up, Kali-girl," Henry said, laughing. I rolled my eyes wondering why he always found it so easy to laugh at my expense. The answer was like stubbing my toes or biting the inside of my cheek. It was so easy for him to laugh at me because I bloody well let him get away with it.

After Henry's invitation, I decided that I needed to go shopping. I had plenty of robes that fit me, however, I hadn't gotten dress-robes in quite a few years. Besides I felt that I rather needed new ones. However, shopping for robes, specially the formal kind, meant going with my mother. I'm not sure why, but I felt the prospect of shopping for robes daunting. I suppose it had a lot to do with the fact that I rather thought that I needed my mother's opinion, which really isn't childish, is it?

I mean girls usually need the advice from another female, an impartial one, meaning one not selling you the article of clothing, to tell you weather it looks fine of not. And though my mother at times vexes me to a great degree, she isn't a bad judge of fashion. Besides, considering she's someone that always wants me to look my best... I can certainly trust her judgement.

However, I didn't much look forward to the prospect of asking her as then I would have to explain why I needed them and after I would have to explain to her for an endless amount of time that Henry and I were just friends. I suppose it had to be done though. As predicted, mother wouldn't let me hear the end of it. All through shopping for the dress, which had to wait until she had time off, and fitting it and all, she badgered me about my relationship with Henry. She didn't want to believe it was strictly platonic. It was very vexing.

Grueling as the experience was, I got my new dress robes for the gala. Now I had to wait for the day to arrive. I was rather of split mind on the entire thing. On the one part, I rather wanted to go. Art was … well my one real passion in life. I loved to see the works and creations of others and marvelling at their talent and ardor.

But... I never cared much for having to dress up or appearing at formal affairs. Everything was just so... rigid. You had to behave a certain way... it meant being on your guard. Besides, who all were attending? Other Ministry officials whom you had to weary of stepping on their toes? The rich and elite purebloods of England? The thought was a huge turnoff. I'd have enough of all that in my childhood. It wasn't something I wanted to become a part of.

But who was I to pass up this opportunity? And I couldn't deny that there was a part of me that was gravely tempted. Besides it wasn't really as I had anything better to do.

**TBC...**


End file.
